[cortexius]'s diary

1170689  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2018-08-05
Written: (990 days ago)

I woke up o realize the mess I made. The reality of my life. The constant cycling of my life going nowhere. Why? Why did I choose this path I ask myself. Youll never love me the way I thought you would. I gavetou wverything and thw reality is you sont ever love me enough....im going to let go. Im going to walk away and forget you......because i can no longer love you the way you deserve...

1079362  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2009-05-18
Written: (4356 days ago)

I've found peace of mind, i'm feeling good again
I'm on the other side, back among the living
Ain't a cloud in the sky
All my tears have been cried
And i can finally say

Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I still love you and i will forever
We can't hide the truth
We know each other better
When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
It ain't supposed to be that way

Baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

When we try to make it work
We both end up hurt
Love ain't supposed to be that way

So baby baby stay
Stay right where you are
I like it this way
It's good for my heart
I haven't felt like this
In ooh in God knows how long
I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

I know everything's gonna be okay
If you just stay gone

1079077  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2009-05-15
Written: (4359 days ago)

We wake to find that the world isn't what we expected to be, there's no silver lining in the clouds and no paradise, no such thing as perfection, and dreams are only meant to be crushed, who are we to say that life cant just throw you away and forget you exist.
you start at the bottom and fight to make it to the top, only to die in the middle and havnt accomplished a damn thing.. you take one set forward and 100 back, life isn't easy, things just dont get handed to you on a gold platter, it takes years and years of hard labor to be something in this shitty little world....
and for what, to go back out the same way you came in, nothing changes and nothing will ever be the reason we live for....
some people need to take a long hard look at there life and forget everything they know, because the path there on only leaves to nothing in the end....
we do things we dont want to to be something were not......


949483  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-06-18
Written: (5055 days ago)
Next in thread: 950441

something for christains to think about....

We are the Other People

I would like to share this story with you all; I know you'll like it.

goes the doorbell. Is it Avon calling? Or perhaps Ed McMahon with my three million dollars? No, it's Yahweh's Witnesses again, just wanting to have a nice little chat about the Bible...

Boy, did they ever come to the wrong house! So we invite them in:

"Enter freely and of your own will..." (Hey, it's Sunday morning, nothing much going on, why not have a little entertainment?) Diane and I amuse ourselves watching their expressions as they check out the living room: great horned owl on the back of my chair; ceremonial masks and medicine skulls of dragons and unicorns on the wall;
crystals, wands, staffs, swords; lots of Goddess figures and several
altars; boa constrictors draped in amorous embrace over the elk horn; white doves sitting in the hanging planters; cats and weasels underfoot; iron dragon snorting steam atop the wood stove; posters and paintings of wizards and dinosaurs and witchy women, some proudly naked; sculptures of mythological beasties and lots more dinosaurs; warp six on the star-filled view screen of my computer; a five-foot
model of the USS Enterprise and the skeleton of a plesiosaur hanging from the ceiling; very, very many books, most of them dealing with obviously weird subjects... To say nothing of the great horned owl perched on the back of my chair and the Unicorn grazing in the front yard. You know; early Addams Family decor.

then, of course, it being late in the morning, you can expect Morning Glory to come wandering out naked, looking for her wake-up cup of tea. Morning Glory naked is a truly impressive sight, and the Witnesses look as if she'd set titties on stun as they stand immobilized, hands clasped over their genitals. With the stage set and all the actors in place, the show is ready to begin.

mission, of course, it to save our heathen souls by turning us on to
"The Word of the Lord" their Bible. I guess they figure
some of us just haven't heard about it yet, and we're all eagerly
awaiting their joyous tidings of personal salvation through giving
our rational faculties to Jesus.

time they come around, I look forward to trying out a new riposte.
Sure, it may be cruel and sadistic of me, but hey, I didn't call them
up and ask them to come over; they entered at their own risk! This
time should be pretty good. After letting them run off their basic
rap while lovely Morning Glory serves us all hot herb tea, I
innocently remark:

none of that applies to us. We have no need for salvation because we
don't have original sin. We are the Other People."

