[Just another heartache on my lips.]'s diary

786985  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-05-02
Written: (5216 days ago)

Didn't get much sleep last night.
Mom lost it.
I yelled at her.
She cut my dad across the eye.
Tore up a bit of the sofa with a knife.
Almost slapped me for yelling, "Fuck you!" at her after she hurt my dad and left him on the floor, sobbing in frustration and bleeding.
When she came up to me, I started trembling and screamed that I wanted to die and broke down sobbing. Then she stopped and started rubbing my back, yelling at my dad.
Whatever.
I almost attempted suicide last night. <3
But I didn't.
I just have new cuts on my left arm.

786482  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-05-01
Written: (5217 days ago)

In fourth right now. Likeohmygawd. The school is close to empty. w00t. Boycott day! <3

...Well. Parents stayed home and me and my brother had to go to school. Geefunfunlikewhoa.

*giggles*Listening to Rock Lobster by the B-52's. Likeyay. Brought my mp3 player and digital camera to school. Took a few random pictures. w00t.

Oh! And I AM going to Italy and Greece next year. YAY! <3

Oh, and I might be gone for a week in about two months. Going to San Fransico with the family. I think.

AP World History test on Wednesday. Which means I'm going to cram today and tomorrow. Along with work on a speech with Jeanette for English. Ugh. Well, I'm off. Have work to finish for computers. Ciao. <3

786231  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-05-01
Written: (5217 days ago)

[TEN Random Things About Me]
10. I space out when people talk to me. Not to be mean, though. It just happens.
9. I'll always attempt to help people. Even if they're being annoying. -.-
8. Humanity makes me go emo.
7. I cut myself. Ohmygawd. EMO WHORE!
5. I daydream. All the time. Likewhoa.
6. My therapists suggested that I may have A.D.D. :D
4. I hate bad memories.
3. I love to get stuffed animals from people. They make me feel happy. <3
2. I believe in Natural Beauty. <3
1. ...I have a frail heart. No matter what I say or do.

[NINE Ways To Win My Heart]
9. Give me hugs.
8. Make me laugh.
7. Cheer me up whenever I get sad.
6. Be yourself. Not someone else.
5. Walk with me in the rain.
4. Make me smile.
3. Give me a stuffed animal.
2. Be there for me.
1. Be a good friend.


[EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die]
8. Go out of the country.
7. Become active in things I believe are right.
6. Go to and graduate from college.
5. Meet that special someone.
4. Get married. <3
3. Help people.
2. Be happy.
1. Go to college with Shelby/move in with her. Non-lesbian shmex. XD <3


[SEVEN Things That Annoy Me]
7. When people flip their hair in my face.
6. Ignorant tards.
5. Homophobes.
4. Humanity.
3. Animal cruelty.
2. Child abuse.
1. Depression.


[SIX Things I Believe In]
6. Life after death.
5. Aliens.
4. Ghosts.
3. Love.
2. Fairies.
1. True love.


[FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of]
5. Falling.
4. Being alone.
3. Rape.
2. Death.
1. ....depression.


[FOUR Favorite Items In My Room]
4. My bed.
3. Alarm clock.
2. TV/DVD player.
1. Books.

[THREE Things I Do Everyday]
3. Go to school.
2. Think about Shelby.
1. Daydream.


[TWO Things I Want To Do Right Now]
2. Be with Shelby. Now and forever.
1. Sleep.


[ONE Person I Want to See Right Now]
1. Shelby. Because she's my one and only. And she's awesome and tastes better than Prozac. xD Hee. I love her sho mucho. <3

786089  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-04-30
Written: (5218 days ago)

Mine and Shelby's song. Chyeah. <3

Nine Days-Absolutely (Story Of A Girl)




This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles



Now how many days in a year
She woke up with hope
But she only found tears
Now I can be so insincere
Makin her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearin the holes in the soles of her shoes
Now how many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose



Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say



This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles



Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this shit
Day after day
Now how did we wind up this way
Watchin our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearin the clothes or the soles that we choose
Now how do we get there today
When we're walkin too far for the price of our shoes



Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say



This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles



Well your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say



This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her



This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her



This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
Oh when she smiles!
786037  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-04-30
Written: (5218 days ago)

Stephy:



<img:http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c6/punkishpoho/th_9520dc72.gif>
<img:http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c6/punkishpoho/th_daughtersisterbff.png>
<img:http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c6/punkishpoho/th_f3b2a7d5.jpg>
<img:http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c6/punkishpoho/th_d7007446.jpg>
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<img:http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c6/punkishpoho/th_c5fcac25.jpg>
<img:http://s24.photobucket.com/albums/c6/punkishpoho/th_z5330582.jpg>
<img:http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f378/LuPotter/th_0e4af278.gif>
<img:http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y238/G554life20/th_83102.png>
<img:http://i35.photobucket.com/albums/d175/lesbloodqueen/th_thangry6.gif>
<img:http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e242/love_x_heartache/avatars/th_emoharry.gif>
<img:http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a24/reina_del_moral/Avatars/th_yeah.gif>
785716  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-04-30
Written: (5218 days ago)

Gee. Thank you, stupid, used computer. You messed up my digital camera. Which means, this stupid computer has just ruined my day. And you know what? I don't even know why I bothered to get back online. Meh. Screw you all. Unless I actually like you. Other than that, fuck you. <3

And now the speakers aren't working. Fucking AWESOME. Son of a fucking WHORE.

...This is what I get for not taking my medication today, bitches. Hee. Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK.

I swear. I feel like throwing one of those stupid tantrums that the stupid little rich girls on that Sweet Sixteen show on MTV do all the time. Those WHORES need to be dropped down in South Central and shot at. :3

Ugh, had download MSN, YIM, and AIM all over again, too. And all my photos and such that I had on the other computer are now GONE. Unless my dad actually managaed to save them. *sighs*

Well, updates on school life and such. -->

Honors English:
I have managed to scrape in a low B for the time being. It can still go down, though. Especially with the debate. But I've become lazy as of late. Gah. But, other than that, we haven't been doing much. Mr. Vorwald backed off for a bit due to the AP Exam. Now I'm just worried about his class AFTER the exam is over with. *shudders*

Spanish I
Trying to figure out if I'm going to take two years of Spanish, two years and then AP Spanish in my senior year, or just three years of regular Spanish for Native Speakers. Very confused about that. Anyways, that F should have gone away by now. I've turned in all but...three assignments? Though I think I bombed NASTY on the last test. Great. </3

Lunch:
...I have to include this because I don't EAT at lunch. Nooo. I either have homework to finish in the library or a club meeting. And when I have nothing else to work on, I usually get dragged there to the library by someone else. @.@ Not the most pleasurable time of the day.

AP World History:
Had to go to school today. On a Saturday. From seven until noon. Why? Practice test. Stupid AP Exam is next week. *whimpers*And I barely scraped a passing grade on the practice test. XD Along with almost everyone else. I'm also thinking of taking AP U.S. History in my junior year. Yup, yup. Another AP Class for me. ^^

Computers:
...Catching up on work that I've missed due to leaving early.

Chyeah. Now I'm just trying to figure out which classes I'm gonna take later this year. Honors English, AP U.S History and AP Enviromental Science are just some of the classes I'm interested in. And possibly photography as well. Ah, well. I'll look into it during May. <3

Anyways, other than that, getting my glasses, and being sick and angry at people, that's about it. Adios. <3

784656  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-04-27
Written: (5221 days ago)
Next in thread:

Computer broke.



So, I may only be on during my fourth block class: Computers.
Unless my dad manages to fix the computer or buy whatever is needed. So, I don't know how long that will take. One day? A week? A month? Dunno.

So, yeah. Other than that, I have a cold. More stress from school --> I have an F in two classes. So I'm going to be busy making up work and working on projects for other classes.

AP Exam next week.
Trip to Italy and Greece is now a maybe...with a question mark right next to it. Money issues.

