[deja vu, mi amor]'s diary

534054  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-03-28
Written: (5484 days ago)

“Go down in flames, hold it all inside, perish, just let it hide.
Kill yourself internally, do what ever it takes, just don’t let it die.”

485885  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-02-02
Written: (5538 days ago)

 There normally is this long boring in-depth description of me. much too complicated so for a little while I’m changing it to something short and simple.  

I’m female. I wont tell you my age. you can make a guess from my pictures.

I’m kind of shy until i get to know people, so I don’t have a whole lot to talk about at first. but still, I’m friendly. i like talking to most people as long as they aren't cussing me out for what i believe in or just being mean in general.

I listen to a little bit of most music. Mainly rap, hip hop, R&B and rock. I have a kind of obsession about piercings.

The main things I’m against are racism and sexism. I’m also for gay rights and gay marriage.

Talk to me if you wish. I love talking to new people. I’ll be nice as long as you are.

There is so much more about me, but I won’t bore you anymore. Please ask me if you want to know anything more.

484248  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-01-31
Written: (5540 days ago)


If you notice, on this entire page, it says nothing about my age. This is because some people seem to judge (unfairly and wrongly) other people because of their age. I dont want people to make any assumptions based on my age. But if you really want to know my age, you can ask me nad i wil probably tell you, or you could just make an educated guess, based on my picture.

      Physical Appearance        
im short, only 5'2. most things you can see from my pics. i also have an interresting scar right in the middle of my forehead, its shaped like a cresent moon....my favorite scar.



  i dont (meaning cant) draw so you want see any drawings up, but i do write poetry so maybe i'll put that up. when i do i would apperciate some constructive criticism, but please dont be mean.

i like to write about alot of diffrent things. yes, alot of my poems are sad, but that does not mean i am just another depressed, suicidal person, im not. i write about things i have once went through, things other people have gone through, things i am feeling at the time or just things write out of my imagination. so dont assume that because i write sad poetry, im sad.

          MY DISLIKES
   i have a great dislike of racist and prejudice people. i believe all people are equal no matter what their skin color, sexual or racial preference , religion or beliefs are. i believe that all people have the potential to be equal, but if they are a racist or something of that nature, they loose their right to be considered as equal. 
i hope that makes sense.

this is to all the people who want to criticize me for listening to rap music or to Good Charlotte, i will listen to whatever type of music i like. i dont care if you dont like it, you dont have to listen to it. i am a hard core rap fan. i dont want to hear what you have to say about my music. so please, keep your opinions to yourself
i will disuss almost anything with close to anyone as long as they are willing to hear my thoughts too. i dont want to talk with someone who can only cuss, yell and scream at me. i like to have actual conversations, two-sided talks.
  this is a list of petty things that really get on my nerves:
* long question lists (i refuse read them)
*people who cannot say two words with out cussing.
*people who fake depression
*pople whos whole house is made up of long lists (yes, like this list)
*know it alls
* guys who think they should rule over women (stuid ******s)
*racists (as said before)
* people who write in toggle case
*and many more but since i have said that i dont like long lists i will now stop.


           MY LIKES

  i like people who are unique and are never afraid to be themselves. i cant stand people who pretend to be something they are not just so they will fit in or be popular. anyone can act like they are someone there not but they are worse than just liars because they are deceiving even themselves.
i like piercings, its not so much about liking pain or the results of the piercing but the seconds befor the needle goes through your skin and knowing what it feels like when it will go through. some people say piercing are just another form of self-mutilation, i dont agree, but i can see where they are coming from. why cause your self more pain? i dont know.

im an animal lover. all animals. i cant stand animal abusers, they are just mindless cowards who take plesure out of hurting a living thing that can not defend its self. it is evil to abuse helpless cretures. its stupid and not something that should be taken lightly or over-looked, as it mostly is.

i also like biting. being bitten, biting people. no im not a vampire. i cant stand blood. i just like light biting. weird, i know.


