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Page name: Bob's Diner [Exported view] [RSS]
2018-06-12 00:20:28
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Abandon all outside food and drinks, ye who enter here.


a limerick, by [Mortified Penguin]
.........Welcome to Bob's Diner,
ain't no place finer!
The food is good,
we're always in tha 'hood,
and [Sagacious Turkey] is a whiner!

<img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/b.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/o.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/b.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/s.gif> <img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/d.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/i.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/n.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/e.gif><img:http://www.wobshite.co.uk/b3ta/letters/ransom/r.gif>


As seen in [iippo]'s diary!
This wiki sponsored in part by the [Sunrose] Does Not Suck committee
and the [pixish] art committee



<img:http://elftown.com/stuff/aj/44884/1414522632.png>
by [Teufelsweib]
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Menu:
Show content


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|Da menyou|


<img150*0:stuff/aj/11111/bobsdinerspecial.png>

'If you are what you eat, then we're easy, fast and cheap!'
 

Don't see sumthin ya like on da menu? Well, add to it!

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Breakfast


1. Shakin' Bacon $1.50
2. Godzilla Eggs $1.20
3. Hash Browns $1.00
4. Hash Greens $1.00
5. Texas toast (this isn't really from texas) $2.00
6. French Toast (This isn't actually from France either) $3.50
7. French Fries (nope, still not from france...) $1.50
8. French Bread (NOT FROM FRANCE!!!) $1.25
9. French Wine (not from France exactly... it might have fallen off a truck,... but i don't know anything *whistles innocently*)
10. Mortified News-Paper-Colored-Breakfast-Sandwich $2.50

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Lunch



1. Bob's special of the day: Sun. grilled cheese, Mon. leg of lamb, Tues. leg of bob, Wed. something we found on the street, Thurs. hamburger, Fri. tacos we stole from Taco Bell, Sat. you don't want to know. $4.19
2. hamburger & fries $4.00
3. uncooked ham (a live pig) $10.24
4. a bowl of fresh lard $3.49
5. Texas toast (this isn't really from Texas) $2.00
6. think of the nastiest thing you've ever seen or smelled... nope, nastier... yup thats it! $5.99
7. raw chicken liver with a dog drool sauce. $7.82
8. La Ham and cheese $2.30
9. Bob's Mama $1 an hour
10. Garfield's mama $0.50 an hour
11. sirloin $6.00
12. Sir. Loin (some British guy) £6.00
13. boiled Chef Zef $0.99
14. 3-legged lamb - whole: $10.00/ each leg: $2.00
15. fried Alley Gator $5.00
16. Plain poodle: $3.00/ Extra crispy poodle: $3.50
17. Poo Stew $2.25
18. Mashed taters and dressed up alligators $5.50
19. Woops, I sneezed... Oh well, might as well put it to good use... "snot sandwich" $1.25
20. Roasted n00b $4.00
21. Bloody Rock $1.50
22. Flattened road kill squirrel $4.75
23. Fresh n00b with blood croutons $4.50
24. [Shaggy13]'s soup $1.12
25. Turkey Jerkey $0.50
26. A Jerkey Turkey $5.00
27. YO MOMMA with a side of fries and a large soda $0.00
28. [Rolo]'s special: Mouse burger and french flies all for just $2.50
29. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s Acid Kisses free to try then 4 easy payments of $19.95 to buy!!!!
30.
31. Micheal Jackson's nose $10.75
32. elf on the cob $5.50/whole elf $9.25
33. [spitfire_35121]'s mole 500,000.00
34. An Orange Chicken ¥300.00
35. Ground beef Carl $3.25
36. The Deep Fried Moose Combo $6.99
37. [sara(:]'s kitty.......$o.ooo9 per hour..
38. viagra pill $300
39. gobbler....?
40. a big fat bowl of ramen ¥800.00
41. hootchie cootchie $2.00
42. Burgers from McDonald's $1.00
43. Make Your Own Road Kill (Brought to you by MatchBox) $ 6.90
44. Deep Fried Squirrel Quesadilla $ 1.50
45. Eel Burger (it's shockingly delicious!) $3.4¾ (WARNING: Eel Burger may kill consumer. We are not responsible. Blame the eels!)