What?" they reply eloquently. It's clear they've never heard
this one before.

I say. "It's all in your Bible." And I proceed to tell them
the story, using their own book for reference:

1:26 The [Elohim] said, "Let us make humanity in our own image,
in the likeness of ourselves, and let them be masters of the fish of
the sea, the birds of heaven, the cattle, all the wild beasts and all
the reptiles that crawl upon the earth."

is a plural word, including male and female, and should properly be
translated "Gods" or "Pantheon."

The Gods created humanity in the image of themselves, in the image of
the Gods they created them, Male and female they created them.

The Gods blessed them, saying to them, "Be fruitful, multiply,
fill the earth and conquer it. Be masters of the fish of the sea, the
birds of heaven and all living animals on the earth."

clearly, here we are talking about the original creation of the human
species: male and female. All the animals, plants, etc. have all been
created in previous verses. This is before the Garden of Eden, and
Yahweh is not mentioned as the creator of these people. The next
chapter talks about how Yahweh, an individual member of the Pantheon,
goes about assembling his own special little botanical and zoological
Garden in Eden, and making his own little man to inhabit it:

2:7_ Yahweh God fashioned a man of dust from the soil. Then he
breathed into his nostrils a breath of life, and thus the man became
a living being.

God planted a garden in Eden which is in the east, and there he put
the man he had fashioned.

Yahweh God caused to spring up from the soil every kind of tree,
enticing to look at and good to eat, with the tree of life and the
tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the middle of the garden.

Yahweh God took the man and settled him in the Garden of Eden to
cultivate and take care of it.

this next is crucial: note Yahweh's precise words:

Then Yahweh God gave the man this admonition, "You may eat
indeed of all the trees in the garden.

Nevertheless of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you are
not to eat, for on the day you eat of it you shall most surely die."

words, those. We will refer back to this admonition later. Then
Yahweh decides to make a woman to go with the man. Now, don't forget
that the Pantheon had earlier created a whole population of people,
"male and female," who are presumably doing just fine
somewhere "outside the gates of Eden." But this setup in
Eden is Yahweh's own little experiment, and will unfold to its own
separate destiny.

So Yahweh God made the man fall into a deep sleep. And while he
slept, he took one of his ribs and enclosed it in flesh.

Yahweh God built the rib he had taken from the man into a woman, and
brought her to the man. Right. Man gives birth to woman. Sure he
does. But that's the way the story is told here.

Now both of them were naked, the man and his wife, but they felt no
shame in front of each other. Well, of course not! Why should they?
But take careful note of those words, as they also will prove to be
significant... Now this next part is where it starts to get
interesting. Enter the Serpent:

3:1 The serpent was the most subtle of all the wild beasts that
Yahweh God had made. It asked the woman, "Did God really say you
were not to eat from any of the trees in the garden?"

The woman answered the serpent, "We may eat the fruit of the
trees in the garden.

"But of the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden God
said, 'You must not eat it, nor touch it, under pain of death'"

Then the serpent said to the woman, "No! You will not die!

"God knows in fact that on the day you eat it your eyes will be
opened and you will be like gods, knowing good and evil."

a remarkable statement! "Your eyes will be opened and you will
be like gods, knowing good and evil." The Serpent directly
contradicts Yahweh. Obviously, one of them has to be lying. Which
one, do you suppose? And, if the serpent speaks true, wouldn't you
wish to eat of the magic fruit? Wouldn't it be a good thing, to
become "like gods, knowing good and evil"? Or is it
preferable to remain in ignorance?

The woman saw that the tree was good to eat and pleasing to the eye
and that it was desirable for the knowledge that it could give. So
she took some of its fruit and ate it. She gave some also to her
husband who was with her, and he ate it.

Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they realized that they
were naked. So they sewed fig leaves together to make themselves

author makes an interesting assumption here: that if you realize you
are naked you will automatically want to cover yourself. Further
implications will unfold shortly...