        OTHER INFO

  i have a bad temper when provoked. i most of the time know when to shut my mouth but are just to stupid to shut up for my own good. i speak my mind all of the time and thats not always a good thing. im a strong believer that no one has to agree with my opions but everyone is most likely going to hear them. unless they make it a point to tell me that they dont want to hear what i have to say....if thats the case i will respect people enough to keep my words to myself.
i hope that i am a very open-minded person....i try to be.

im a really shy person around people i dont know well. i barely talk. its not because i dont want to. or because im not friendly. its more like i dont know what to say. i freez up when im face to face with people i dont know. around my close friends i talk all the time. but if i dont know you well and i dont talk much, im not trying to be rude, and its not that i dont want to talk to you. chances are i'd love to get to know you. so please, dont be offened if i dont have alot to say at first. keep talking to me. ill say more.



  i will respond to everyone, anyone is welcome to message me for any reason. most people think i am an easy person to talk to. so feel free to message me. 
  i dont mind messages like hey or hi, i really dont, but m not good at keeping up conversations. so if you want to talk to me thats great, i would love to talk to you. but help me out a little bit, give me something to talk about. like... do you agree or disagree with anything i have to say? then tell me abut it. just send me a message. i mean if you want to talk to me, theres a reason why, right? then tell me about it.    
  these are the only "rules" for messaging me:
    i do not want anyone to message me with chain letters or about how big my boobs are, they are very annoying, rude and pointless! if you do, i wil respond but it wont be very nice.
   please sign my guest book!! just say something short and simple, just a "hi" will do, or if you like anything you saw here, say so. so please sign my guestbook,

NOTE: if i visit your house alot, i am not a stalker! i visit dome many people's houses that i forget the names.


457785  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-12-28
Written: (5574 days ago)

She cried a tear last night
Not from fear, not from fright
As her soul grew dim, her eyes grew bright
A memory flicker to her mind, a wrongly forgotten sight

A truthful scream held away,
Hidden beneath what she could say
Fought back for a price she couldn’t pay

455180  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-12-25
Written: (5577 days ago)


442866  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-12-13
Written: (5589 days ago)

A tear and a scream is all she remembered
It was what she had always feared
The pain she caught, burnt and seared
And one last time, into those cold eyes, she peered

The pain wasn’t what broke her down
It was that she knew she couldn’t stay around
That voice was a defying sound
She couldn’t bare the truth she’d found

428505  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-11-29
Written: (5603 days ago)

A Heartless Past

One single tear for the lost
A silenced cry for the lonely
A drop of poisoned blood for the broken
And crimson stitches for the hearts that shattered

Cry for the ones you’ve lost
Give a silent scream for the one you left alone
Bleed a little for the way you broke them down
Stitch up that heart that you unmercifully broke

Weep while you say someday you’ll be back
Feed them another lie, say your only gone for a little while
You can always say the blood for the broken wasn’t real
And that the stitches and broken hearts were never you fault

Don’t remind yourself of your forgotten past
Stash away a picture of that one you never came back to
Wash the blood away, and pretend time heals what’s broken
Watch as they pull out the stitches, and their heart slowly dies

On the day the blame will fall on your death.

Crying to the Sky

A single look at the sky
Can make a lonely person cry
and tell a story of a forgotten “why”
It can make your last wish to die

A wish on a star
Can make you admire from afar
And realize how truly blessed you are
Or wish that death wasn’t so very far

A walk in the rain
Can make the insane suddenly sane
Can give or take away the pain
Even make suicide seem tame

426825  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-11-27
Written: (5605 days ago)
Next in thread: 426829

Time and Time Again

With time I start to wonder
And I know he’s started to ponder
The feelings are no longer growing fonder

I’ve asked all the right questions
But I took all the wrong suggestions
We are the forgotten ones

The last bits of love have died
We may leave, still with pride
Because no one knows, how we once cried

We will, of course, miss the past
Our memories cannot fade fast
But in the end, we will move on at last

425726  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-11-26
Written: (5606 days ago)

I’ve been thinking quit a lot
My mind keeps turning back to
Those few words that haunt me nightly
Those days we once lived together

