i am in the best mood! all week ive been hanging out with casey, chad and steve doing random things, and weve had way 2 much fun. like yesturday we went swimming in the vermillion river, or last week when we got lost in starved rock and jumped in devils bathtub almost fully clothed (i seem to never remember a swimsuit on these outings). my grandpas surgery went over great, and hes doin fine. my lovely ex still cant get over the fact that i dont give a flying fuck about him, and it makes me giggle. its really sad and pathetic that he cant get over the fact that hes a loser who will be stuck in ottawa the rest of his life working at walmart, while i have colleges that wont leave me alone because of my act score. ive had more fun this summer than i did in the past 3 years. i guess im purging myself of the negative people in my life so im happier. im very proud of adam, hes finally hooked up with that girl of his. well ive gotta go hang out with casey shera and amanda before casey has to spend a bit saying goodbye to mike. i hate goodbyes.
oh wow, let me try to document this. last night i went to this party. it was totally not my group of ppl, but i brought potus and casey with me, and met up with michelle and eric there. well i had a couple beers and a couple cigarettes, and i was feeling pretty good, and got to chatting with people. then eric remeinded me that he owed me a few hits, so we busted out someones pipe upstairs and got to tokin. by that time potus and casey were really feeling out of place cus they dont drink or do drugs, so they left. then kay and chris showed up with 2 six packs of bacardi, so i started drinkin those. well, i hadnt drank that hard and fast in a while, so 4 bacardis, 6 cigs, and another bowl later, i was totally gone. i can only remeber bits, but apparently im a huge flirt when drunk. this guy eli took me upstairs, where i finally decided the world had done enough spinning and puked. erik, michelle, and jimi were kind enough to drag my ass to jimis sisters empty house, where i spent my night with my head over the toilet and sharing it with michelle, then promptly crashing on the couch. miraculously, when i woke up i had no puke on me and my headache was easily subdude with a few tylonal and midol. so, just so i have it in writing, i want to thank jimi for being nice to me even though we havent talked in forever, thank chris for holding my hair, patting my back, and saying sweet things to me while i was puking my guts out, thank potus for trying to come with me, thank michelle for not puking on me, thank casey for taking my car away from me, and thank erik for not letting me make a complete fool of myself. o, thanks to kay 2 for bringing yummy drinks, even though i will not be drinking again for awhile. i love all of you dearly.
well, im bored, so ive decided to clear up some popular rumors flying around about me
1.i can still count the number of people ive slept with with 1 hand. i know all of their first and last names, met their parents, and had known each for over a year before i did them.
2. no, im not a heroin addict. i dont know where ne1 would get that from, but ive heared it flying around. the worst thing ive ever done was exctasy at a party once, and i smoke pot occasionally, drink when i can, and smoke all the time.
3. i only cheated on matt once, and that was with a girl so its not like anyone else was shovin their dick up me. (btw, she was a much better lay than he ever was).
4. yes, im bi, deal with it
5. no, mobsters are not coming from joliet to kick his ass. i dont know where he got that idea, and michelle couldnt figure it out either from the message archive on here, but i was trying to warn him about something his girlfriend was gunna do. apparently she thought it over after i talked to her at pop concert practice and gave his sorry ass another chance. more power to her, if she thinks she can change him let her try.
6. i have no intentions of sabatoging his life in any way, and i dont know why people keep saying o shes gunna do something bad. does nobody get that i just want him out of my life? like, i was curious last night so i hit the unblock messages buttton on the view messages page, and i saw a bunch of messages from this orkan dude and matt. i didnt read them cus i dont care, but i wish people would stop trying to harass me, its annoying. save ur time and energy to do something productive, like actually pass a class.
7. stop harassing my friend tanya while ur at it. she blocked ur names 2, and im sure ur sending her the same messages, so stop wasting ur time. the poor girl has to live in wisconsin, the land of cheese for christ sake. shes got enough issues without having to deal with my shit 2.
just a general question, but why did matt and bryce fight pop concert night? i thought they were friends. i mean, i can understand why there were rumors flying around about matt wanting to beat the shit out of hooper, cus that was all me, but why bryce?hmmm, i dunno, but it was funny seeing matt acting like the ass that he is in front of everyone.
