aahhhh yet again the person i like tells me about some other girl he likes.... why cant i ever be more than a friend or just someone to have a meaningless night with? Why cant i have someone who makes me feel special for once that doesnt back fire... A guy who will actually be able to stand to look me in the face.
i love it wen its your birthaday.. if nothing else you get to skank frree drinks and tobacco off people .. which is why this diary entry makes no sense. because now i have a celebratory strongfbow first legal drink glass!!
might be leaving you all
Looks like im being kicked out of my house, mainly because i have a manically depressed step dad and a mum whos forgotten that im her eldest daughter, so guess ill be moving into a council house, so i wont have interent access........ well we will see ive got a month aparently to change my ways... but what am i doing wrong.
I must be a really bad person to deserve this kind of luck. Just wish i knew what i was doing wrong so i could change it.
i realised in still in love with someone i will never have again, infact don't want to have again. But just sitting and thinking in tears after things at home have fallen to pieces (again) just sitting and thinking how much i wanted someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me its ok.. and his image came into my head.... thats why nothing has worked since then (plus theyre all arseholes the lot of them0 but im still in love...... and you know what i hate to sound cliched but love hurts when they dont love you back.
don't believe your a believer of anything, untill your faith is tested.
i for one do not rely on self sacrifice to guide my life.
celibacy thats what i say.... screw em all... (but not literally thats the point)
wont be needing all those nice pants i bought in new york.
its official i can't have fun. something always spoils it. new york is such a fantastrivc place and yet a series of events preety much reuined it for me.... the tethciness the stupid mind games.... it fucking sucks... aqnd whats more i get home after serious jetlag to not be able to get any sleep because my step dads playing his fucking bagpipes... and has a go at me for wanting to go to sleep and not do my jobs... for fuck sake!! hes now had a go at me and made me cry again.... im not allowed on the internet for more than half an hour.. so i wont be on much... its his idea of trying to get more family tim... ill just be up in my room more i fucking hate him.... he then thretened to kick me out again when i told him that fact... he then went upstairs and tried t pack my suitcase.... i dont want to be here anymore i dont want to be anywhere... i dont undersatand what am i doing wrong? If its not guys fucking me around making me feel like a whore its my stepdad threatning to throw me out onto the stret... or my friends getting tetchy wen all of this makes me unhappy... well i dont have the energy to keep a smile on my face anymore.....
Life at the moment has no redeeming feature.