46. Selfish Shellfish Soufflé $4.99 (plus tip!)
47.All the grief, horror, madness,[Lethan] and opium-addled reverie you can shake a Victorian gentleman's walking stick at for a mere $5
48. [Eloura]'s Busted gut still fresh and good, for a nere (and this is a SALE people) $9.99
49. [Duke Devlin]'s Small Bacon Bit Babies. They are a delious bacony treat for any meal. $15,999.99 It's a real steal deal kids!
50. [Araglas]'s Zombie body food, just ask, it's good, and very fresh! Only $5.99!
51. All you can eat: [HardRockAngel]'s little brother: an endless supplie of meat. $12.99

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Appetizers


1. half a cracker $1,000,000
2. Bloody Rock $1.50
3. [sara(:]'s (very little) Brain $2.00
4. [Fallen Child Athena]'s Foamy the Squirrel $5000.00 ((i stole him hahahahahaha))
5. [Mortified Penguin]'s intelligence (not a very big meal...) $0.25
6. Slice of maggot cheese $1.50
7. Cooked Sushi $4.50
8. Tumble Weed $1,000.01
9. [Fallen Child Athena]'s "happy crack".......$1.50((its weed))
10. Bowl of tears $.50
11. Crickets (a bowl full) $0.50
12. "Eye Rolls" $1.50
13. Corn on the toes $1.50
14. cooked sushi $2.00
15. Big, huge, throbbing, hot, juicy... breadsticks! $DAH.LER
16. [Mortified Penguin]'s ashes $Free to try $39.95 to buy
17. [Blvd. of broken dreams]'s leg (stays fresh for about a month) hehe jr., i told you!!!1
17. Military Intelligence (not much there) $9,999 {brought in by [Fallen Child Athena])
19. Fresh squeezed hangover from [Evolution X]
20. Ganondorf's Noodly Appendage (note: not big enough to be considered full meal) $4.00
21. Peanuts of Pathos $free with the purchase of a drink (In loving memory of our dear old friend, [Paul Doyle].)
22. Flagon of Dragon Lotion. Not sure what to make of this, frankly. It's not really a drink . . . have this with Peanuts of Pathos, perhaps? Do you have what it takes to consume this? I'm not sure I do.
23. [Mortified Penguin]'s head on a fake cheap silver platter.
24. Blubber nuggets, made with the finest whale blubber in the world! (YUM!) $100.00

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Dinner


1. [Mortified Penguin]'s squeegey $0.10
2. DUSTIN'S MAMA and a condom......we'll pay you...take it,we don't want "it".....
3. Sasmooko's Shoe $1.75
4. A leg $Shoot something, or someone
5. [Fallen Child Athena]'s bunny rabbit..........$1.50
6. The "lame-@$$-mo'-frickin'-gay-infested-puppy-hating-country-o'-france" Special. (May include: French toast, french fries, french bread, french vanilla, french dressing, a lovely french dipping sauce, and a sexy lonely french woman that likes to french kiss) $19.95 if you order in the next ten minutes! ...plus shipping and handling...
7. [Evolution X]'s famous Spaghetti and eyeballs.
8. A Big Freakin' Bowl of Ramen $0 (Free for Mort, everyone else gets charged a mandatory $10 tip for the waiter)
9.Ugly stack of papers with protective cover. Looks to have been dropped into a beef broth by a sad, worn out, uncreative idiot. Yarg. (munches on a news-paper-colored-breakfast-sandwich) $2.00
10.Gammon with Fluff & gravy =] $0
11.Not so fresh puppy €7.00 (Other than brown colored +¥5.28)
12. [Scarekrow]'s Harden the fuck up special (with your choise of fist to the face or foot to the ass)................$25.00
13. Chuck Norris Stew with a side of sucker-punch and piss-in-your-pants. Priceless

