Page name: Bob's Diner [Logged in view] [RSS]
2020-09-22 18:42:10
Last author: Pied Crow
Owner: Sagacious Turkey
# of watchers: 273
D20: 7
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(Formerly Chuck's)

Abandon all outside food and drinks, ye who enter here.

a limerick, by [Mortified Penguin]
.........Welcome to Bob's Diner,
ain't no place finer!
The food is good,
we're always in tha 'hood,
and [Sagacious Turkey] is a whiner!

<img:><img:><img:><img:> <img:><img:><img:><img:><img:>

As seen in [iippo]'s diary!
This wiki sponsored in part by the [Sunrose] Does Not Suck committee
and the [pixish] art committee

by [Teufelsweib]

Show content


|Da menyou|


'If you are what you eat, then we're easy, fast and cheap!'

Don't see sumthin ya like on da menu? Well, add to it!



1. Shakin' Bacon $1.50
2. Godzilla Eggs $1.20
3. Hash Browns $1.00
4. Hash Greens $1.00
5. Texas toast (this isn't really from texas) $2.00
6. French Toast (This isn't actually from France either) $3.50
7. French Fries (nope, still not from france...) $1.50
8. French Bread (NOT FROM FRANCE!!!) $1.25
9. French Wine (not from France exactly... it might have fallen off a truck,... but i don't know anything *whistles innocently*)
10. Mortified News-Paper-Colored-Breakfast-Sandwich $2.50



1. Bob's special of the day: Sun. grilled cheese, Mon. leg of lamb, Tues. leg of bob, Wed. something we found on the street, Thurs. hamburger, Fri. tacos we stole from Taco Bell, Sat. you don't want to know. $4.19
2. hamburger & fries $4.00
3. uncooked ham (a live pig) $10.24
4. a bowl of fresh lard $3.49
5. Texas toast (this isn't really from Texas) $2.00
6. think of the nastiest thing you've ever seen or smelled... nope, nastier... yup thats it! $5.99
7. raw chicken liver with a dog drool sauce. $7.82
8. La Ham and cheese $2.30
9. Bob's Mama $1 an hour
10. Garfield's mama $0.50 an hour
11. sirloin $6.00
12. Sir. Loin (some British guy) £6.00
13. boiled Chef Zef $0.99
14. 3-legged lamb - whole: $10.00/ each leg: $2.00
15. fried Alley Gator $5.00
16. Plain poodle: $3.00/ Extra crispy poodle: $3.50
17. Poo Stew $2.25
18. Mashed taters and dressed up alligators $5.50
19. Woops, I sneezed... Oh well, might as well put it to good use... "snot sandwich" $1.25
20. Roasted n00b $4.00
21. Bloody Rock $1.50
22. Flattened road kill squirrel $4.75
23. Fresh n00b with blood croutons $4.50
24. [Shaggy13]'s soup $1.12
25. Turkey Jerkey $0.50
26. A Jerkey Turkey $5.00
27. YO MOMMA with a side of fries and a large soda $0.00
28. [Rolo]'s special: Mouse burger and french flies all for just $2.50
29. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s Acid Kisses free to try then 4 easy payments of $19.95 to buy!!!!
31. Micheal Jackson's nose $10.75
32. elf on the cob $5.50/whole elf $9.25
33. [spitfire_35121]'s mole 500,000.00
34. An Orange Chicken ¥300.00
35. Ground beef Carl $3.25
36. The Deep Fried Moose Combo $6.99
37. [sara(:]'s kitty.......$o.ooo9 per hour..
38. viagra pill $300
39. gobbler....?
40. a big fat bowl of ramen ¥800.00
41. hootchie cootchie $2.00
42. Burgers from McDonald's $1.00
43. Make Your Own Road Kill (Brought to you by MatchBox) $ 6.90
44. Deep Fried Squirrel Quesadilla $ 1.50
45. Eel Burger (it's shockingly delicious!) $3.4¾ (WARNING: Eel Burger may kill consumer. We are not responsible. Blame the eels!)