well, i have 2 go change the oil in my car. i will cya later everyone
wow, today i was scared out of my mind. u know that feeling when u know something bad is gunna happen? well i had that all day. well, tonight i went to the late show with caitlyn, and on the way there i almost rearended my best friend. so he pulls into this parking lot, gets out, and starts freaking out because his life is a mess. i told him to relax and come with us 2 the movie, but he was all like no, i just want to be alone, but call me when the movies over. so i called him when the movie was done and i had dropped off caitlyn, and he didnt pick up his phone. then i drove past his house cus it was right on my way home, and his car wasnt there. i flipped out. i thought hed drove off a cliff at starved rock or something. so i was driving all over town chain smoking cus i didnt want to go home a nervous wreak and debating whether or not to call his parents to see if theyd heared from him, and all of a sudden he calls me, and i told him to meet me in allen park. we sat down there smoking and talking for an hour about how we are the only true friends we have left, how one guy screwed up my life royally and keeps harassing me, how his family rejects him for who he is, how we both need to get laid, and how after next year everything is going to change for us. he has been my best friend since 3rd grade, and in a year we will be on completely different sides of the state. no more late night talks in the park, no more sunday night poker, no more lunches together, no more constant phone calls about hot guys weve seen around town (btw, i totally tlaked 2 these 2 hot guys who were fishing by my house today. omg, so gorgeous!). but ya, its just depressing.
ha ha ha. school is almost out, and last night was the last night id ever have to see matt for the rest of my life. tee hee, i was so happy i cried. i also find it funny that he almost got in a fight with his friend because i slept with him, even though he claims he doesnt care about me anymore. o well, i got to see him get kicked in the nuts, and he will forever live on in my memories as the pathetic asshole who wasted 3 years of my life.
on a lighter note, i spent all of tonight partying with my family and closest friends and drank my way to singing love songs to lukie walter. great night, great night. i also got to work with the o-so-hot andy, which made me o-so-happy. well, id best be getting to bed, i have 2 be at work at 8
o hell, cant say i didnt try. now to the one thing that will make me feel better:
THINGS I HATE ABOUT MATTHEW RICHARD HUDKINS
2.he sucks in bed
3.he has by far the smallest dick me or any of my friends have heared of.
4.i can count the number of orgasms ive had by him with my fingers.
5. he is manipulative
6.he turns everything around so that it is your fault
7.he makes you feel worthless when things dont go his way
8. he is a mommas boy
9. he refuses to grow up
10. he doesnt take responsibility for anything
11. he doesnt care about anyone but himself
12. he makes you feel sorry for him.
13. he doesnt acnowlege me as a person
14. he used me for sex
15. he pulled me away from all my friends
i have discovered that the key to guys is to make them think it is their idea, whatever "it" may be. for example, theres this kid how has been hitting on me for awhile now, but hes a friend and it would be kind of weird. plus i know for a fact he is a man whore. but anyway, to solve my problem i went over there today. we started watchin a movie, we talked for a bit, then he started tickling me and all of a sudden im on my back and he was kissin me. i gave him about a minute of sucky wet kisses before i pushed him off, saying it would be weird. well, he kept coming after me, and he had some good moves, ill give him that, but finally i was like "what do u think matt (my ex and his good friend) would do if he found out about this?" ha, that did the trick. moral of the story: always use ur ex as an alibi.
well, prom was last night. i pride myself in saying i only cried once, and that was while i was dancing with matt and he didnt even notice. i drained my dates checkbook at dinner because he kept avoiding me during the dance, but overall i had a great time. im also proud i did not go for the prom cliche and get drunk/layed. instead i fooled around with my lovely ex before the dance, smoked the rest of my pack of salems, and kissed a guy i call my brother (but hes not). i also got to privatly laugh at all the people i saw today who were hungover and looked like hell. tee hee hee, life is great.
I don't want you to know
how much i care about you,
how much i want only the best for you,
how much i worry about you,
and how much i still love you, even if its not the same love.
I don't want you to know
how much pain you've caused me,
how many nights i've spent crying myself to sleep,
how many cuts have been made in your name,
or how much i hate you.
I dont want you to know
that you have lowered my self esteem,
that you are the reason i tore my family apart,
that you are the reason i almost killed myself,
and that, ironically, you are the only reason i'm alive.
I dont want you to know
that i miss you even when you are right in front of me,
that you are the person i worry about the most,
that im a hypocrite for hating you for that month we were apart,
and im a hypocrite about your hair,
since mine has bleached blonde in it now.
I don't want you to know
that im jealous,
or a bitch,
but you already know all of that.