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Dessert


1. brownie-a-la-mode $2.00
2. crap-a-la-commode $2.00
3. artichoke pie $1.50
4. "cheese cake" (literally made of cheese) $1.75
5. Iced ice $0.50
6. Glazed rocks $0.75
7. Punkin Pie (full of fresh baked punks...) $2.00
8. Rake Cake (wanna do something special for your hard working rake for it's birthday? get this!) $1.75
9. n00b-a-la-blood $2.00
10. "Cow Pie" $2.00
11. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood $9,999,999,999.50
12. [Phil Crooked]'s manhood, FROSTED, $2
13. "apple sauce" $1
14. [nokaredes]'s old cast $how much you got?
15. [ikkle sid] for the night chocolate sauce included 4 all u randy twats lol ... $1,000,000,000
16. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s liver flavored ice cream $2.50
17. [Archeress of Mirkwood]'s chocolate flavored moth-balls $1.75 per box
18. Bert and Ernie's every flavor spleens... er... I mean... beans. $1.00 per box
19.[bluefairy27]'s deadly blow fish surprise.$3.50
20. [Evolution X]'s Eskimo pie (from real eskimos)
21. Pink, fluffy and tasty Watapon (Warning: Not really tasty)
22. Vasturcro, free! (plus $20 in taxes, $35 for the food, which is $65, totaling out to $127)
23. Sweet, cherry, and pied crow pie, $2.33

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Drinks


1. anything we can liquefy in the blender $1.00
2. snot $1.00

(smaller gap)

3. urine $1.00
4. "mystery meat juice" $1.00
5. liquid lard $1.00
6. [Fallen Child Athena]'s special "coffee" $1.95
7. goat milk $1.00
8. watered down tea $1.00
9. Turkey Milk $1.00
10. A Pint of Blood $0.50
11. A Quart of Blood $1.00
12. Goblet Of Blood On The Rocks $2.50
13. Rat Milk $1.00
14. Snow Coco $1.00
15. Hot, steaming cup of Coffee $1.00 (per cup)
16. Liquid ice $2.50 per pound
17. A "booty" shake $6.66
18. From the makers of Granny's Bunyan Creme and Granny's Homegrown Arsenic... we bring you... Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol! Not only does it get you hammered more than a nail, but it also helps heal your internal cuts! (WARNING: Granny's Hard Rubbing Alcohol will NOT heal your internal cuts. In fact, it may make them worse. We are not responsible for any injuries and/or death. Blame Granny!) $Depends on how "under the influence" you are.
19.something [Lethan] squeezed out of a brick
20. An Epic Fail (Brought in by Veari)
21. Tead down water(purified) $50.00
22. Special Equestrian "Mayonnaise" Smoothie



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Bob's Diner Status Report:
Show content

Bob's Diner Status Report

All numbers and stats are approximate and lead to irregularities when double checking, due to faulty math and [Elftron] screwing with wiki comments and information sometimes. Don't blame us. Blame [Hedda].

       

Year
04/05
05/06
06/07
07/08
08/09
09/10
10/11
11/12
12/13
13/14
14/15
15/16
16/17


Comments
9709
3870
3065
5676
4309
2879
5259
1697
0984
0756
0394
0177
0384


Average
26.6 cpd
10.6 cpd
08.4 cpd
15.5 cpd
11.8 cpd
07.9 cpd
14.4 cpd
04.7 cpd
02.7 cpd
02.1 cpd
01.1 cpd
00.5 cpd
01.1 cpd



Total Comments
09709
13579
16644
22320
26666
29545
34804
36501
37484
38240
38634
38839
39223



