[~noctis lingua~]'s diary

901846  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-01-23
Written: (5107 days ago)

I'm writing another entry, I guess. I don't usually have anything to say. But I suppose what I want to say is that if I have offended anyone on here (inadvertantly I mean, because I've offended people on purpose before), then I apologize. I am disgusted with myself right now and I feel like I have already offended someone I have just met. I want to send him a message to tell him I am sorry for acting the way I have already, but it will only make me seem more obsessed and I don't want that. I won't mention names. I hardly expect him to read this because he is not on my friend list and I doubt if he actually takes any interest in me. Honestly, I feel like I have deceived myself and I think I have tried so hard not to sound like a mindless fangirl, I have made a complete loop and damned myself to such a fate. Damned myself? That was a bit harsh, I suppose. I am not yet damned. Do I wish that I was? In a way, yes...

Do I believe whole-heartedly that the person I spoke of only a moment ago is who he says he is? Yes. Of course, the only reason I have to doubt it is my own cynicism. I want forgiveness for my impertinence and my hasty babble and random conversation. I wish I could take back some of the things I have typed because I feel emabarrassed about them. But I can't take them back and I have to live with that embarrassment now. I won't let it ruin me. All I can do is hope that I may earn forgiveness from someone who, in my opinion, has right to judge me. He knows very much, in all his years, and I know so very little.

I wish I could stop myself before I get onto these stupid, selfish, starstruck babbles. But then again, I could always erase everything on this form and it would never reach the net. But I suppose that I cannot stop myself from being who I am: an uninteresting, sometimes rude, slightly obsessive 15-year-old girl. I cannot deny that I am such.

I almost find myself wishing that he won't read this because I feel like a stalker. My sophistication, or what little I may have had, has more or less disappeared with a fascination for someone that I am talking to on an internet community. This is disgusting. I think I want to throw up. I'm choking on my obsessiveness. I am utterly hopeless.

If I died, I know people around me would care. But do I even feel for myself? Cold detachment from my own skin...

901785  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-01-22
Written: (5107 days ago)

Hmmm...I don't write in here often, do I? I'm wondering where all my inspiration is going at the moment. I can't write anything worth writing. Trust me, when you write poems randomly in free verse when they come to you, it's hard to write a good poem. Rhyme and meter is even harder. I suppose that means it's a good thing I don't give a damn about rhyme? Meter still concerns me. Listen to me, ranting about poetry terms as if they were my best friend's mental disorders or something. Ah, that brings me to another concern of mine. Where did my humor go? Why isn't anything making me laugh? Why can't I make anyone else laugh? The last time I made anyone laugh was last Friday when about 4 of my friends were over. I was sitting here, at my computer, and I was googling something, I think. Oh yes, it was images from Interview with the Vampire. I was already flustered because of the use of Antonio Banderas for the role of Armand. And then, my friend Josh, who was standing behind me, purposefully mispronounced the name Lestat. This already gets on my nerves when they say it wrong in the movie 'Queen of the Damned', but this was the most horrible, blatant slaughter of the name I have ever heard. But I made my friends laugh because I scared Josh. I turned around faster than I thought I had the reflexes to do and gave him what he called the 'death glare from hell'. He backed up so fast he knocked over one of the dining room chairs and cowered for a few seconds. I never knew I had the power to scare people so badly. Actually, it felt good. I don't scare people often...

720924  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-12-24
Written: (5502 days ago)

Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to write a diary entry. Christmas vacation started Thursday and right now I have no clue where my parents are. Seriously. They aren't here and I'm not going to go downstairs to see if Mom's car is gone. I'm assuming it is because both of Dad's vehicles are still here. They'll come back eventually, I guess. I was thinking about laying down on the couch so I think I might...

Thursday night I spent the night at my girlfriend's house. Her cats were trying to eat a mouse that was in the house so we caught it in a Suncoast bag and put it in a Rubbermaid container. It's just the cutest thing. It's still kind of a baby so it's rather small and he's so cute because he'll let you pet him and he won't bite you. We named him Tuffy. That was the original name of the littler mouse on Tom & Jerry. You know, the one that follows Jerry around? I think he's grey. Yeah that's it.

I think I'll write again after Christmas. I want to write about what I got for Christmas and what I liked best...

631840  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-25
Written: (5654 days ago)

Wow. I guess it's been a really long time since I last wrote anything here. Well, since I've been away from here, I have become a deviant on deviantART and I have come to the conclusion that my friends know me too well. Instead of 1 e-mail address, I now have 3, and I have an unhealthy obsession with the Shichinintai of Inuyasha. Though for the people that don't do their research before-hand, that would be the name of the Band of Seven in Japanese. My obsession mostly centers around Jakotsu and Bankotsu because Bankotsu is so incredibly kawaii ^-^ and Jakotsu just kicks ass. Anyway, next weekend, my mom is being so kind as to take me and 2 of my friends all the way out to Council Bluffs and Omaha to go to the malls! I say 'malls' instead of mall because we have to go to 2 for what we require. We absolutely must go to Hot Topic so that means we are going to the Mall of the Bluffs. But we must also go to Suncoast because we all neeeeed anime and manga. So this means we have to go to the Crossroads mall in Omaha. Mom is going to have hell. But the bright side for her is that she's going to call one of her friends and they're going to hang out so we all get to ditch each other ^-^.

Also, if anyone is interested, check out my deviantART gallery and tell me what you think. I'm AngstyChibiHiei so to get straight to my page type in http://angstychibihiei.deviantart.com and that should be easier ^-^. Ja ne!

382987  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-10-17
Written: (5934 days ago)

I am very bored today. I woke up at 11 and I want someone to talk to. Anybody! Talk to me please! Bye....

348593  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-09-11
Written: (5971 days ago)

Once again, I'm really bored. But this time, I want people to messege me and tell me what they think of this depressing poetic paragraph:

A single raven feather in her lily-white fingers as she looks on into the dark. The innocence gone from her dark black eyes and she weaves thoughts of sadness and madness into her memories. She loves no more, her heart a tangled sticky web. Streams of tears roll down her face as she looks into the abyss of her sadness.

Just messege me and tell me what you think of it. I have more if you would like me to post them. Bye bye! ^.^

348586  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-09-11
Written: (5971 days ago)

I know I already wrote something for today but I'n really bored. If there is anybody out there that is an Inuyasha fan or even watches anime, please send me a messege! I don't care how randome you people are, I just want to talk to someone really...

348581  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-09-11
Written: (5971 days ago)

Ummm...I have a message from Chris, my online boyfriend: Today is the anniversary of September 11 and the attacks on the twin towers. Please show your appriciation for the men and women who died to save those who lived after the crash. Show your appriciation by placing a heart in front of your msn name (if you have msn) on this day. Arigato! ^.^

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