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Page name: Chapter 1 - Proven Worthy [Logged in view] [RSS]
2007-04-15 20:32:48
Last author: Sunrose
Owner: Nadie importante
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<img:stuff/C%3ADocuments%20and%20Settingsdavid%20and%20heatherMy%20DocumentssukeET%20graphicsgardenbullet1.jpg>Chapter 1 - Proven Worthy<img:stuff/C%3ADocuments%20and%20Settingsdavid%20and%20heatherMy%20DocumentssukeET%20graphicsgardenbullet1.jpg>






It was impossible not to hear the voices in the main hall “Nonsense! Trust a creature to this delicate task? Have you all gone senseless? I haven’t, and I’m sure there is no possible way…”

“She has been our ally and friend for many years, like her mother before her..centuries! She is well skilled and truly, the only one able to survive the quest, we all do know this” then, many voices broke in, all discussing, hollering across the hall, where not a single voice could be heard clearly.
*

But from the corridors, you could hear someone approaching, very soft steps, followed by the soft breathing sound of an animal; meanwhile back in the hall, the same arguing voice could be heard “ I do warn you, a fer is not something to trust, they are indeed very dangerous creatures, I have heard that with their singing, they can make a man go blind of their sense, and then just when they have you, they__ the doors opened and a young looking girl, followed by a panther-looking-feline and a hawk resting on her forearm interrupted “they stab you in the back, and consume your soul to leave you like a living-dead, am I not correct, master Thilas?” “You are rude, you! And this is what we must rest our problems on? A young girl, her cat and a bird?”
A young girl with a very fit body, long brown hair, brown eyes and a peculiar cheeky way of looking, “Have some respect, as fore I have not insulted you; yes indeed I am of trust, I am Leicrah, daughter of Sadriel, and last of my kin, this bird as you say is Carak, a merodan hawk, and this is my loyal companion Ashiasi, which indeed is a lot bigger than a cat; more like a Surethna. Now I have said who I am, it would be a pleasure if you would just tell me who you are” “ all from me you need to know__ he snapped__ is my name which you do, and that I’m witness master of the council decision room. You should also know that I do not agree with you taking over such an important task, especially if there is no one to be supervising you. Some notes for the here gentlemen, she is still a child and is as stubborn and rude as all fers have been through out our record and worst of all she’s female”



- Small fragment of chapter 1 of "The Unicorn's Heir".



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About it


These parrographs are the first of chapter 1. where you will be introduced to the main characters and the mission.

What Leicrah has to do, is retrieve seven stones that have scattered in different periods of time. The head of council, Gowen Altan shows Leicrah the chamber of balance, where he gives her the first stone.
Each stone has a platform where it perfectly fits, and each platform also has the mold of a hand.
Leicrah places her hand and is transported into another 'dimention' in company of Carak and Ashiasi.

Through out this chapter you have some action, small dialogues in Ferdan, a short view on Leicrah's way of life, what seems to be Leicrah's platonic love and an aclaration of how ' the heck' Leicrah will find the other 6 stones in random places.

Characters:
Leicrah: a stubborn playful woman that acts more like a rebel teenager. Appereance between 17-20, not very tall, athletic, brunnette hair tied in a long braid. She has brown eyes and normal skin. It is also mentioned that she has mermaid heritage allowing her to be underwater for many days.

Ashiasi: A surethna, looks like a black panther that has the ability of telepathy, which is how she comunicates

Carak: Leicrah's pet merodan hawk. A hawk of fers only, grey with white spots on his chest

Thilas: witness master of the council decision room. In other words his job is to supervize all the desicions taken about the regions making sure they follow all the correct stablished fundaments and HE DOESN'T LIKE LEICRAH.

Gowen Altan: Head of the Ferolum council, supervisor of the politics and reign of the regions. Even though Leicrah has seen him grow, he treats her like his grand-daughter

Thrandil: A mistirious high-elf Leicrah seems to admire very much. She 'met' him by looking into a special bowl (believed to be elven) filled with water and using some of her powers.