Anyways, whatever. Bye. <3
784186  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-04-26
Written: (5222 days ago)

Chyeah. Disneyland fucking rocked. With an extra side of ohmygawd. :3

I got myself a Winnie the Pooh plushie and something for Shelby. <3 Gawd. That place costs too much.>.< So I couldn't get anything for Stacy, Tyler, Diane, or Jeanette. </3 I'll make it up to them. Especially Tyler and Stacy. <3

Though, I think Splashdown made me even more sick. @.@ I officially have a cold. And that damn ride caused me and my brother to become drenched. Likeohmygawdlotsandlots. XD Looked like I took a shower with my clothes on. Oo; And Peter looked like a penguin when he was walking. XD Fun, fun.

Mom and dad got on that Roger Rabbit ride on their own. I took all my siblings with me. XD Got dizzy. @.@ Lines tended to be less than half an hour. :3 But Disney's Mexican food SUCKED.>.< Icky, icky.

We went on Astro Blaster! Mother kicked all our arses. XD I was in...fourth place? >>; Chyeah. I sucked. But it was fun. XD

We went on Space Mountain and took Matthew with us. He liked it. X3 Indiana Jones was cool, too. >>;

Back to the Roger Rabbit thing: Almost had a heart attack. Thought I lost my camera. Scary. @.@ And, when my parents let my brother and sister play in some Tarzan jungle thingy, we couldn't find them. Dorks got out the wrong way and went back to where the stroller was.@.@ Chyeah. Freaked us out.>.<

Lots of randomness and such. :3

Got home at around nine. Even though we had planned on getting home at eight. There was a parade that kind of blocked the way out of the park. Well, more like ebil tourists.-.- Who think they own the fucking park.>.< So, my family and I ended up doing the same things they did to us.>> << Along with us saying, "Like, ohmygawd.">>;;; Yeah, we all had too much soda. XD And we were very annoyed. >>;

Anyways. School was dull. Missed alot, though. >< Ah well. I'll find a way to make everything up.>>;

Oh! I got the papers and such for the trip to Italy and Greece. X3 Just need my parents to sign and stuff. >>; Make it official. xD

Well. Learning HTML in computers.-.- Fun. So, I'm off. Ciao. <3

783133  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-04-24
Written: (5224 days ago)

So, like yeah. My home computer is being, like, such a drag. Like, ohmygawd. Stupid ghetto thing, needs to like, DIE. *giggles*

...This is what not eating does to you. o.o I ate a bit yesterday, but I felt sick and couldn't eat anymore. Parents made me eat more, though...seeing as I hadn't eaten all day yesterday. >>; Too sick and bitchy. >:3

Argh. Another guy claims that they "like" me. I dunno. I don't want to think about him too much. Or teenage relationships, either. If I do, I'll just end up tricking myself that I do like them, and after a while, I'll end up realizing that I don't really like them. In that way. >.< I believe that's what happened with whatshisface. Damn teenage years. I hate you. D:

*boogies!* My parents gave me their 95% yes on me going to Italy and Greece next year! ^^ The other 5% being that something could happen which will prevent me from going. But! I'll try not to think so much about it.

...You know which band I hate know? Green Day. Gahhh. They're getting on my nerves. >< I'm all 80's right now. And powerpop, new wave, pop punk. Fuck yeah. Anything that you can dance too! X3

Uh, yeah. May not be on tomorrow. Disneyland, bitches. Hopefully I can manage to buy a few things. Not for me, though. Just for Shelby, Stacy, and Tyler. And if I have enough money, for Jeanette and Diane, too. <3 Oh, and Chris and Bird. XD ...As you can tell, I won't have enough money.-.- *sighs*

Dan is ignoring me. XD Ah, goes to show how much men tend to be dogs. :3 I'm starring at girls alot. As of late. Shmexy. >>; But! Moving on. XD

Well, I'm off. Don't want to be on. That, and I have classwork to do. Ugh, stressed. Have lots and lots of work to do for school. >< Ah well. Adios.