I have begged for the past
So many times, I’ve lost track of reality
My spirit still lives there
All my time spent remembering

I know you have seen the tears
But you refuse to believe
Just as I once did
I took my time, but I came to my senses

I’m almost ready to give up, to let go
Time is only hurting us more
I know you playing pretend with yourself
Maybe you think its best to lie

One thing will always be true
When all else has left
Those memories will still hold
One first true love

I know the pain I’m feeling will become worse
But waiting is slowly tearing us apart
We talk out of obligation, nothing more
We say those hollow words, that once held so much meaning

So this is how it will end
I should have known, but its much too late
Love put us together, time tore us apart
Now we’ve loved, now we’ve lived

And now its time to leave
Just move on and hide the pain
Its too late to try and change
It started by luck and will end with fate

416885  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-11-18
Written: (5614 days ago)

have you ever wondered
why my smile is always
lined with tears?

have you ever thought
about the pain that tears me down
and crushes my heart?

have you ever sensed that
every night i soke my pillow
with the tears of that day?

have you ever cared that
im holding our pain together
for your sake?

411416  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-11-13
Written: (5619 days ago)

This page will be for pictures of me and my friends and maybe some pets.

pictures of me, they were taken with my crappy computer cam. bad quality.

<*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1099850001.jpg> <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1098537821.jpg>

<*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1099073226.jpg>  <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100136156.jpg>

 <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100158300.jpg> <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100158219.jpg>

<*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100140108.jpg>  <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100140950.jpg>

<*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100192571.jpg> <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100192715.jpg>

<*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100193026.jpg>  <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100193615.jpg>

<*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100195848.jpg> <*img:http://elftown.lysator.liu.se/img/photo/49532_1100201038.jpg>


401884  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-11-04
Written: (5628 days ago)
Next in thread: 401951

hello all you people. i need some help. i need you (if you havent aleady) to vote for me for sexiest elftown female all you have to is send a message to [Nevermore.] saying that you want me to win for sexiest elftown female.

401157  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-11-04
Written: (5628 days ago)

refused to cry another night away
she couldnt begin to find the right words to say
that she didnt think she could make it through another worthless day
and didn think there would ever be another way

if only she could find the thoughts of her long nights
maybe she could demand a few rights
as she closed her eyes, she promised, there wouldnt be another fight
he had taken away the only thing he had gave her, light

se faught back fresh tears as she dremt up new memories of him
as the dream faded, her hope grew dim
she new the future would be grim
she held a spark of hope, on a fearful whim

399388  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-11-02
Written: (5630 days ago)

im tired of cryng for you. im beginning to think that its just not worth the fight. ive had to fight for every thing ive ever had, why should i have to fight for you too? its not fair. i cry myself to sleep every night. im tired of crying. i dont think i can do thin much longer. i really dont.

396109  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-10-31
Written: (5633 days ago)

if i told you..
i cried a million tears for you
i might die without you
your making me feel the pain you promised you wouldnt
my heart is breaking right before your eyes

if i asked you...
why are you leting me cry?
do you even care if i die?
why are you breaking all those promises?
you said youd never break my hear, why did you lie?

395356  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-10-30
Written: (5633 days ago)

hey people please vote for me for sexiest elftown female sexiest elftown female thanks!! ill love you forever if you do...lol
thanks again!!

394297  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-10-28
Written: (5635 days ago)

another day spent stareing at these walls
another night, a couple more falls

takeing my time, to try and find
a way to see, a saner mind

crying for the pain i once felt
for the heart that was once held

desprate cold and lonesome
just trying to wait, morning will come

one more night, one thousand more tear drops
blind to the world, numb to dreams and hopes

falling hard, sliping fast
watching silently as my life dies in the past

another breath, another scream
one more nightmare, one more broken dream

calling my last cries
seeing the finnal lies

not one more day, not one more night
not another word to say, not another battel to fight

392057  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2004-10-26
Written: (5637 days ago)

Thursday, October 27, 2050

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