Total Average
26.6 cpd/9709 cpy
18.6 cpd/6789 cpy
15.2 cpd/5548 cpy
15.3 cpd/5580 cpy
14.6 cpd/5333 cpy
13.5 cpd/4924 cpy
13.6 cpd/4972 cpy
12.5 cpd/4563 cpy
11.4 cpd/4165 cpy
10.5 cpd/3824 cpy
09.6 cpd/3512 cpy
08.9 cpd/3237 cpy
08.3 cpd/3017 cpy


Until The End of the Friscal Year and the Next Status Report


Since The End of the Last Friscal Year


Since B's D's Founding


Friscal Reports:
Show content

   Next Friscal Report:

Total: An unknown, futuristic XXXXX

Future paragraphs.




   Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 39223

Paragraphs.




   Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38839

Paragraphs.




   Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38634

Paragraphs.




   Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 38240

Paragraphs.




   Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 37484

Paragraphs.




   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A(n) adjective 36501

Paragraphs.




   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A settling, halfsome 34804

As we all know, Bob's Diner has a comment based economy. As comment averages rise, Bob's Diner prospers. When they fall, Bob's Diner slips into a violent depression and has thoughts of suicide. It often cries itself to sleep at night, wondering how it's going to feed its 27 children. So, you can clearly see why the more comments you make, the better off we are and the less I'll hate you.

With that in mind, this year was certainly better than last year, but not nearly as better as the year before the year before last year, which is the best except for the one that was better which was the year before the year before that. Following this trend, we can predict that next year, the year following this year, will be the year that comes after this year. However, as this year is already over, we've already entered into the new year, meaning that this year isn't this year but last year and next year is this year, not the year after this year. So, with this other stuff I just said in mind, I suspect that, since this year is now this year, not next year, the comments will continue steadily trending upward, unless they don't. Realistically speaking though, and following the current data, the comment average will take a two year nose dive into the worst recession we've seen yet before going back up in 14/15.

So, the comments were alright this year. But, why weren't they alrighter? It was likely because of two bannings of members that were previously highly productive commenters: Artsie and Mystin. They will be missed. Not really though. In other news, CEO, international sex superstar, and self-proclaimed CEO, [Mortified Penguin], will be stepping down as manager today and stepping up some stairs. That lead to the manager's office. Where he will be crowned manager. Also, [Nioniel] stole our 'i'.

(This has been a vaguely worded announcement by a guy typing things.)


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: An unsettling, unwholesome 29545

More Obama related mishaps have taken quite a toll on Bob's Diner this year. That, coupled with [53406] as manager, has resulted in 1430 less comments than last year. Which brings the average number of comments for the friscal year to a miserable 7.9 a day and the average for all time down to 13.5 a day. We've determined the cause of the missing 37 comments from 07/08 to be homicide. Police are investigating the contents of Misty's stomach in hopes of finding remains. So far, nothing but rat skeletons and bear feces has turned up.

No new members for the entire year (that I know of. I haven't really checked, I'm just assuming). Likely Misty's fault. In this past friscal year, B's D has apparently become /b/'s D. Our big 'B' will be missed.

For this upcoming friscal year, I will be taking over as manager once more (until it becomes apparent that the numbers will be down, at which point I will hand ownership back to Turkey). I plan to run this Diner the way it was meant to be run... straight into the ground. First off, budget cuts everywhere! No more of this "getting Christmas off to be with family" nonsense. Workers will now work 367 days a year or be fired (at)(with bazookas).

(This has been a public dis-service announcement from CEO and self-proclaimed sexual offender, [Mortified Penguin].)


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: A nice, wholesome 26666.

So, we never did find out what happened to those poor, unfortunate 37 comments. They will be missed. This friscal year, we had a disappointing 4309 comments. The lower number is speculated to be the fault of Obama, the recession, and, of course, Misty. Though it wasn't as good as last year's or the 04/05 year, it's still better than the dismal period from 2005 to 2007. The 08/09 numbers are still a pretty decent accomplishment, considering Elftown's sharp decline in members.