46. Selfish Shellfish Soufflé $4.99 (plus tip!)
47.All the grief, horror, madness,[Lethan] and opium-addled reverie you can shake a Victorian gentleman's walking stick at for a mere $5
48. [Eloura]'s Busted gut still fresh and good, for a nere (and this is a SALE people) $9.99
49. [Duke Devlin]'s Small Bacon Bit Babies. They are a delious bacony treat for any meal. $15,999.99 It's a real steal deal kids!
50. [Araglas]'s Zombie body food, just ask, it's good, and very fresh! Only $5.99!
51. All you can eat: [HardRockAngel]'s little brother: an endless supplie of meat. $12.99



1. half a cracker $1,000,000
2. Bloody Rock $1.50
3. [sara(:]'s (very little) Brain $2.00
4. [Fallen Child Athena]'s Foamy the Squirrel $5000.00 ((i stole him hahahahahaha))
5. [Mortified Penguin]'s intelligence (not a very big meal...) $0.25
6. Slice of maggot cheese $1.50
7. Cooked Sushi $4.50
8. Tumble Weed $1,000.01
9. [Fallen Child Athena]'s "happy crack".......$1.50((its weed))
10. Bowl of tears $.50
11. Crickets (a bowl full) $0.50
12. "Eye Rolls" $1.50
13. Corn on the toes $1.50
14. cooked sushi $2.00
15. Big, huge, throbbing, hot, juicy... breadsticks! $DAH.LER
16. [Mortified Penguin]'s ashes $Free to try $39.95 to buy
17. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s leg (stays fresh for about a month) hehe jr., i told you!!!1
17. Military Intelligence (not much there) $9,999 {brought in by [Fallen Child Athena])
19. Fresh squeezed hangover from [Evolution X]
20. Ganondorf's Noodly Appendage (note: not big enough to be considered full meal) $4.00
21. Peanuts of Pathos $free with the purchase of a drink (In loving memory of our dear old friend, [Paul Doyle].)
22. Flagon of Dragon Lotion. Not sure what to make of this, frankly. It's not really a drink . . . have this with Peanuts of Pathos, perhaps? Do you have what it takes to consume this? I'm not sure I do.
23. [Mortified Penguin]'s head on a fake cheap silver platter.
24. Blubber nuggets, made with the finest whale blubber in the world! (YUM!) $100.00



1. [Mortified Penguin]'s squeegey $0.10
2. DUSTIN'S MAMA and a condom......we'll pay you...take it,we don't want "it".....
3. Sasmooko's Shoe $1.75
4. A leg $Shoot something, or someone
5. [Fallen Child Athena]'s bunny rabbit..........$1.50
6. The "lame-@$$-mo'-frickin'-gay-infested-puppy-hating-country-o'-france" Special. (May include: French toast, french fries, french bread, french vanilla, french dressing, a lovely french dipping sauce, and a sexy lonely french woman that likes to french kiss) $19.95 if you order in the next ten minutes! shipping and handling...
7. [Evolution X]'s famous Spaghetti and eyeballs.
8. A Big Freakin' Bowl of Ramen $0 (Free for Mort, everyone else gets charged a mandatory $10 tip for the waiter)
9.Ugly stack of papers with protective cover. Looks to have been dropped into a beef broth by a sad, worn out, uncreative idiot. Yarg. (munches on a news-paper-colored-breakfast-sandwich) $2.00
10.Gammon with Fluff & gravy =] $0
11.Not so fresh puppy €7.00 (Other than brown colored +¥5.28)
12. [Scarekrow]'s Harden the fuck up special (with your choise of fist to the face or foot to the ass)................$25.00
13. Chuck Norris Stew with a side of sucker-punch and piss-in-your-pants. Priceless



1. brownie-a-la-mode $2.00
2. crap-a-la-commode $2.00
3. artichoke pie $1.50
4. "cheese cake" (literally made of cheese) $1.75
5. Iced ice $0.50
6. Glazed rocks $0.75
7. Punkin Pie (full of fresh baked punks...) $2.00
8. Rake Cake (wanna do something special for your hard working rake for it's birthday? get this!) $1.75
9. n00b-a-la-blood $2.00
10. "Cow Pie" $2.00
11. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood $9,999,999,999.50
12. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood, FROSTED, $2
13. "apple sauce" $1
14. [nokaredes]'s old cast $how much you got?
15. [ikkle sid] for the night chocolate sauce included 4 all u randy twats lol ... $1,000,000,000
16. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s liver flavored ice cream $2.50
17. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s chocolate flavored moth-balls $1.75 per box
18. Bert and Ernie's every flavor spleens... er... I mean... beans. $1.00 per box
19.[bluefairy27]'s deadly blow fish surprise.$3.50
20. [Evolution X]'s Eskimo pie (from real eskimos)
21. Pink, fluffy and tasty Watapon (Warning: Not really tasty)
22. Vasturcro, free! (plus $20 in taxes, $35 for the food, which is $65, totaling out to $127)
23. Sweet, cherry, and pied crow pie, $2.33