I don't want you to know
that i write about you,
that i really enjoy the nights, and days, and elevators, and...well ya,
that i hate that we never see each other during school anymore,
and that i wrote this poem,
so ill just stop.
im super pissy and tired right now, so naturally ill write. right now a bunch of shit is going on in my life. i had a really interesting conversation with my mother when i got home from walmart tonight. i think shes starting to see that ive grown up a lot since the end of january. im also getting caught up between 2 of my friends who are dating, and i kinda feel like im the 1 whose gunna get blamed 4 wuts been going on. i realized that i am ugly and fat as all hell and people are willing to choose monkeys over me. this is proof enough y im stuck with my prom date instead of who i wanted to go with. i figured out im not good enough for the future i want, or the life i want now for that matter. i also discovered it is impossible to sever emotions that u have held on to for so long without severing all ties to that person. iv realised happiness is only an illusion for the dellusional. ooo, i like the sound of that, dellusional. o well, im just sick and tired of being treated like crap and always coming in behind everyone else. does no one care about my feelings anymore? i always try to help my friends through their problems, but y is no 1 there 4 me? am i not good enough anymore? by trying to make myself a better person and do the right thing, did i lose all things i had once upon a lie? y do i not have the answers?
In the war between good and evil, a Time Dragon tends to walk the fine line of Neutrality.
When it comes to the powers of Chaos vs. those of Law and Order, your inner dragon is a risk taker and answers to no one.
As far as magical tendancies, Magical spells come as natural to the Time Dragon as breathe from it's body.
During combat situations, whether by spells or by claw, your inner dragon will do whatever it takes to get the job done.
A rare and unusual dragon, seldom seen due to its ability to shift through time. However, seeing time dragon often means great changes and unusual events are about to occur. A time dragon is transparent in coloring, much like an irridescent smooth wine glass or glass catfish. Young time dragons are playful and inquisitive, able to teleport themselves at an early age. as they mature their scales take on a more irridescent hue, sometimes reflecting more of a blue, green or red coloring.
Mature time dragons are reclusive, but have been known to involve themselves in the affairs of humans for reasons that no one can be quite sure of. Their ability to travel through time makes them virtually omniscient, as they have seen first hand the outcomes of fate.
Time dragons often are incredibly intelligent and even tempered, but can be extremely confusing to talk to. They are consummate planners, able to set up chains of events that have repercussions beyond the scope of human understanding.
This Dragons favorite elements are: Time, Change, quartz
Reasons why any girl has the God-given right to be mad at a guy without an explaination:
1. PMS, or when you are on your period.
2. You break our hearts at any point in time
3. You dont notice when we are looking great or have a new hairdo
4. You dont buy us presents when we deserve them
5. You say you will call, and then you dont
6. You talk excessivly about another girl. We may not like you that way, but we are still people and it makes us feel inadiquit.
7. You ignore us
8. Excessive video game playing, enough said
9. It never hurts to give us a hug once in a while
10. When we feel like you are hiding something from us.
11. When you take your anger out on us
12. When you act like a completely different person in front of your friends.
well i cant sleep, so ill write
1st thing of the day: i got caught giving my wonderful ex a blowjob so hed wake up by his mother. once again, that was aquward as usual. someday i believe i will look back on all the times weve gotten caught and laugh, like last week when i was handcuffed 2 the roof of my car and another car pulled in the parking lot and circled us.
2nd: once again hooper is hitting on me, but today he started at 9 am. what a wonderful wake up call, a guy who is a good friend of ur ex asking u 2 come over cus no1s home. im starting to think i should just do him 2 a:get him 2 shut up and b:i want 2 see why so many girls keep going back 2 him.
3rd: i went tanning on my back deck because it was 70 degrees. good news:i actually have tan lines. bad news: the weird clear mole thingee on my boob has turned BRIGHT RED. now iv gotta call the stupid dermatologist 2 make sure i dont have cancer or some weird shit like that.
4th: i went 2 the mall with potus 2 celebrate my birthday with him. he got me sun glasses, a key chain, and a happy bunny book. i ended up buying Battle Royale, one of my favorite books, so i will be able 2 read it without matts permision from now on. we saw miss congeniality 2, which was good, and i vowed that b4 the acts i am getting him drunk.
5th:i finished watching 10.5, so now i have 2 return it and spongebob 2 matt 2maro. id make arrangements 2 do that 2nite, but i dont want 2 call him because he is either a:sleeping already cus he didnt at all last night, or b: out with his precious little amanda. i really have no reason 2 hate her, but i do, o so much, and i dont no y cus i dont love matt nemore. i think i hate her because i almost want 2 protect her. i know shes a good person, i just dont want her 2 have 2 go through what i went through. no 1 deserves that pain, so maybe if i hate her she might just go away. i no, it makes no sense, but what else can i do? if i become her friend and tell her all the pain i went through, she would go back and tell matt and he doesnt need 2 no all of that.
speaking of hate, number 6: casi burdette is really pissing me off. how pathetic, she keeps sitting right next 2 me at lunch and whispering stupid little things about me 2 kay. its funny cus every1 keeps laughing about it behind her back, but if that bitch doesnt get out of my face soon, im gunna kick her ass. even mishelle is getting pissed at her. shes nothing but a whore. u no 1ce she slept with 3 guys in 1 day? and she calls me a whore, thats the number of guys iv slept with total, and she has new 1s every week. i hope she catches some funky std. really, i hate her that much.
