Welcome to The Heritage Jokes Page
This page is for all the heritage/background jokes out there. (cuban, mexican, polish, etc.) If you are offended by these jokes then don't read them.
I'm not exactly sure if this belongs here, but I think it's close enough.
The European Union commisioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short)
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with"k". Not only will this klear up Konfusion, but typewriters Kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling Kan be expekted to reach the stage where more Komplicsted changes are possible.
Goverments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a teterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the forth year, peopl wil bereseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" Kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations og leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
Ze Drem vil finali Kum tru.
Submitted by [iippo]
The following are children's answers to Sunday School questions in a Church of England, as they were reprinted by St. Paul's (Episcopal) Church in Seattle, Washington:
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
Henry VIII thought so much of Wolsey that he made him a cardigan.
The fifth commandment is: Humor thy father and mother.
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day but a ball of fire at night.
When Mary heard she was to be the mother of Jesus, she went off and sang the Magna Carta.
[Salome was a woman who danced naked in front of Harrod's.] XD!
Holy acrimony is another name for marriage.
Christians can have only one wife. This is called monotony.
The Pope lives in a vacuum.
Paraffin is next in order after seraphim.
Today, wild beasts are confined to the Theological Gardens.
The patron saint of travelers is St. Francis of the seasick.
[Iran is the Bible of the Muslims.] XD!
[A Republican is a sinner mentioned in the Bible.]
Abraham begat Isaac and Isaac begat Jacob and Jacob begat twelve partridges.
[The natives of Macedonia did not believe, so Paul got stoned.]
The First Commandment: Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
It is sometimes difficult to hear what is being said in church because the agnostics are so terrible.
Terror Alert in France
Paris, July 26, 2005 - AP and UPI reported that after the new attacks in London, the French government has raised its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE on their four level danger scale.
The two higher French danger levels are SURRENDER and COLLABORATE!
The rise was precipitated by a fire yesterday which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing their military according to informed sources.
Submitted by [M_Sinner]
In other French News, the streets have recently been deemed unsafe due to the rioting groups that have begun participating in Car tipping and vandalism.
The french government has deemed that its populace can't deal with a bunch of angry teenagers.
Bush has Authorized the deployment of up to two (2) Marines to correct the French rebels. "I'm not sure how they're going to take the heat," reported Marine Commandant, "My men were never trained to endure the light reflected by 400 white flags all displayed at once.
(Please note: The first half of this is an ACTUAL article. Rofl)
Submitted by [M_Sinner]
Boy: Mommy, I don't want to go to america anymore.
Mother: Shut up and keep swimming!
submitted by [moonscale]
A Mexican guy, a black guy, and a white guy are stranded on a desert island, and they find a lamp. They all rub the lamp and a genie appears and tells them that they each have a wish.
The Mexican guy wishes that all his people in America were back in Mexico and happy. *POOF* All the Mexicans are back in Mexico and happy.
The black guy wishes that all his people in America were back in Africa and happy. *POOF* All the blacks are back in Africa and happy.
The white guy looks at the genie and ask 'All the Mexicans and blacks are out of America?'
The genie replies 'Yes'
'Well I'll have a coke then."
Submitted by [Kito-Tai]
How smart are they?!
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