1. anything we can liquefy in the blender $1.00
2. snot $1.00

(smaller gap)

3. urine $1.00
4. "mystery meat juice" $1.00
5. liquid lard $1.00
6. [Fallen Child Athena]'s special "coffee" $1.95
7. goat milk $1.00
8. watered down tea $1.00
9. Turkey Milk $1.00
10. A Pint of Blood $0.50
11. A Quart of Blood $1.00
12. Goblet Of Blood On The Rocks $2.50
13. Rat Milk $1.00
14. Snow Coco $1.00
15. Hot, steaming cup of Coffee $1.00 (per cup)
16. Liquid ice $2.50 per pound
17. A "booty" shake $6.66
18. From the makers of Granny's Bunyan Creme and Granny's Homegrown Arsenic... we bring you... Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol! Not only does it get you hammered more than a nail, but it also helps heal your internal cuts! (WARNING: Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol will NOT heal your internal cuts. In fact, it may make them worse. We are not responsible for any injuries and/or death. Blame Granny!) $Depends on how "under the influence" you are.
19.something [Lethan] squeezed out of a brick
20. An Epic Fail (Brought in by Veari)
21. Tead down water(purified) $50.00
22. Special Equestrian "Mayonnaise" Smoothie


Bob's Diner Status Report:
Show content

Bob's Diner Status Report

All numbers and stats are approximate and lead to irregularities when double checking, due to faulty math and [Elftron] screwing with wiki comments and information sometimes. Don't blame us. Blame [Hedda].




26.6 cpd
10.6 cpd
08.4 cpd
15.5 cpd
11.8 cpd
07.9 cpd
14.4 cpd
04.7 cpd
02.7 cpd
02.1 cpd
01.1 cpd
00.5 cpd
01.1 cpd
04.6 cpd

Total Comments

Total Average
26.6 cpd/9709 cpy
18.6 cpd/6789 cpy
15.2 cpd/5548 cpy
15.3 cpd/5580 cpy
14.6 cpd/5333 cpy
13.5 cpd/4924 cpy
13.6 cpd/4972 cpy
12.5 cpd/4563 cpy
11.4 cpd/4165 cpy
10.5 cpd/3824 cpy
09.6 cpd/3512 cpy
08.9 cpd/3237 cpy
08.3 cpd/3017 cpy
08.0 cpd/2921 cpy

Until The End of the Friscal Year and the Next Status Report

Since The End of the Last Friscal Year

Since B's D's Founding

Friscal Reports:
Show content

   Next Friscal Report:

Total: An unknown, futuristic XXXXX

Future paragraphs.

   Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 39223


   Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38839


   Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38634


   Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38240


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 37484


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 36501


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A settling, halfsome 34804

As we all know, Bob's Diner has a comment based economy. As comment averages rise, Bob's Diner prospers. When they fall, Bob's Diner slips into a violent depression and has thoughts of suicide. It often cries itself to sleep at night, wondering how it's going to feed its 27 children. So, you can clearly see why the more comments you make, the better off we are and the less I'll hate you.

With that in mind, this year was certainly better than last year, but not nearly as better as the year before the year before last year, which is the best except for the one that was better which was the year before the year before that. Following this trend, we can predict that next year, the year following this year, will be the year that comes after this year. However, as this year is already over, we've already entered into the new year, meaning that this year isn't this year but last year and next year is this year, not the year after this year. So, with this other stuff I just said in mind, I suspect that, since this year is now this year, not next year, the comments will continue steadily trending upward, unless they don't. Realistically speaking though, and following the current data, the comment average will take a two year nose dive into the worst recession we've seen yet before going back up in 14/15.

So, the comments were alright this year. But, why weren't they alrighter? It was likely because of two bannings of members that were previously highly productive commenters: Artsie and Mystin. They will be missed. Not really though. In other news, CEO, international sex superstar, and self-proclaimed CEO, [Mortified Penguin], will be stepping down as manager today and stepping up some stairs. That lead to the manager's office. Where he will be crowned manager. Also, [Nioniel] stole our 'i'.

(This has been a vaguely worded announcement by a guy typing things.)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: An unsettling, unwholesome 29545

More Obama related mishaps have taken quite a toll on Bob's Diner this year. That, coupled with [53406] as manager, has resulted in 1430 less comments than last year. Which brings the average number of comments for the friscal year to a miserable 7.9 a day and the average for all time down to 13.5 a day. We've determined the cause of the missing 37 comments from 07/08 to be homicide. Police are investigating the contents of Misty's stomach in hopes of finding remains. So far, nothing but rat skeletons and bear feces has turned up.