Love you, Shelby!
My hawt wife. :3
*molests*>>;
Hee. Non-lesbian porn. XD


782263  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-04-23
Written: (5225 days ago)

Long Way To Happy by P!NK



One night to you
Lasted six weeks for me
Just a bitter little pill now
Just to try to go to sleep
No more waking up to innocence
Say hello to hesitance
To everyone I meet
Thanks to you years ago
I guess I'll never know
What love means to me but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone
Cause it's gonna be a long long way to happy

Left my childhood behind
In a roll away bed
Everything was so damn simple
Now I'm losing my head
Trying to cover up the damage
And pad out all the bruises
Do you know I had it
So it didn't hurt to lose it
Didn't hurt to lose it
No but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
781533  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-04-21
Written: (5227 days ago)

*smiles brightly*I got to come home early!
You wanna know whyyyy? *giggles*
I got really sick during second block. :3
Started trembling and sweating while I felt as if my blood had ran cold, had awful cramps that made me wanna cry...
And when lunch started, I went with Stacy to get something to eat, and by then, my vision got blurry and my knees were shaking and I felt faint. Also felt like I was going to throw up.
So, afterwards, I called my dad to pick me up.
Which he did.
So, now I'm here...

781048  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-04-21
Written: (5228 days ago)

Dan is with someone!
Should be happy for him, I guess...
But god, I wanna stop falling for people.
Fuck you all and good bye. <3

781043  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-04-20
Written: (5228 days ago)

I feel like cutting again.
Eh, stupid temptation.
Stupid emoness. *stabs it* oo;
Having more thoughts of suicide.
And now I feel like crying.
And I was having such a good day, too. XD

780921  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-04-20
Written: (5228 days ago)

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down!

*giggles*Eh, hyper. Listening to 80's music. Hell yeah, it's gangsta. X3

Some of them want to use you, some of them want to be used by you. Some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused.

Nummeh. Kinky. XD

Not much homework for me today! :3 Stacy helped me with my Spanish homework during third, so now all I have to do is my history homework. And reading. But I can do that. Though, sadly, we have an essay to work on tomorrow for third. ><

Love shack, baby!



That song makes me giggle. X3

I did good on my introduction paragraph for resurrection as a theme. :3 I'm sho happy!

Oh, lots of projects for English to work on though. Fudge.

And...I'm making a wishlist. XD

Stephy's Wishlist.
*Shelby.
*Dan.
*More music for my MP3 player.
*More manga.
*Different colored eyeliner and nail polish.
*Stuffed animals.
*Anime DVD's
*Trip to Italy.
*Money.
*Clothes.
*A cat.
*A job.
*Less stress.


Yeah. >>; I'm odd. Well, off to finish my work for fourth period. Ciao!
780271  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-04-19
Written: (5229 days ago)
779817  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-04-19
Written: (5230 days ago)

Who's the girl behind the mask of "happiness"? <3



Why!
It's Stephanie.
She's the girl behind the mask.
Oh, what a pathetic girl. <3



Baby, at least I don't need love...


Steph, is a fucking idiot. Here's a song fit for her. </3



Simple Together by Alanis Morissette.



You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And i can't stop bumping into things
I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But i was sadly mistaken
You've been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment i met you
With you i knew god's face was handsome
With you i suffered an expansion
This loss is numbing me
It pierces my chest
And i can't stop dropping everything
I thought we'd be sexy together
Thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
But i was sadly mistaken
If i had a bill for all the philosophies i shared
If i had a penny for all the possibilities i presented
If i had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe
I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
Thought we'd be adventurous togheter
But i was sadly mistaken
Thought we'd be exploring together
Thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
Thought we'd be on fire together
But i was sadly mistaken
779789  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-04-18
Written: (5230 days ago)
Next in thread: 780042

I think I'm in love...

With 80's music! :D


Feeling utterly exhausted right now.
Chyeah. Blood loss and not getting enough sleep probably does that to people.
Stupid Emo Steph. -.-
Oh, one more thing...
I'm getting glasses! :3
I look even more ugly with them. XD
Ah well...
Now I'm off to ignore the pain in my left arm and right leg due to my stupidity last night...
And try to get music into my mp3 player.
Ciao.
 The logged in version 

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