The man and his wife heard the sound of Yahweh God walking in the
garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from Yahweh God among the
trees of the garden.

But Yahweh God called to the man. "Where are you?" he

"I heard the sound of you in the garden," he replied. "I
was afraid because I was naked, so I hid."

"Who told you that you were naked?" he asked. "Have
you been eating of the tree I forbade you to eat?"

so the sign of the fall becomes modesty. Take note of this. The
descendants of Adam and Eve will be distinguished throughout history
from virtually all other peoples by their obsessive modesty taboos,
wherein they will feel ashamed of being naked. It follows that those
who feel no shame in being naked are, by definition, not carriers of
this spiritual disease of original sin!

The man replied, "It was the woman you put with me; she gave me
the fruit, and I ate it." Right. Blame the woman. What a turkey!

Then Yahweh God asked the woman, "What is this you have done?"
The woman replied, "The serpent tempted me and I ate." So
of course she blames the serpent. But just what did the serpent do
that was so evil? Why, he called Yahweh a liar! Was he wrong? Let's

Yahweh God made clothes out of skins for the man and his wife, and
they put them on.

of skins? This means that Yahweh had to kill some innocent animals to
pander to Adam and Eve's new obsession with modesty! And now we come
to the crux of the fall. Yahweh had said back there in chapter 2:17,
regarding the fruit of the tree of knowledge, that "on the day
you eat of it you shall most surely die." The Serpent, on the
other hand, had contradicted Yahweh in chapter 3:4-5:

You will not die! God knows in fact that on the day you eat it your
eyes will be opened and you will be like gods, knowing good and
evil." So what actually happened? Who lied and who told the
truth about this remarkable fruit? The answer is given in the next
verse: 3:22 Then Yahweh God said, "See, the man has become like
one of us, with his knowledge of good and evil. He must not be
allowed to stretch his hand out next and pick from the tree of life
also, and eat some and live forever."

that? Yahweh himself admits that he had lied! In fact, and in
Yahweh's own words, the Serpent spoke the absolute truth! And
moreover, Yahweh tells the rest of the pantheon that he intends to
evict Adam (and presumably Eve as well) to keep them from gaining
immortality to go with their newly-acquired divine knowledge. To
prevent them, in other words, from truly becoming gods! So who, in
this story, comes off as a benefactor of humanity, and who comes off
as a tyrant? THE SERPENT NEVER LIED! This story, to digress slightly,
bears a remarkable semblance to a contemporary tale from ancient
Greece. In that version, the Serpent (later identified as Lucifer,
the Light-Bearer) may be equated with the heroic titan Prometheus,
who championed humanity against the tyranny of Zeus, who wished for
people to be mere slaves of the gods. Prometheus, whose name means
"forethought," gave people wisdom, intelligence, and fire
stolen from Olympus.

he ordained the portions of animal sacrifice so that humans got the
best parts (the meat and hides) while the portion that was burned to
the gods was the bones and fat. In punishment or this defiance of his
divine authority, Zeus condemned Prometheus to a terrible punishment
for an immortal: to be chained to a mountain in the Caucasus, where
Zeus' gryphon/eagle (actually a Lammergier) would devour his liver
each day. It would grow back each night. Zeus promised to relent if
Prometheus would reveal his great secret knowledge: Who would succeed
Zeus as supreme god?

refused to tell, but history has revealed the answer... The
interesting thing about all this is that the Greeks properly regarded
Prometheus as a noble hero in his defiance of unjust tyranny. One may
wonder why the Serpent is not so well regarded. On the contrary,
snakes are loathed throughout Christendom.

So Yahweh God expelled him from the Garden of Eden, to till the soil
from which he had been taken.3:24 He banished the man, and in front
of the Garden of Eden he posted the cherubs, and the flame of a
flashing sword, to guard the way to the tree of life. So that's it
for the fall. But the story of Adam and Eve doesn't end there.