No new members for the entire year (that I know of. I haven't really checked, I'm just assuming). Likely Misty's fault. In this past friscal year, B's D has apparently become /b/'s D. Our big 'B' will be missed.

For this upcoming friscal year, I will be taking over as manager once more (until it becomes apparent that the numbers will be down, at which point I will hand ownership back to Turkey). I plan to run this Diner the way it was meant to be run... straight into the ground. First off, budget cuts everywhere! No more of this "getting Christmas off to be with family" nonsense. Workers will now work 367 days a year or be fired (at)(with bazookas).

(This has been a public dis-service announcement from CEO and self-proclaimed sexual offender, [Mortified Penguin].)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A nice, wholesome 26666.

So, we never did find out what happened to those poor, unfortunate 37 comments. They will be missed. This friscal year, we had a disappointing 4309 comments. The lower number is speculated to be the fault of Obama, the recession, and, of course, Misty. Though it wasn't as good as last year's or the 04/05 year, it's still better than the dismal period from 2005 to 2007. The 08/09 numbers are still a pretty decent accomplishment, considering Elftown's sharp decline in members.

In this passing friscal year, we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') have managed to get a whole bunch of new members and casual visitors... thanks to good ol' fashion spamming. Speaking of meat byproducts, the Diner is now under [53406]'s control once more, meaning that he's the one that should be held responsible for the poor friscal report! ...Get 'im! ...*eats ramen*...

(This has been a public service announcement from ex-CEO and casual rapist, [Mortified Penguin].)

   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: 22320 (though it should be 22357!)

This leaves some 37 missing comments. It is Bob's Diner's top priority to find these missing comments and bring them home safely.

Thanks to the brilliant leadership of [Mortified Penguin], Bob's Diner has had it's second best year yet! We nearly doubled those comments from last year and even brought B's D out of it's depression. So remember... support the Ramen Party and Bob's Diner in the next friscal (that's right! friscal!) year... every comment counts. (This has been a public service announcement from CEO, Mortified Penguin.)

Previous B's D

Username (or number or email):


2020-02-27 [Pied Crow]: As far as l can tell, this is very wholesome.

2020-03-11 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1583951928.jpg>

2020-03-12 [Paul Doyle]: <img500*0:stuff/aj/11046/HaveYouSeenThisPloy.jpg>

2020-03-15 [Nuktae-tal]: I love all of this.

2020-03-17 [Pied Crow]: ... Uh oh. I forgot what blatantly incorrect name l was using for Nuk.

2020-03-17 [Yuriona]: Don't you just come up with a new one every time?

2020-03-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Necktie-towel?

2020-03-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Anyone die of Corona yet? I did.

2020-03-18 [Pied Crow]: Awww, you do pay attention!

2020-03-18 [Pied Crow]: Oh, Mort-bird... I, uh, I'm sorry for your loss.

2020-03-21 [Nuktae-tal]: I am renovating my parents basement and am allergic to the wood we are cutting... does that count as long as I panick about it enough?

2020-03-21 [Pied Crow]: Oh, Nick-the-Talon... I, uh, I'm sorry for your allargaes.

2020-03-22 [Mortified Penguin]: I, on the other hand, refuse to apologize for your allargaes.

2020-03-25 [Paul Doyle]: I am stacking up on Quaker Oats ordered through Liberty Medical, packing on the pounds and growing in a walrus mustache so I can fight off the Diabeetus by watching Wilford Brimley movies.

2020-03-28 [Nuktae-tal]: Diabeetus!!

2020-03-29 [Rainbow Dragonflies]: O - . . . oats . . .

2020-04-05 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1586123434.jpg>

2020-04-06 [Paul Doyle]: Pump THIS. Pump it well. :p

2020-04-07 [Yuriona]: Pump the jam?

2020-04-14 [Pied Crow]: Oh, wait, l do have something to say. Strut a pump room!

2020-04-15 [Yuriona]: I have seriously doubts that Bob's Diner has been deemed an essential service. And I refuse to wear those masks. I picked one up and it screamed "AHHH! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!"

2020-04-17 [Pied Crow]: Sounds like you need to treat your masks better.

2020-04-17 [Yuriona]: All I was trying to do was disinfect it.

2020-04-18 [Paul Doyle]: Oh, that's a mask? Silly me. I thought it was a long term-slow growing and highly localized fungal infestation.

