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Poetry by [Linderel].


Coal Black Wings
CBW: Archive 2003-2005
CBW: Archive 2006-2007



Burn a hole in the floor
with timid angry eyes
regular patterns of
breathing, in, out
nary a flinch as the book
snaps shut
asked about being so
hard of hearing
not sleeping tonight, it's known
sit under the showerhead
freezing to the bone.

- 10.01.2008


Am I some kind of monster, now?
Precariously balancing
eyes drawn where your humble backs bow
am I... some kind of monster? Now!
Please cease this mad, heartbreaking row
before I force without glancing
Am I some kind of monster now—
precariously balancing

- 14.01.2008

My Cabaret

For this macabre play
my front row seat
gives to a darkened stage
where actors have fled
and the grievous stares
of a hundred hollow-eyed spectators
crush me with their weight

So my weak hands tremble, fall
to call your smile an antidote
would be poetic, but nothing more
than a desperate lie
to save my blackening soul
They want my head and so it shall be
before the curtain falls

- 15.01.2008

Eve of the Winter Ball

My soul alight with possibility
tonight our paths may meet, perhaps even join
yet I shan't have class - nor receive pity
so humbly, as decided with toss of coin

As winds whisper sweet nothings in my ears
this timid resolve grows inside my heart
to find solace with love's blind guidance; fears
so small beside memories of being apart
that the world matters not for this one night

Did anyone ever see your brilliant smile?
I willed it to return with all my might
yet you avoided this gaze every while

Call irony, or whatever you wish
I'm your chosen valentine - and you are mine

- 21.01.2008


Alas, a love poet I am not
when discussing matters of the heart
my wit will not dazzle, nor will it awe
the words are simple, mundane
any verse likely to make you yawn
yet, unheeding, I write of emotions
larger than life itself
trying to find the perfect lines.

- 21.01.2008


kisses gently awake
the little garden rose
before awed eyes of a child
newly given freedom to roam
She eagerly watches
leaves flying by in the
morning breeze
as if on faery wings
while stars, silently twinkling
bid a merry farewell
to return once again

- 22.01.2008

Dawn at the Fae Court

As morning dew so quietly gathered
upon the silky petals of flowers
on a meadow beside the riverbed
beneath trees so tall, as ancient towers
where faeries often held merry balls
young children trooped out, enjoying the sun
and soon stumbled into the fae queen's halls

While others broke, giggling, into a run
one tiptoed lightly round her bed of fern,
of softest moss; and timidly, shyly touched

For one brief moment, held in gaze so stern
as queen Titania woke and sat up
she stood quite still, nervously fidgeting
until she noticed: the queen was smiling

- 23.01.2008

Follow the Leader

On the crowded, lonely alleyways
a winding cobblestone hell
underneath a glaring sun
we walk, forward, for nothing

Sell your soul for a copper penny!
a street vendor cries
beckons with yellowed, rottening smile
that holds no promise

So the children are content to stare
eyes wide in fear or awe-
the rocks are heavy in your grasp
and someone turns to lead you away

In another place
you would lie down, sigh
let the snow angels bless you
with their cold lifeless embrace

Here, hours crawl by
they circle around as a cage—
who told you to come?
One no longer remembers.

- 09.02.2008


Lost little lamb
so straying from your path
where will you go
as the sky opens up
and the answers you seek
elude your timid grasp

Shiver beneath
that hard stinging rain
to ignore the burning
that spreads in tired lungs
could you do it
only to keep looking

Even if you run
all the shelters are shut
filled or overflowing
with unfamiliar faces
and foreign goals
so would you then

go on alone?

- 04.03.2008

Feathered, I

Mockingbird, mockingbird
sing me your praises
shower me with presents
in front of familiar faces
Cry beauty and faith, cry love
lie through your teeth
swear even to the gods above
with that charming smile
Worry not for my darkened heart
come, play to me your roles
with all their twisting silences
until that accursed death knell tolls

- 23.05.2008

Feathered, II

Take a leaf from my book
pass these few hours
so long and so devoid of light
in silence, pondering
If we were white as snow or dark as night
feathers gleaming under the bewitching moon
would their eyes see it
as we arch our necks, poised
Our sweetest, darkest
tenderest swan song
floating away with the waves

- 20.06.2008

Of Myth

Regale us with tales
in the light of blazing hearth
of a beast, a bird so majestic
there shall be no other akin

Had we in our battle-wearied hearts
if but a spark of that fire
that brightly burns in those apart
feeding the fall of the phoenix

In mortal, bound bodies
nary a shadow of deadly grace
which lives in souls of the wildest
as they roam their tangled roads

Come, come, this path shall take
beyond deepest valley reaches
where the phoenix doth fly
its eternal cycle—

death, resurrection, only to perish
in incandescent glory
yet clad in finest feathers
rise once more to the winds

This sight a kind of beauty
one could give life to glimpse
have to hold in his hand
yet no man shall ever come to possess

- 24.06.2008

Furry Haiku

Soft fur tickles nose
she giggles, eyes bright, shining
her bed warm and safe

- 08.07.2008


Press the damn button.
Press it.
Walk from one end of the room
to the other.
Shove words out - it's not that hard.
Over before you know it.
Cut the connection,
breathe out. In. Out.
You lie: Next time will be easier.
Sit down.

