[Dezmond]'s diary

1116278  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-05-13
Written: (3788 days ago)

Stolen from...[kay-chan]'s diary. She always has the most hilarious shit xD

Darwin awards!

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring those among us hopefully least likely to pass on any genes.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer.... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

1085202  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-07-02
Written: (4102 days ago)

1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most.
2. Make them answer the following questions.
3. Then tag three people.
4. Feel free to go ahead and add some questions yourself


Hello everyone. I have a few questions to ask all of you.
Aedin: Fine, just hurry up.
Markus: What the hell do you want? I'm busy!
Hayden: Questions? About what..?
Kim:...fuck off.

How old are you?
Aedin: Uhh..sixteen.
Markus: What the fuck does that matter for? I'm 26.
Hayden: Twenty...are you done yet?
Kim: Seriously...fuck off.

What do you like to eat?
Aedin: Anything really...as long as it's away from Taurean...*shivers* He's a bloody monster with his food.
Markus: Why the hell are you asking so many questions? I like italian.
Hayden: Fruit...strawberries are my favorite.
Kim: Do you not get the fucking hint? *glares*

Do you have any interesting traits?
Aedin: I'm blind, and I can see into the future.
Markus: I can drop your ass like a fly if you don't stop asking fucking questions!
Hayden: *spreads wings* Any thing else?
Kim: I'm a fucking whore, now fuck off! Ass hole...
Are you a virgin?
Aedin: *laughs* with Taurean, you're kidding right?
Markus: Haven't been for years...
Hayden: Until recently i was.
Kim: You're fucking kidding me, right? Do you listen to a fucking thing I say?

Who's your mate/spouse?
Aedin: Uhh...Taurean, are you daft?
Markus: Uhh...next question!
Hayden: Nando...but he's infatuated with a demon currently.
Kim: Thats it...*dives after announcer*

Have you killed anyone?
Aedin: Every day...
Markus: I'm a police officer, so yes *sighs*
Hayden: I got my current title by offing the last king.
Kim: Not yet *bashes announcers head against the floor*

Do you hate anyone?
Aedin: Err...I don't necisarrily hate anyone...just I don't like anyone either..accept for Taurean.
Markus: Romeo...
Hayden: Lawrence
Kim: You you fucking bastard!

Have any secrets?
Aedin: Quite a few...
Markus: I cheated on my boyfriend...with a fucking criminal in my custody. I was drunk, sue me! Fucking bastard...
Hayden: When I first met Nando...I was sent to kill him...not just take him hostage...
Kim:I'm a god damn whore!

Do you love anyone?
Aedin: Why do you keep asking stupid questions? Taurean.
Markus: Janyck...
Hayden: *sighs* Nando...unfortunately.
Kim: Fucking bastard! *dives after announcer again*

What do you do to relax?
Aedin: Take walks down the street...alone.
Markus: Take a long bath...oh it's so calming...wait! Why the hell are you still asking questions?
Hayden: Go swimming...nothing better in the world to a water sprite.
Kim: Have a good lay *Sitting ontop of bloody speaker*

What would you consider to be fun?
Aedin: Just bing able to relax with Taurean, without him being covered in blood...
Markus: Eh, I like to have a few drinks every now and then...
Hayden: Swimming.
Kim: Strangling you *Kicks in the face*

If you had to pick one thing, without the ties of your prior engagements, what would be your desired career and why?
Aedin: I don't know...never thought about it.
Markus: I love my job...so probably what I do now. Or maybe I could have stayed in the military...
Hayden: I wouldn't have a job, I'd just roam the countryside freely...
Kim: Stop asking meaningless questions *kicks in the face again*


[Vou],[Blood Sucking Beauty],[Alexi Ice],[XxTsomexX]

994929  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-11-26
Written: (4686 days ago)
Next in thread: 1001254, 1001255

I would never do this to my girl...

i'm sorry if i'm not pretty enough to be "your bitch"

i'm sorry that i don't want to have sex every minute of the day.

i'm sorry that i'm not a playboy bunny so i can act like a porn star for you.

i'm sorry if i don't have a dream body that turns you on.

i'm sorry if i won't drop down to my knees to get you to like me.

i'm sorry if my hair isn't long enough.

i'm sorry if i'm not the "hottest" bitch you've ever seen.

i'm sorry if loving you isn't enough.

i'm sorry if being your friend through thick and thin makes no difference.

i'm sorry that i try my best to get you to like me, but then get hurt.

but most of all; i'm sorry that most guys can't accept a girl for who they really are.

and i'm sorry that most guys will read this and post it and may agree with it but after 5 minutes they forget about it and do the same thing all over again. GUYS! just think about it, about how you treat girls. You treat them like shit & all they want to do is be loved by you. think about it.

If you're a girl and you agree with this letter, repost as "I'm sorry. =["

If you're one of the few GUYS with enough balls to repost and you would never make your girl feel this way, repost as "I love you just the way you are.."

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