*puts it on* *realizes it was originally a whisper-thin mask but is now a heavy fungus colony filled with spores that built up around the mask* *involuntarily inhales the spores*


*rises again as a 1st Edition Advanced D&D Myconid*

2020-04-18 [Paul Doyle]: *has a special brew!* <img500*0:stuff/aj/11046/Myconid_ErolOtus_A4_1eADD.jpg>

2020-04-18 [Pied Crow]: Oh? What ever shall that do?

2020-04-18 [Yuriona]: *holds out a cup for filling*

2020-04-23 [Nuktae-tal]: HEY! AS FOOD PREP YOU SHOULD BE WEARING THIS HAIR NET!!! *hold up grocery bag.*

2020-04-24 [Yuriona]: No thanks. I brought my own. *pulls out mildew covered shower cap & puts it on*

2020-04-27 [~~Butterfly Angel~~]: ghost mushroom :)

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:>

Aww yiss! Thrift stores are opening up again! Got me a Godziller for $3.

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1588542368.jpg>

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1588543110.png>

2020-05-03 [Mortified Penguin]: THERE. DAMN YOU, [Elftron], GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

2020-05-04 [Paul Doyle]: Shin Godzilla still looks like an upright ambulatory hunk of way overdone meat loaf, even in toy form.

2020-05-05 [Pied Crow]: I think Shin Godzilla has nice thighs.

2020-05-06 [Yuriona]: It kinda looks mummified.

2020-05-07 [Sheamus Finn]: I like my Godzilla medium rare this one looks well done

2020-05-07 [Nuktae-tal]: A little crispy in places though...

2020-05-07 [Paul Doyle]: I think next time we want to lay off the irradiated Kingsford barbecue lighter fluid, and stick with the regular stuff.

2020-05-07 [Mortified Penguin]: *a customer suddenly walks in!!*

2020-05-07 [Paul Doyle]: *irradiates the unknowing customer*

2020-05-08 [Draugur dauðans]: holy hell this is alive. I'm alive. How the hell. Also, I love that Godzilla. I just bought the box set of Showa Godzilla movies a few months ago.

2020-05-09 [Pied Crow]: Doyle, don't be so rude!

*gives customer a Scumlabs-sponsored soda*

Five bits.

2020-05-10 [Nuktae-tal]: *opens trenchcoat to reveal Moths!!!* how are these bits?!?!?!

2020-05-10 [Paul Doyle]: furthermore, why are there moths ON the "bits"? O___o

2020-05-10 [Yuriona]: Because they're made of wool of course!

2020-05-11 [Nuktae-tal]: No silly. It's because they BITE!!! Muwahahahaha

2020-05-12 [Paul Doyle]: Are they made out of wood? Do they float?

2020-05-14 [Nuktae-tal]: They drown and die... jeez heartless!!

2020-05-16 [Paul Doyle]: On a three hour tour, a three hour tourrrr . . .

2020-05-16 [Pied Crow]: That's all it was meant to be, but... Aww, that poor ship.

2020-05-17 [Paul Doyle]: <img:stuff/aj/11046/Gilligan%20Trek.jpg>

2020-05-25 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1590373306.jpg>

2020-05-25 [Nuktae-tal]: Interesting... not a spaghetti champion mask?

2020-05-25 [Yuriona]: I could have sworn those are what they use at fraternity beer chugging contests.

2020-05-28 [Particle Girl]: oh it's like. kinda active here?

2020-05-28 [Pied Crow]: could say that.

2020-05-28 [Yuriona]: It's only mostly dead, not all dead. If it was all dead there's only one thing you could do.

2020-05-29 [Paul Doyle]: It's a bit like Schrodinger's cat.

2020-05-30 [Mortified Penguin]: YOUR MOM IS MOSTLY DEAD.

2020-05-30 [Mortified Penguin]: Race war seems to have begun. *starts loading beans into his shotgun*

Those goddamn Inuits are finally going to get what they deserve.

2020-06-01 [Nuktae-tal]: If only America stopped treating people like they were special. *sigh*

2020-06-21 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1592699342.jpg>

2020-06-23 [Nuktae-tal]: *vomits*

2020-06-25 [Pied Crow]: I'm not cleaning that up.

2020-06-25 [Nuktae-tal]: Me either *goes on strike*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: Sup bitches?!

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: *pokes the vomit for I saw something move within, but it just turned out to be a cockroach that got int the way of the vomit*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: *rummages around in the freezer to make room for more dead bodies*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: Why is there a dead penguin in here?! *throws the penguin corpse into a fire I started in the middle of the diner*

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

2020-06-26 Cuntface McGee: What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers!

