Looking at the gun I knew that it had been inevitable from the beginning. As certain as the sun would rise and, as she sat silently in the corner, I knew that she knew this as well. If I turned my head to look at her she would disappear as if she were never even there at all, so I watched her from the corner of my eye, watched her watching me through her one good eye, and quietly I wept. I wanted so badly to look upon her face just once more, no matter how badly broken the bones were, no matter how she continued to bleed black from the deep gash on the top of her head, the dark droplets leaving tell tale stains upon the floors that could never be scrubbed out.
“I loved you.” I whispered, a shudder running through me as I felt the time approaching. “Baby- you know I did. Why did you do it to me?” If only she would show some kind of sign that she heard my words, my desperate pleas. Like a broken doll she just sat there, my perfect, beautiful, lovely angel, with her legs stretched out in front of her and her arms hanging limp at her sides.
I picked up the gun. I thought I was ready but my hand trembled still at the weight of it in my hand. Why was I such a coward? I needed to go to her, to hold her and love her again, to tell her how sorry I was for the bruises on her arms and the bloody tears in her white nightgown. It had always been my favorite. Choking on a sob I put the gun back down and my face in my hands, allowing the tears to flow. Through my fingers I could still see her there, my sweet Lily, she looked so sad and forlorn.
“I should never have let you go Lily, you need me don't you baby girl? That's why you're still here, waiting for me.” She did not reply, but I knew she wanted to. No one knew Lily better than me. That was why I was still so confused as to why she did it. “Why did you Lily? Why did you tell me no?” Just thinking about that night made my head throb where she hit me with the bedside lamp. Such a terrible thing she did, it didn't leave me with any choice now did it? She made me chase her into the kitchen and all but put that knife in my hand herself. I leaned back into my chair and closed my eyes, a vision of her in my mind's eye, the echo of her screams in my ears.
She'd made a mistake, but I would fix things. I would make all right again. When I opened my eyes again she was still in the corner, just barely visible in my peripheral. As I continued to look at her without actually looking at her I reached out and wrapped my fingers around the gun again, lifting it. I placed the barrel against my lips and smiled. “Don't worry baby, I'm coming.” I opened my mouth, tasting cold metal against my tongue as I squeezed the trigger.
I rose from the couch and turned to look at the angel in the corner and this time she did not fade away into the shadows.”Lily.” She looked up at me and gasped, her delicate fingers going to her mouth as she shook her head.
“Adam- no you can't- you can't be here!” My smile was serene as I went to her and lifted her up into my arms. There were no marks on her body, no stab wounds, and no bloody gashes; my death had washed it all away.
“It's okay baby, I'm here now, and I forgive you.” I held her just enough away from me to stare lovingly into her big blue eyes. “But you have to promise to never leave me again Lily.” Her hands pressed against my chest, trying to push away as she stared up at me in disbelief, her mouth gaping open without a sound coming out. ”Promise?” I insisted a little more firmly. She winced as I dug my fingers into her arms, leaving brand new bruises in her flesh. At last she nodded and I released my grip and moved a hand up to stroke her cheek. She was crying again, but I knew it was only because she was so happy I had finally joined her. I knew because I knew everything about her. Not even death would change that.