- 08.07.2008

Pedestrian Crossing

She sits there
on the weather-worn old bench
day in, day out, clad always
in her prettiest summer dress

Like clockwork
rounds the corner, bounce in her step
at high noon — never later
settles down with a sigh

she is gazed at or sneered upon
but rarely bothered for long;
perhaps worth not their time?

Beside her
you can be told, and she whispers
I'm waiting for the zebras
Papa said they would come

Then she shifts her cane
just slightly, folds her faded dress
looks at you with clear blue eyes
her smile full of wrinkles.

- 16.07.2008

Rhyming Bone

I think I've misplaced
my tiny rhyming bone
so seldom used, barely grazed
might've wandered off all alone
What now, I must wonder
my reason to write torn asunder
shall I succumb to woe, to drama?
— or should I, in fact, simply try harder?
The answer to that, I suspect
is a greatly resounding yes.

- 17.07.2008

Shedding Scales

Sprays from the waves
wet my toes, like tears
but without sorrow or the fears
Does the lake ignore my pains
or is this offering comfort?
Scabbing and falling after years
I look at peeling skin, the stains
ask, I'll tell I am not sunburnt
Just a little girl shedding scales

- 17.07.2008


Does this heart have
whatever valour it takes?
to follow the scorpion's tail
in another end of the universe
chasing some unknown fate

Minds like yours, rife with
such ancient wisdom could
read our fortunes in the stars
in indecipherable shapes—
but their only true offer is
fleeting illusions of clarity

So did those stars ever
reveal our destinies?
with all this misfortune
and endless strife
staining our hands red and black
perhaps we are better to stay lost

- 27.08.2008

Haiku for the Blue Sky

Autumnal azure
swallows up each of my griefs
carries it away

- 22.09.2008

Untitled haiku

Running with moonbeams
as they card through shaggy fur
joy in rare freedom

- 31.10.2008

Within the Lights

Come, now, do not be coy
as the dance, the pulse grows
take refuge in this joy

Do you see that frail boy
who all his burden throws?
Come, now, do not be coy

Who would this haven destroy?
As mortality slows
take refuge in this joy

No denial to alloy
where your heart tonight goes
come, now, do not be coy
take refuge in this joy

- 05.11.2008

If You Are Able

If you're able to breathe safety
stability, take it in like air—
large gulps, as if starved
for the sensation
(for peace from clamouring voices)
if you are able—

Take no note of
the scars and scratches—
mere illusions
(illusions, stains in your eyes)
get the silence you need
in familiar arms

and spare no thought
(not a single one)
to the reality that awaits—
cold, lonely, so far away
If you're at the end of your rope
search for the ground under your feet.

- 08.11.2008

Bound Maiden

With crown of feathers upon fairest hair
see this fragile form not meant to bow
proudly she bends her head to prayer

Elven child of Earth, now laid bare
forced to break each sacred vow
with crown of feathers upon fairest hair

Her wings bound, yet she will not despair
or question her people, her goddess how
proudly she bends her head to prayer

With one last song she will ensnare
and plant seeds of hope, defiant now
with crown of feathers upon fairest hair

As in a dream she becomes aware
of caresses upon pale fevered brow
with crown of feathers upon fairest hair
proudly she bends her head to prayer

- 09.11.2008

Winter Lullaby

Silence the bells, child
cover their silver with dark drapes
—sing them to slumber and watch
as outside all quietens, stills
sighing a deep weariness

Tilt your head, child
breathe in the cold of winter
—see as the snow falls
covering angels, footprints
and lays them to rest

Wander to the lake, child
down the slippery meandering path
—listen to the sounds
as the water surges, roars, yes, binds
and let it embrace you gently.