2020-06-28 [Nuktae-tal]: Desperate....

2020-07-07 [Mortified Penguin]: *waits patiently in line to order*

2020-07-07 [Nuktae-tal]: *Bursts through the window* hello I am jonist Knoxhead and this is my life!

2020-07-08 [Pied Crow]: Mort-the-Bird, don't do that!
Nuked-the-Bird, what would you like to order?

2020-07-09 [Nuktae-tal]: *drops pants* I WANT PUDDING!!!

2020-07-09 [Pied Crow]: I see. Well, that's one order of pudding!

*waits for someone else to get it*

2020-07-09 [Nuktae-tal]: *pulls up pants and pulls shirt up over head and wraps it like a bad turban around head. Uses high pitched voice.* Salt and pepper for me please!

2020-07-09 [Paul Doyle]: ^^^^^Someone get capuchino for The Great Cornholio, STAT!

2020-07-10 [Pied Crow]: Hmmmmmm... I dunno. I'm still waiting on that pudding. Or for Mort-bird to make an order.

2020-07-11 [Mortified Penguin]: *continues staring at the menu*

2020-07-13 [Nuktae-tal]: *puts the penguin on my head* and a raisen for me! *orders using a very bad russian accent*

2020-07-13 [Pied Crow]: Hm. Would you like a raisin instead? I'm not aware of a raisen... Or, did you mean a Risen?

2020-07-23 [Mortified Penguin]: *eats the last box of off-brand raisens*

2020-07-23 [Mortified Penguin]: *spits out chunks of cardboard*

2020-07-28 [Pied Crow]: I'm not... Hmmm....... Okay, sure, I'll clean that up.

2020-08-06 [Mortified Penguin]: OH SHIT. The friscal year is almost over. Still need to update last year's numbers...

2020-08-07 [Nuktae-tal]: What?! Update?! No way! Down date!

2020-08-07 [Yuriona]: And add the "guard" badge to your house again. I see that was also on your to-do list.

2020-08-08 [Paul Doyle]: The friscal year got frisked off, all right.

2020-08-08 [Mortified Penguin]: DON'T MAKE ME USE MY "GUARD" POWERS TO BANISH YOU.

2020-08-08 [Stephen]: Oops, almost pressed the "Delete all comments" button on this page. <img:2706_1128818519.gif>

2020-08-09 [Mortified Penguin]: You are the sixth worst janitor we've ever had. It's been years since you've even shown up to work. Even the cockroaches are covered with dust. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO SERVE DUSTY COCKROACHES TO OUR CUSTOMERS? Though, I guess I could just label them "Dirt Spiced" and charge double... These morons will buy anything, they're insane...

*there aren't any customers*

*there aren't even any roaches*

Anyway, take those scones to those customers at table seven.

*there are only six tables*

*there are scones though, but they're covered in roaches*

2020-08-09 [Sagacious Turkey]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/53406/1596941191.jpg>

2020-08-09 [Paul Doyle]: *Doesn't see Mort's Guard function, but does see . . . gourds, sitting there in a cobweb-strewn corner collecting a film of dust, a once-vibrant display of earthy colorful charm that's now sad and forlorn like that can of New Coke from 1985 . . . and yet, could the gourds not be used for Mort's foul purposes?*

2020-08-09 [Mortified Penguin]: Don't touch my gourds, they aren't ripe yet.

2020-08-09 [Pied Crow]: Rooaar, Turkey-bird, ROOOOAAAARRRR!!!!!

2020-08-09 [Pied Crow]: Oops, I mean... Um, I cleaned up those bits of cardboard. I had to leave the chunks of cardboard, though. Those were trickier than l thought.

2020-08-09 [Yuriona]: Wet cardboard does have a tendency to think that its actually cement. I think the water dissolves its brain.

2020-08-10 [Paul Doyle]: *juggles the gourds*

2020-08-17 [Paul Doyle]: Uh oh, don't look now, but hornets have chewed up the leftover chunks of cardboard and used that to construct a humongous nest the size of a chandelier.

2020-08-20 [Mortified Penguin]: Don't touch my hornets, they aren't ripe yet.

2020-08-20 [Pied Crow]: Oh... So, I guess I should call off the strike from KM6?

2020-08-20 [Yuriona]: Nah. Its not like it'll hit anything.

2020-08-21 [Nuktae-tal]: MY CABBAGES!!!!