4:1 The man had intercourse with his wife Eve, and she conceived and
gave birth to Cain...

She gave birth to a second child, Abel, the brother of Cain. Now Abel
became a shepherd and kept flocks, while Cain tilled the soil.

Time passed and Cain brought some of the produce of the soil as an
offering for Yahweh, 4:4 while Abel for his part brought the
first-born of his flock and some of their fat as well. Yahweh looked
with favor on Abel and his offering. But he did not look with favor
on Cain and his offering, and Cain was very angry and downcast. Well,
why shouldn't he be? Both brothers had brought forth their first
fruits as offerings, but Yahweh rejected the vegetables and only
accepted the blood sacrifice. This was to set a gruesome precedent:

Cain said to his brother Abel, "Let us go out;" and while
they were in the open country, Cain set on his brother Abel and
killed him. Accursed and marked for fratricide, 4:16 Cain left the
presence of Yahweh and settled in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

can assume that the phrase "left the presence of Yahweh"
implies that Yahweh is a local deity, and not omnipresent. Now Eden,
according to Gen. 2:14-15, was situated at the source of the Tigris
and Euphrates rivers, apparently right where Lake Van is now, in
Turkey. East of Eden," therefore, would probably be along the
shores of the Caspian Sea, right in the Indo-European heartland. Cain
settled in there, among the people of Nod, and married one of the
women of that country. Here, for the first time, is specifically
mentioned the "other people" who are not of the lineage of
Adam and Eve. I.e., the Pagans.

let's look at this story from another viewpoint: There we were,
around six thousand years ago, living in our little farming
communities around the Caspian Sea, in the land of Nod, when this
dude with a terrible scar comes stumbling in out of the sunset. He
tells us this bizarre story, about how his mother and father had been
created by some god named Yahweh, and put in charge of a beautiful
garden somewhere out west, and how they had gotten thrown out for
disobedience after eating some of the landlord's forbidden magic
fruit of enlightenment. He tells us of murdering his brother, as the
god of his parents would only accept blood sacrifice, and of
receiving that scar as a mark so that all would know him as a
fratricide. The poor guy is really a mess psychologically, obsessed
with guilt. He is also obsessively modest, insisting on wearing
clothes even in the hottest summer, and he has a hard time with our
penchant for skinny-dipping in the warm inland sea. He seems to
believe that he is tainted by the "sin" of his parent's
disobedience; that it is in his blood, somehow, and will continue to
contaminate his children and his children's children. One of our
healing women takes pity on the poor sucker, and marries him...

Cain had intercourse with his wife, and she conceived and gave birth
to Enoch. He became builder of a town, and he gave the town the name
of his son Enoch.

both of their first sons not turning out very well, Adam and Eve
decided to try again:

Adam had intercourse with his wife, and she gave birth to a son whom
she named Seth...

A son was also born to Seth, and he named him Enosh. This man was the
first to invoke the name of Yahweh. Now it doesn't mention here where
Seth's wife came from. Another woman from Nod, possibly, or maybe
someone from another Neolithic community downstream in the
Tigris-Euphrates valley. But her folks also, cannot be of the lineage
of Adam and Eve, and must also be counted among "the other

whatever happened to Adam? After all, way back there in chapter 2:17,
warning Adam about the magic fruit of knowlege, Yahweh had told him
that "on the day you eat of it you shall most surely die."
So, when did Adam die?

5:4_ Adam lived for eight hundred years after the birth of Seth and
he became the father of sons and daughters.