- 18.12.2008

Silenced Stories

Was there something dearer
than a childhoold storybook?
Its pages now torn
it is laid aside, no voice to read

Far up in her tower
the princess still waits
gazing morosely at
brambled bush, its tangled roots

If the fairy tale is over
who is there to tell?
Her silent pleas
if impassioned, still go unheard

The royal daughter
abandoned to cruel fate
dust now in her hair
she is forgotten, left behind

She would wish power
over her greying locks
slowly wrinkled skin
but knows no spell, no enchantment

Her time now draws nearer
as deep within bitterness grows
the prince is long gone
and with him, the spectre of love faded.

- 18.12.2008

Fairytale Ending

Sink down with the wearied winter sun
another day’s toil complete — but at what price
Why don’t you simply break and run?
Out far in the horizon something shines
strive, yearn, hope and scream — it cannot be reached
darling, you must read between the lines
there’s no prince charming and never once was one

- 20.01.2009

Sangria Bird Sings

Red of heart, of soul, of hand
her reality is this impassioned act
this prison that she cannot stand
a glass shell that could not be cracked

Captive, shamed and on display
yet her fire-tipped wings burn
even as they begin to fray
and a bitter hatred, churn

All those lies have left her helpless
stranded, with shreds of dignity
hanging about in fragile threads
but she does not want their pity

Weakened yet still not broken
she'll smile till everything blurs
and tear his own heart wide open
as thanks for twisting hers

- 21.01.2009

Shipping Hearts

One hundred days among the seas
sailing towards the unknown
without sun, without warmth
only the wind and the rain
and a hope to move mountains

Tides turn and seasons fly
one thousand days among the seas
yet the stars still go unseen
and the gales grow ever stronger
muting all else

—and as for hope?
Gone, like my heart.

- 25.01.2009

Prey for Loki

Pull the treasure from your pocket
watch her spirit crumble with the walls
as what was kept under lock and key
shoots forward and never stops

In pained silence she will drift
strain for your presence or any sign
of the legendary rainbow bridge
but you with your mischievous smile
were always an anomaly to her

- 26.01.2009


In thy bounteous womb grow
these perfect, ripened fruit
they tumble and they fill
our ever questing arms
O Amalthea!
thy precious horn
enwrapped in a vine of wisteria
it waits for the poor
and the worthy alike
as passes syzygy
after another and yet one
before the dark and thy fall.

- 14.02.2009


Every other day
a new obsession
such a strong attraction

Oh so restless, running in circles
searching, searching
for a thrill
a reciprocal gaze
locked eyes and a stomach full
of butterflies

It's a quest for love, baby
or something very much like it
and I'm done sitting around
just waiting

Please go ahead, be my victim
of amateur lust
and clumsy blushing infatuation

- 20.02.2009


Speak the names of stars and I gaze down
from my silently laughing journey
Offer a smile, let me kiss it
take our breath so suddenly away
Oh, do not talk, just dance with me
and let the world sway to a fade

- 24.02.2009

One of Valour

Sweet serendipity
to find on your path
such strong conviction,
unwavering faith;
although paper-thin
this veneer, your one
beloved illusion of truth
is the heart of the enigma:

You, immersed
in your epic quests
holding steady
against so many nefarious plots
to take this reality away.

- 16.03.2009

Spring's Arrival

Dawn creeps in on a late March day
sending rays of warmth to waking souls and
should it make you smile so much,
stretch and purr in the morning sun
as the spring light flows through your veins—
yes, you can float this way
and though it is yet cold the earth
with the ever brightening air will tell you:
The temperate winds, the budding blooms of April
are soon to be here.

- 24.03.2009


Tumble, tumble, trip and moan
stake a claim and pick a bone
down to the chamber she goes
for the curious nightly firefly shows
One of these caskets could be her own
she barely remembers them — or her foes
In this nocturnal world she walks alone
with the moon and the blazing fire
devouring her home, and in its throes
surrenders to pain and sinks in oblivion's mire.

- 08.04.2009


I am not Tinkerbell, said she
eyes hazy in wistful memory
no name for a fragmented legend
only the fine mist of breath
to make of illusion a reality

Her tattered dress and flowered hair
are familiar from fantasy
an old tale nigh forgotten
buried under countless centuries
of heroines more fortunate than she

When fragile wings tremble with sudden fright
and weakly strain to fly
her eyes speak in clear despair
this is more than mere agony

This is the death of a fairy tale.

