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2007-03-23 18:05:52
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Jez 'The Sheep of Death' Hewes: Traveller, theoretical physicist and nutcase

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J. E. Hewes was born on Omicron Persei VI, seconds before the deadly meteor shower of '698, and how he survived has been the subject of many a conspiracy theory. Several journalists have attempted to reconstruct the events that caused the meteor shower and therefore shed some light on how he survived, but the matter was closed once Hewes himself admitted that he caused the meteor shower after a great night out.

After getting a Galactic Honours Degree in theoretical physics at the age of 7 to the power of 3, he befriended interplanetary tramp Chaz Duckworth, who with him stole the Hyperspatial Supernova, the official ship of the Galactic President (acquiring the nickname 'the one known simply and sinsterly as Jez' along the way), and managed to catch the attention of the Time Police by dabbling about in Black Hole Anomalies (a curious concept which can be exploited to do just about anything) and surprisingly (and, apparently, accidentally) creating several new species, including the Glarbulonian Giraffe, the Charles Duckworth Space Toad and the Cow (all of which were named by Hewes and Duckworth during a drunken night out), and causing the impromptu apocalypses of several backwater planets.

When they were finally caught by the Time Police in a bar on Grebulon IX and banished to the democratic era of Earth, they concocted several major escape attempts, which were later chronicled and published by Duckworth in a book titled Fast Cars, Doritos and the Universe (available from Starduck Publications for $12.99). In the last of these, a final stand at a petrol station in Mexico, Hewes was caught in a teleportation malfunction and was accidentally teleported to the Spirit of Jazz, the ship of his cousin Matt Price the (in)famous time vigilante, and his partner Josh Mills. He now resides aboard the Spirit of Jazz, and is working on an essay for his Higher Degree in theoretical physics (now 33,689 years overdue in real time) which he intends to give to himself 5 minutes before the deadline.




The Various Works Of; Jez




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