In this passing friscal year, we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') have managed to get a whole bunch of new members and casual visitors... thanks to good ol' fashion spamming. Speaking of meat byproducts, the Diner is now under [53406]'s control once more, meaning that he's the one that should be held responsible for the poor friscal report! ...Get 'im! ...*eats ramen*...

(This has been a public service announcement from ex-CEO and casual rapist, [Mortified Penguin].)


   Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Previous Friscal Report:

Total: 22320 (though it should be 22357!)


This leaves some 37 missing comments. It is Bob's Diner's top priority to find these missing comments and bring them home safely.

Thanks to the brilliant leadership of [Mortified Penguin], Bob's Diner has had it's second best year yet! We nearly doubled those comments from last year and even brought B's D out of it's depression. So remember... support the Ramen Party and Bob's Diner in the next friscal (that's right! friscal!) year... every comment counts. (This has been a public service announcement from CEO, Mortified Penguin.)







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2018-07-13 [Yuriona]: *steps lazily to the right* I think perhaps I would be wise to don my rain gear. It seems to be spitting out. *starts looking for her umbrella and galoshes*

2018-07-14 [Pied Crow]: You're gonna get your Rain gear because it's spitting? Huh, l see, l see...

2018-07-14 [Yuriona]: What do you see?

2018-07-14 [Pied Crow]: Uhhhhhhh..... Something that isn't really there?

2018-07-15 [Nuktae-tal]: Aren't they the cutest!! I see them all the time!!

2018-07-15 [Pied Crow]: Yes, Nuktae-bird! They're such a cute copyrighted alien race!

2018-07-16 [Mortified Penguin]: *bursts in and punts one of the aliens into the idling woodchipper in the kitchen*

Get back to work, this is a place of "business"!! Somebody sweep that wall! And mop that broom! And scrape all those invisible chunks off my woodchipper!! *points angrily at the shiny, pristine woodchipper*

2018-07-16 [Pied Crow]: How many times will you break my bird hearrrrt!?!

2018-07-16 [Mortified Penguin]: Lies! I've broken nothing! *angrily breaks a signed, framed portrait of Godzilla*

2018-07-16 [Pied Crow]: !!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, that probably means it'll be easier to steal. No one'll miss a broken portrait, kehehe.

2018-07-16 [Mortified Penguin]: You'll never get this fake portrait! NEVER! *dives into the woodchipper*

2018-07-17 [Pied Crow]: Huh?! Not so fast!

*turns off the woodchi--*

... How do you turn off a woodchipper?

2018-07-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Just throw it in the woodchipper... AND CLEAN UP THOSE SHREDDED MORT CHUNKS!

2018-07-17 [Pied Crow]: My sensitive bird heart is heavy from these tragedies, but...all right. In there?

*tosses the woodchipper into the woodchi--*

... How do you turn on a woodchipper?!

2018-07-17 [Mortified Penguin]: Just plug it in and turn the throttle from turtle to rabbit to cheetah to cheetah with rocket boosters.

2018-07-17 [Pied Crow]: Well, I can't do it now, I've grown sleepy! Go sustain an endless cycle of woodchipper shredding yourself, this bird's takin' a nap!

2018-07-17 [Pied Crow]: By the way, have I mentioned I'm a bird?

(9h ago) [Mortified Penguin]: Birds don't sleep, they're cold blooded. I don't think you know anything about birds.

(6h ago) [Pied Crow]: Preposterous! You think I don't know anything about my own self?! I know when I've been insulted! I know when I've been insulted!!!

*hops off to address his crow's feet*

(4h ago) [Mortified Penguin]: <img800*0:stuff/aj/92105/1531879600.jpg>

(4h ago) [Mortified Penguin]: Project Wonderful died! There's no more ad space on Elftown for me to spam... :(

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