Note: Basically what i post is what you can read in the chapter....Maybe I add one or two things, but i keep it to what you can see so that way I dont kill the thrill;)

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To finish of


“Well, I suppose this is what I wanted” Leicrah said as she placed the emerald green stone in her bag, “I only hope you don’t give up on your first try” Ashiasi said,
“Oh, don’t you trust your own training given to me?” Leicrah responded with a cheeky smile, “It is not the training I doubt, it is the apprentice from which I’m doubtful” Ashiasi stated sitting next to one of the bases, Leicrah opened her eyes widely and rolled them, she walked up to where Ashiasi was, from her bag she took out her dark brown cape; after putting it on, she drew one of her daggers just in case something would happen, she took a last look at the beautiful chamber, she saw Gowen leaning on the door and Carak standing on the fairy’s hands, she put on her hood… then she moved her right hand closer to the mold, not sure of what she was doing, Ashiasi stood close to her and Carak landed on her shoulder. She pressed her hand against the rectangular golden column and suddenly everything turned black. She could feel she was turning, faster and faster, she tried to look around for Ashiasi and Carak but she couldn’t see them, then she heard voices, and just when things were getting clearer, she blacked out.

[As you can see, from the last time there was something in "to finish off" it is now completly different]


Special thanks to:
[Ittai]for the Grey divider.
[Mordigen]for the first bullet.




Onwards to...

* Leicrah's story
* Writer's home: [Nadie importante]
* writers
* Ferolum Events

Username (or number or email):

Password:

2007-02-03 [Tigers and Trees]: It was impossible not to hear the voices in the main hall “Nonsense! Trust a creature to this delicate task? Have you all gone senseless? I haven’t, and I’m sure there is no possible way…” “She has been our alley and friend for many years, like her mother before her..centuries! She is well skilled and truly, the only one able to survive the quest, we all do know this” then many voices broke in,...

This is not how you write dialogue unless you are doing something odd or creative (like something Ernest Hemingway might do). However, even then, it needs to be done in correct grammar.

Done correctly:

"It was impossible not to hear the voices in the main hall. “Nonsense! Trust a creature to this delicate task? Have you all gone senseless? I haven’t, and I’m sure there is no possible way…”

“She has been our ally (your character is not a narrow street with walls on both sides. She's a confident and trusted friend) and friend for many years, like her mother before her... (THREE periods are ellipses, and a space after.) centuries! She is well skilled and truly, the only one able to survive the quest, we all do know this. And then many voices broke in,..."

You also spelled paragraphs wrong. Spell check. Message me when you've fixed this and I will come back to finish commenting on grammar and spelling. Content comes later if you can handle it.

2007-02-05 [Dark Side of the Moon]: <img:stuff/c-gif.gif> sheesh...

Take it easy there. English isn't [Nadie importante]'s first language.

2007-02-05 [Lothuriel]: Not to mention you used incorrect grammar yourself...

2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: Oh dont worry girls they are silly mistakes that dont appear in my word document so no worries:)
and somewhere, english is my first lenguage but i havent studied in english for like 4 years so:P

2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: Well there it is, a little corrected, I didnt put the AND after "then many voices..etc" because I simply don't like how it sounds...priviledge of being the writer *tanning under the sun* hehe

2007-02-05 [Lothuriel]: Sorry, my comment was geared to [Tigers and Trees]....I should have said that.

2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: I got that dont worry...But to tell you the truth it was just those stupid phonetic mistakes one usually does...and grammer..well thats why one of my best friends is a profetional english teacher:P

2007-02-05 [Nadie importante]: BTW depending on how I correct chapter one, I might divide it into two chapters! or not, its just an idea...so about this little wiki:-) whats everyones opinion apart from the contents itself, I wouldnt know what else to add and I dont want to give too much extra information since I would spoil the surprise:P

2007-03-02 [Nadie importante]: YEEIH! chapter one is finally finished, i will be posting up the changes very soon^^

2007-06-09 [birdsong]: I enjoyed your story very much!
You did a great job of introducing the charactors, the setting and the basic plot! Well done! I'm looking forward to reading more :D

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