[lacklustre]'s diary

1170451  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2017-09-02
Written: (1717 days ago)

You're finally free, and clear from the tyrant.

Yet, in this passage of time, I seek to be with you.

Sadly, the world will fight me and push me to destroy.

1170326  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2017-04-15
Written: (1856 days ago)

No matter how much I help and provide support, I am refuted.
nevermind when I require the same, a gentle reprieve and reassuring embrace would suffice.
Instead my suffering if not understood, or felt, instead it is in languishing in hell.
My heart is rended and bleeding. I sought peace and love and instead I've been granted the unceasing despair.
I did not choose the means of my upbringing nor have I fully escaped it.
I would have like to have confided in you the truth and in turn I'd the same for you.
However full my heart is, I am a fool, for loving someone who sticks by an ingrate and a user of people.

1170309  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2017-03-30
Written: (1872 days ago)

My thoughts of you, still hit me so deeply.
I wonder why you keep me around, since you act as though I do not matter.
Actions worked in your favor, this blood of mine and sacrifice of time.
I've built an empire for you and it would appear that you do not care.
The other that claims credit for my efforts, is not the one deserving.
I crave, your touch, the delicate nature of consideration and embrace at the end of the day.
Ground down and ran through, I come back to you, the quality of the return still as it is but ever diminishing.
Do you know, you're why I exist?
It's true, but would it matter when you only care about you,
won't you understand that without me, your life would be mired in difficulty?
I wish you would.
I know you could.
I see that which remains unsaid.
The silent plots, and actions beyond, still understood.
My heart aches for your most gentle acknowledgement.
The bravery I've demonstrated and yet you don't seem to guess at the risk.
Love can be eternal. But resources dwindle and life can wither.
So mind the seed planted, nurture it, and it will pay back in dividends.
Please oh please, don't let me drown.
Pull me forth, lift me up and patch my wounds.
I would stand by you forever, that much a guarantee. Just for it to be you and me. Anything else a travesty.

1170005  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-09-10
Written: (2073 days ago)

To me, you appear as lovely as the coming storm
To me, your smile is the swelling of the sea
To me, your warmth is a hug like the suns
To me, you're like the flower and I am like the bee
To me, you're the world bathed in light
To me, your words a song of peace and hope
To me, you are my everything.

The morning moments and the celebration of the day.
The sweeping of the light across your eyes.
A beginning of time and the end of darkness.

How sweet it would be, if only it were you and me.
How wonderful a thought, the matter of us.

1169963  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2016-08-12
Written: (2103 days ago)

Have I not a right to be angry?
Have I not a right to be loved?
Either you see what it is I've done and am still doing for you and either A. you're completely naive and oblivious or B. you see what I do and don't care because I am just something to be used and thrown away.

1169954  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-08-06
Written: (2108 days ago)

My enemy is the control that people exert over those that think they want to be used, that the promise is greater than the actuality. But remember, you can never subjugate a liberator. An end will be met and you will stay where you are, far far away. So keep your darkness in the dark and do not spread it here.

1169950  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2016-08-03
Written: (2111 days ago)

I am expendable.

1169949  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2016-08-03
Written: (2111 days ago)

I do not enjoy being distanced and phased out. I do not enjoy having my validity lessened, I do not enjoy watching those I love being manipulated and turn against me. I do not enjoy being treated as a leper.

For each action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

1169936  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-07-23
Written: (2123 days ago)

I guess my super power is expendability and the unpleasantness that comes with being unimportant.

1169935  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-07-23
Written: (2123 days ago)

I am perhaps the biggest goddamn idiot on the face of the planet. How did I not see that I was just a resource to be used? I mean the writing was on the wall and the devil is in the details.

1169798  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2016-03-12
Written: (2255 days ago)

Well looks to me, that perhaps I've been excised.

Treated like a cancer.

If only people could see what I see.

If they felt what I feel.

Then maybe there might be hope for humanity.

1169752  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2016-01-03
Written: (2324 days ago)

I wish I could sleep.

1169443  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2015-07-13
Written: (2499 days ago)

I've come so far, and all I wish to be is there, right beside you.
At your tender mercy, if ever you act upon whims, it would be over.

1169093  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2015-02-19
Written: (2642 days ago)

Oh I forgot my place, thanks for letting me know your opinion. I will not follow it, especially if it lessens my worth or the worth of others. Equality even at an inconvenience!

1168785  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2014-12-21
Written: (2702 days ago)

Happy level up day people. Ya'll know who you are.

1168717  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2014-12-13
Written: (2710 days ago)

Today, yesterday; it has been one long continuous day. I need to settle myself down. Anxiety is a bucking bronco that just needs to be shot. I hate anxiety.

1168217  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2014-11-01
Written: (2752 days ago)
1168195  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2014-10-30
Written: (2754 days ago)

Restless, my heart yearns for things far off.

 The logged in version 

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