2020-08-21 [Paul Doyle]: Oh, sorry. My business partners and I came up with niche-audience virtual salad kits, and the cabbage was really needed to make the chopped salad kits crunchy. Here, maybe you can make good use with the gourds.

2020-08-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Hmm... Lotta chumps logging into their old accounts lately. Guess I better start another round of hardcore spamming.

2020-08-22 [Mortified Penguin]: Aw hell, [Sunrose] is alive again.

2020-08-22 [Yuriona]: <img:44166_1164145101.gif>

2020-08-22 [Nuktae-tal]: ???? Another zombie outbreak?

2020-08-22 [Pied Crow]: This can only mean more revenue for your ecommenty! Uh, ecomonty?

2020-08-22 [Mortified Penguin]: The hell are you talking about? The word is "economy", geez. *goes back to eating [Stephen]'s brain*

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: <img:44166_1164557401.gif>

2020-08-23 [Yuriona]: <img:44166_1164145147.gif> New menu item?

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: Alive is not how I'd describe it :P

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: [Sunrose]'s house is not very alive.
(I just almost accidentally hit the Delete all comments button again. I wish that wasn't directly above the send message button. lol)

2020-08-23 [Nuktae-tal]: I never did do the forum thing here, only the wiki.

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: A lot of members never got into the forums here.
It's not a bad system, it's easier to follow replies and hold conversations because of how it works, but it's also kind of messy and confusing at first.

Also, since the forums are essentially a completely different part of the site and really have no relation to wikis (outside editing access) and nothing to do with houses, they're very easy to overlook / ignore. * shrug *

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: Haven't had the time to revive it, yet!
I loved the forums! :D

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: Were you part of the junk forum crowd? xD

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: What kind of question is that? :P

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: Hey, the junk forum crowd was (mostly) before my time being active here. :P
Ally and Viking are the junkies I know of..

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: [All_Most PUNK] was actually THE junkie, he probably has the stats for most forumpostings written. At least he did at the time.. :P

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: If he did then, he probably still does... and wow, 74.4k written? That's insane. Haha. xD

Also, someone seems to be sending me on an escapade to old houses to remove outdated warnings.. <img:stuff/rushy.png> <img:stuff/aj/61513/1267018542.png>

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: I'm trying to get that patroller badge...

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: I'm sure you're close. You have so many Guard report notes that I can't count how many were reports you filed and not just you being a dutiful Guard. <img:img/mood/61513_1224162230.gif>

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: I think I own that statistic yes :P

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: Easily. I do not envy how much of your time must have went into Guardwork and dealing with people.

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: Just look at my messaging-stats :P

2020-08-23 [Stephen]: 93k. That's a lotta auto messages and a lot of "stop ignoring the auto messages and behave" messages. xD

2020-08-23 [Sunrose]: Pretty much yep x)

2020-08-24 [Nuktae-tal]: Lmao!

2020-08-24 [Pied Crow]: Well, I'm certain no one here was responsible for any of that.

2020-08-24 [Sunrose]: Not at all haha =p

2020-08-24 [Mortified Penguin]: Misty probably was. She's been up to no good for dozens of decades now.

2020-08-25 [Yuriona]: Ugh, there you go again. Always blaming Misty for things that are perfectly explainable.

2020-08-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Misty was responsible for 9/11.

2020-08-25 [Mortified Penguin]: Misty also runs the Central Banks and Hollywood.

2020-08-25 [Nuktae-tal]: I can verify all those things are true.

2020-08-25 [Mortified Penguin]: And if that's not enough to convince you, look at this quote:

"Hi, I'm Misty and I brought down those towers! Also, Building 7. Can you believe people really thought Building 7 just fell on its own? It didn't. I, Misty, brought it down." - Misty

2020-08-25 [Yuriona]: And the Pentagon? What about that one?

2020-08-26 [Mortified Penguin]: The Pentagon doesn't actually exist, so Misty is clean on that one.

2020-08-27 [Sheamus Finn]: Was Misty the 2nd shooter on the grassy knoll?

2020-08-27 [Mortified Penguin]: Second and third.

2020-08-27 [Nuktae-tal]: I can verify that as well.

2020-08-28 [Alexi Ice]: Comment

2020-08-30 [Mortified Penguin]: It was allegedly that crow's birthday on Friday. In celebration, I'm going to go smoke copious amounts of crack in the back office and prepare friscal data.

2020-08-31 [Yuriona]: Only copious amounts? You're cutting back this year.

2020-08-31 [Mortified Penguin]: THE FRISCAL YEAR IS OVER.