In all, Adam lived for nine hundred and thirty years; then he died.

that's pretty good! Nine hundred and some odd years isn't bad for a
man who's been told he's going to die the next day! Well, the story
goes on, and maybe next time the Witnesses come to visit I'll tell
more of it. But suffice it to say that those of us who are not of
Semitic descent (i.e., not of the lineage of Adam and Eve) cannot
share in the Original Sin that comes with that lineage. Being that
the Bible is the story of that lineage, of Adam and Eve's descendants
and their special relationship with their particular god, Yahweh, it
follows that this is not the story of the rest of us. We may have
been Cain's wife's people, or Seth's wife's people, or some other
people over the hill and far away, but whichever people the rest of
us are, as far as the Bible is concerned, we are the Other People,
and so we are continually referred to throughout.

books of the Bible are filled with admonitions to the followers of
Yahweh to "learn not the ways of the Pagans..." (Jer 10:2)
with detailed descriptions of exactly what it is we do, such as erect
standing stones and sacred poles, worship in sacred groves and
practice divination and magic. And worship the sun, moon, stars and
the "Queen of Heaven." "You must not behave as they do
in Egypt where once you lived; you must not behave as they do in
Canaan where I am taking you. You must not follow their laws."
(Lev 18:3) For Yahweh, as he so clearly emphasizes, is not the god of
the Pagans. We have our own lineage and our own heritage, and our
tale is not told in the Bible.

were not "made" like clay figurines by a male deity out of
"dust from the soil." We were born of our Mother the Earth,
and have evolved over eons in Her nurturing embrace. All of us, in
our many and diverse tribes, have creation myths and legends of our
origins and history; some of these tales may even be actually true.
Like the descendants of Adam and Eve, many of us also have stories of
great floods, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions and other cataclysms
that wiped out whole communities of our people, wherein "I alone
survived to tell the tale." Nearly all of our ancestral tribes
(and especially those of us who today are reclaiming our own Pagan
heritage) lack that peculiar obsessive body modesty that seems to be
a hallmark of the original sin alluded to in the story of the fall.
We can be naked and unashamed! Why, our Goddess even tells us, "As
a sign that you are truly free, you shall be naked in your rites."
Not being born into sin, we have no need of salvation, and no need of
a Messiah to redeem our sinful souls. Neither heaven nor hell is our
destination in the afterlife; we have our own various arrangements
with our own various deities.

Bible is not our story; we have our own stories to tell, and they are
many and diverse. In a long life, you may get to hear many of them.

938118  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-05-09
Written: (5096 days ago)
Next in thread: 938121

the simplicities of life

There's an old saying in life,"you cant have your cake and eat it too".......what the fuck is up with that shit?.....whats the point in having cake if you cant eat it....the icings the best part......

anyway, lets get to the point......I've learned that life sucks "balls".....(which is actually a good drink).....But besides that little mix of theory.....you struggle everyday to try your best and sometimes it never turns out the way you want it......and half the time, your so caught up in the material things such as (cell phones, t.v., fashion, boys/ girls, and this almighty thing called a computer) that you forget the real meaning of life....

you only live once, so you better make the best of it......you can't have regrets, you can't have flaws, everything you do is for a reason, and, within that reasons lies your life, the uncontrollable passion to be something your not, or to have everything thing that you ever wanted, is only a flock of reality.....no matter what your never satisfied, nothing is never enough, and reality will always be the reason you try and escape...

for those of you that cant understand big words, this means...that no matter what happens in life, no matter what you do, no matter how much you try, LIFE, will always fuck you in the butt......and to be honest....i think that hurts.....never happen to me so i'm not shore, but people tell me it does...so i believe them.....

sometimes we make life to difficult, it's not actually as hard as it seems.......you wake up, go through your daily routine, learn something and then go to bed wondering what could have made your day so much better,

nothing in life is guaranteed, but thats when you just say fuck it and go with it..... once you start something it's honestly pointless to give up on it....because all that time you wasted trying to fix or make that one little thing work, you have had to spend on something else to make it work, and that have been more time for more thing's you want to do......

so it's pointless,

in my opinion once you make up your mind on what you want at that time, and you take it...it's like an unsigned contracted that you never saw....basically saying your fucked, and if you want something worth living for you better stick it all the way through.......because you will always have those simple word stuck in your mind.....WHAT IF......and thats a big word for only being two letters in the dictionary

i honestly hope someone reads this.......it's worth the time and day....because its all true about the simplicities of life

 The logged in version 

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