January 13th 2006
I awoke this morning, from having fallen asleep in a dreadful position leaving me with a cramp in my jaw. A shame too as tonight was so peaceful. But the balance was there, although there were no foxes crying into the night like they usually do, the birds are out early and thier song is not as sharp or piercing as the foxes. Silence is a thing to be appreciated, and it can often only be appreciated at night, when most of the world is asleep, So at these times we should appreciate it more if only for the sole reason that you never know when things may be silent again. Comparing this calm to the day before, the birds singing is almost like a massage, calming and relaxing, taking away tension from a hard days work.
It's nights like these that break up the days, and even reminds me to keep thinking of the reasons I am still here, and what there is I still have to do, so much purpose from something with so little, in both tenses. It's nice in those moments where time slows down you can appreciate the compexities in thier own right, not as part of something greater. Whilst condensing life down into an easy to manage blob we quite often don't take the time to truly appreciate whats there, and what we so often take for granted.
I would like to believe though, I don't take as much for granted as most people do, even if all I am doing is taking time out to appreciate things every once in a while, I give this consideration all the rise it needs and take what lessons I can learn from it into myself. Rather than it being an indulgence where the moment would come, and then it would pass. Life is a series of moments, if you let them all pass with no consideration then so does your life pass in the same way. Almost like a smoker who realises if they could only have back the money they've spent smoking they would be so much better off, I feel I would be so much better off if I could take back a lot of wasted time. But I do make the effort to learn this lesson, rather than ignore it and assume there is nothing I can do about it.
It leaves me thinking though, as I've often jumped to either side of this train of thought before, this thought being that, everything does have a meaning, as I am a strong believer that nothing is trivial, and I try to appreciate what I have as much as I can because I don't know when I will lose it. On the other side though, I accept that somethings happen without reason, things that will sometimes hurt me. I suppose thinking on it this is only a half truth, it does have a reason, a cause, but this cause doesn't necessarily justify the effect. For an example, a charity worker who loses thier house. What they do is a lot of good, but yet something bad has happened, there is a reason this happened, but at the same time, the cause is out of this persons hands. A bad example perhaps, there are better but this helps put what I'm thinking about into context.
I suppose the best way to think of it is that we can't predict the future, and whilst it is always best to be prepared for the future, it's hard because it means we have to be ready for anything. And no matter how much you prepare for some things theres no way of being truly prepared for everything, such as losing a loved one. But we cannot live entirely in the moment just because we don't know the future, because moments are passing all the time, endlessly. The moments I spent writing this and those spent of yours reading it, and inbetween so much has happened all around the world. We must appreciate each moment, and learn as much as we can, life is a learning process, and our own lives really only have the meaning we give them, and thats completely up to us, sometimes emotions and many other things will confuse and conflict this. But thats just part of learning and growing to become better people, and there is a reason for this, its the reason we're still here.
Past, Present and future all have things to teach, we need to make sure thats what we learn, I think thats the most important kind of education you can get, your own.