2020-08-31 [Mortified Penguin]: THE FRISCAL YEAR IS OVER.

2020-08-31 [Mortified Penguin]: Dammit, Elftown. Get your shit together.

2020-09-01 [Nuktae-tal]: Happy new fiscal year!!

2020-09-02 [Pied Crow]: Happy new year!

2020-09-02 [Pied Crow]: Was on Friday? But, it didn't happen yet.

2020-09-02 [Mortified Penguin]: TOO BAD, I ALREADY SMOKED THE CRACK.

2020-09-03 [Sunrose]: As always..

2020-09-04 [Paul Doyle]: If you're going to San FranFriscal
Be sure to wear Bob's Diner in your hair
If you're going to San FranFriscal
You're gonna meet some fucked up people there . . .

2020-09-22 [Pied Crow]: Uhh, l updated the countdowns and fixed that 'hide' tag not working. I think l got it right.

2020-09-23 [Yuriona]: Its definitely working better than it was. *nods sagely*

2020-09-24 [Paul Doyle]: The wonders of modern technology never cease to amaze :p

2020-10-04 Misty of Mystic Falls: Greetings peasants, the queen has come to grace you with her presence!

2020-10-04 Misty of Mystic Falls: Greetings peasants, the queen has come to grace you with her presence!


2020-10-05 [Nuktae-tal]: Sup!

2020-10-05 [Pied Crow]: The Misty? The Mystic? The Legend?!

2020-10-05 [Yuriona]: Is it the real Misty or just another misty-wanna-be?

2020-10-06 [Nuktae-tal]: Wanna be! I bet my last toenail on it!

2020-10-09 [Mortified Penguin]: MISTY?! *unsheathes his harpoon*

Hey, buddy, I'll sell ya this sweet harpoon for fifty bucks. It's sharp enough to ritually slaughter over 500 cats.

2020-10-27 [Mackenzie]: That's a pretty good deal for such a sharp harpoon. What's the catch?

2020-10-27 [Yuriona]: It will only ritually slaughter over 500 cats.

2020-10-27 [Pied Crow]: The cats are the catch.

2020-10-28 [Paul Doyle]: If the cats are the catch, then who is the Catcher . . . ? *Holden Caulfield from "The Catcher In the Rye" walks in looking surly and 1940s-rebellious* 

2020-10-29 [Mortified Penguin]: PHONY! YOU'RE NOT REAL CAULIFLOWER! *hurls Holden into the casserole cauldron*

2020-10-30 [Paul Doyle]: *golf clap*

2020-10-31 [Pied Crow]: *crow clap*

2020-10-31 [Yuriona]: thunder clap?

2020-11-01 [Paul Doyle]: butt clap?

2020-11-02 [Mortified Penguin]: Gonorrhea.

2020-11-02 [Sheamus Finn]: Herpes!

2020-11-02 [Pied Crow]: Harpies?!

2020-11-02 [Paul Doyle]: -5 Harpsichord of Herpes?

2020-11-03 [Sheamus Finn]: +2 tuba of chlamydia

2020-11-03 [Nuktae-tal]: *waves directing baton*

2020-11-03 [Mortified Penguin]: <img400*0:stuff/aj/92105/1604383300.jpg>

2020-11-03 [Mortified Penguin]: JEB IS GONNA MAKE A COMEBACK TODAY.

2020-11-03 [Paul Doyle]: Tippecanoe and Tyler, too.

2020-11-08 [Mortified Penguin]: <img:stuff/aj/92105/1604876513.jpg>

2020-11-08 [Mortified Penguin]: Betting odds lookin' pretty good if anyone wants to make a lot of money.

2020-11-12 [Mortified Penguin]: *counts the money in the register*

Yup, both units of money are still in here.

*closes register*

2020-11-12 [Mortified Penguin]: Hmm... Someone hasn't updated the Status Report in two years...

2020-11-12 [Mortified Penguin]: Pretty sure that was Crow's responsibility...

2020-11-13 [Yuriona]: But you smoked the crack already.

2020-11-14 [Pied Crow]: Nuh-uh! I fixed the countdowns, remember?!
I mean, uh... That's not true, I fixed the countdowns last month, boss.

2020-11-15 [Paul Doyle]: Pepe's on skid row now, after losing that bet. And nobody cares.

(12h ago) [Mortified Penguin]: PEPE HASN'T LOST NOTHIN'. *angrily eats a frog leg*

(12h ago) [Mortified Penguin]: *the Frenchman cries in pain*

Your name: Write ZX here:

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