well, im tired now, goodnight everyone
If I was a profession I'd be: a porn star
If I was a country I'd be: puerto rico
If I was an ocean or body of water I'd be:sun bay
If I was a piece of candy I'd be:a sucker
If I was a famous building or piece of architecture I'd be: navy peir
If I was a store I'd be:wal mart
If I was a brand of shoe I'd be: flip flops
If I was a swear word I'd be:fuck
If I was an icecream flavor I'd be: half baked
If I was a disease I'd be: gonasyphicherp
If I was a board game I'd be:monopoly
If I was a feeling I'd be:an orgasm
If I was a president I'd be:clinton
If I was a war I'd be: vietnam
If I was a city I'd be: chicago
If I was a color I'd be: hot pink
If I was a celebrity I'd be: pam anderson, i have her boobs
If I was a movie I'd be: cruel intentions
If I was a brand of toothpaste I'd be:crest the cinnamon kind
If I was a buisness I'd be:a strip club
If I was a currency I'd be: yen because thats a funny word
If I were a month, I'd be: july
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: saturday
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 1 am
If I were a planet, I'd be:uranus
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: PENGUIN!
If I were a direction, I'd be:left?
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be:a bed
If I were a liquid, I'd be:a sex on the beach
If I were a tree, I'd be:a palm tree
If I were a bird, I'd be: a parrot
If I were a tool, I'd be: a screw driver
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be:a rose
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: hot and wet
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be:a flute
If I were an animal, I'd be:A PENGUIN
If I were a vegetable, I'd be: a carrot
If I were a sound, I'd be: mmmm
If I were an element, I'd be: einsteinium
If I were a car, I'd be: 2005 mustang gt convertable, silver
If I were a song, I'd be: numb by lincoln park
If I were a book, I'd be: the lovely bones
If I were a food, I'd be: a popsicle
If I were a material, I'd be:metal
If I were a taste, I'd be: like tuna
If I were a word, I'd be: fuck
If I were a body part, I'd be: boobs
If I were a facial expression, I'd be:a smile
If I were a shape, I'd be:a circle
If I were a number, I'd be:69
well, it has once again started, the dumb ass dating game. i hate it, i hate the whole concept of dating and everything it entails. hooper hit on me, tom doesnt really care, matts all happy, and once again i am lonely surrounded by people. i love that hes happy, i just hate that its not because of me. i hate listening to him talk about her because it absolutly tears me up inside. trust me, theres no way in hell i would EVER date him again, but i still feel attatched in a weird way. i dont exzactly love him anymore, ive been hurt too many times for that, but theres still a tiny spark that catches me offguard sometimes, and tonight is one of them. i hate that the only guys interested in me are only in it for sex, or they r gay. i hate that i dont have the guts to ask out the guy i really like because he is waaaaayyy out of my league and would never go for it because he is already just a friend, and i was stupid enough to tell him that. then there is adam. o adam, wuts wrong with u? he likes me, but has no guts to hang out with me, let alone date me, and neway i dont even really like him like that, im just bored. well, on a brighter note, i finally get 2 bust out the handcuffs 2maro, wooooo hooooo! and despite everything, matt and i havent been fighting lately and i like when we rnt all mad at eachother. i dunno, maybe its better hes kinda with someone else. i mean, i wont talk 2 him as much then and he wont have 2 worry about me anymore.
well, yesturday sucked. well not really all of it, but the last part. i went 2 the mall with casey jones and we had tons of fun. around 430 we decided 2 go to sadies 2gether, which was in 2 hours. we got bored about an hour after we got there, so we went 2 matts 2 hang out with every1, which was kewl cus i knew it was matts last day off 4 awhile. we were gunna go c the ring 2, but eric, michelle, and casey went 2 shuelers 2 c the drug dogs. it pissed me off cus i wanted 2 c the movie, and matt was gettin really mad. then we tried 2 go bowling, but all the lanes in town were full. so we were gunna go 2 peru, but at the last second every1 else decided 2 go over 2 jerimiahs. this pissed me off royally since i had spent 5 minutes battling with my mother 2 b able 2 go. i didnt want 2 go, but i really couldnt go home. matt was pissin me off cus he was takin his anger out on me, which i should b used 2 by now, but i was already pretty mad cus he had kissed me after he had been out with amanda all day, so i kinda felt like i was getting sloppy seconds. then i got really mad and broke his window. o, and after i got home i put the incredibles in my dvd player and it got stuck, so i broke the dvd player. i didnt get to bed til about 2 and i had 2 b at work at 7. well im tired so im gunna take a nap