- 24.04.2009

Even Saints Wear Black

Deep, dark, damp: your familiar pit
comfortable in its grim predictability
has become the home of your addiction
a terrible, shameful obsession;
the place where you nurture every one
of your hurt feelings, wounded dignities
and wonder, idly, when living in light
became so very difficult, so beyond
the hesitant grasp of your broken fingers—
and wonder, too, why every mouth
seems to hound you with endless questions
you never had the answers for

   And so when the dawn comes after another sleepless night
you hide from the sun, hurl your curses at the light
wish, so fervently wish you could simply
be assimilated by the dark; be swallowed whole, and disappear—
perhaps then you could finally be happy,
wouldn't have to know
even saints wear black, fall apart at the seams
and lose themselves in misery
if they cannot find a way to


- 26.04.2009

Seal Your Lips

Tonight is a hushed-up affair
closed curtains, locked doors
(do not disturb)
with the two of us staring at something
beyond either's reach yet still
approaching nirvana
and if suddenly
the world should spin on its axis
faster than ever before
or come to an abrupt, jarring halt
I could not let you go

Please don't ask for the limelight
you know you don't deserve
the collision of our bodies tonight is
private, not to be sullied by
your ignorance or mine or theirs

and if I remember how I
was hell bent on
washing away any trace of you,
your scent, your touch, the essence--
of myself, perhaps
because I drowned in you, remember
such a long time ago
it cannot be of consequence
(I'm burying the memory of your skin)

So I have this master plan
lurid, really
with all its intricate details
(a little like knotwork)
for no other purpose than
to catch you
or maybe your ghost
whatever is left of you
in this darkened house
where, just once, you loved me
and my soul was yours to scar.

- 07.07.2009

Close Your Eyes

Hush, my blinded prince
do not pretend to cry for me
or whatever happened in our
(barely remembered)
shared past where you
were the most beautiful face I'd ever seen and
my pulse beat wildly
under rough yet tender hands--
those days, worth everything
or nothing at all
have been locked away

In truth, that heartache
is (ancient news)
so much like a
half-forgotten paper cut or
maybe thousands of them
stinging bitterly when you least expect
it and when you think
all hurt is beyond this flesh

and if you ever dared to imagine
my hatred would
stop here where the memories lie
in so many pieces, along with
the remnants of my love
(it was like a drug for so long)
then pause and turn back to
see what you broke, what once was ours
a thing of hideous beauty that
no one should've had the power
to tear apart
except your resentment and
my foolish prayers for serenity,

I will see us both
torn up and
forever erased.

- 09.07.2009


What is your rush, starlight child?
Stop and gaze up into the sky
your true heart-home
swallow the bitter words swelling on your tongue
and let yourself soar--
there, naught but a speck
on the dark velvet of night
revel in the joy of knowing
where you will always belong
the brightest star of them all.

- 24.08.2009

The Flower

Swaying in the heat of a summer breeze
the flower stands, unknowing
unaffected by the surrounding world
yet its petals a bright red
of spilled blood, a vivid reminder
that even the softest, sweetest things
like the silken touch of a flower's tips
are never as pure as they seem

- 24.08.2009

Thus, Purified

Look, I will say, give me that knife
and I will peel myself like a ripened apple
red-cheeked, bleeding my heart's juice
all over trembling fingers and I will

strip, cut and slice
until there is nothing left
but for a whisper of bare skin and bones
and seeds that will never grow
without the blood of my sacrifice, the ashes
of my core, the heart
that yielded none of its secrets
and kept all of its loves.

- 01.09.2009

Call Me Mary

Making her way
through the crowds of a sin-coloured dusk
she runs to love, its twisted image
on the speed-dial of faceless,
tasteless men — their arms never quite enough
to smother the flickering of her dreams
of a world where:
belly dancers are not two-dollar whores,
melted toasters don't sit next to broken coffee machines
in junkyard apartments and
most of all
the sound of ambulance sirens
is not a nightly lullaby

—but she runs every twilight,
runs closer to the edge for she knows:
dreams are a folly she can never afford.

- 20.09.2009

Light the Torch

The heart stutters,

against you I have no armour
the pearl of my shell chinked
by a simple smile, a subtle scent
each and every greeting—

yes, you had me at hello

- 24.09.2009


Caught up in secretive smiles
musical chairs and the one missing beat
I stand, confused, lost in a possibility of
some great love
coming to save me from myself
and decisions always made too late or not at all

for the fear, the numbing terror
of never being enough or being just a little bit
too much

Did I wait too long?
The crossroads has passed by
leaving nothing but threads of unravelled,
feebly echoing dreams and the notion
such a silly notion
of a deeper meaning behind the anguish—

There is no more to life than this.

- 19.11.2009

A Philologist's Love Poem

Words press, unformed,
weighing heavily against the breastbone
striving to break for the larynx;
waiting to be uttered,
to be expelled in a rush of air
pushed between teeth and clumsy tongue
in an array of sounds, syllables
and sweet, shy meaning—
but the words are malformed
the syntax garbled, jumbled
by some failure in the brain's synapses
or the poet's heart
cowering back in fear

- 10.12.2009

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