Page name: The Many Uses of Coffee Tables [Exported view] [RSS]
2009-01-03 18:39:53
# of watchers: 2
Fans: 0
D20: 7
Bookmark and Share


Here Erin [Lost_In_Love] and Cytheria [Just Another Perfect Day] will be discussing the many uses of
Coffee Tables

Use #1:
Not only do we use coffee tables to set our computers on, but we also use the coffee tables on our computers when they're getting on our last nerves.

Use #2:
We buy the coffee tables, they put them together, and then we get upset, annoyed, or decide that we hate them for any number of reasons, and we use the coffee tables on them.

Use #3:
Yes, we, like normal people, also use our coffee tables for such things as drinks. Occassionally we even use them for our coffee.

Use #4:
Sexual encounters
We're sure everybody has wanted to try a new position every now and then... Well, try this one, but you have to use your imagination! Just be carefull so the glass doesn't break!

Use #5:
Suck Ups
There are just some people that really want on your good side, so they tell you what you want to hear, thinking you will like them. Just pull out a coffee table and make it so they can't talk anymore.

Use #6:
Reading Material
Who doesn't cover their coffee tables in magazine, newspapers, books, and tv guides? It's the perfect place, isn't it? Right in front of your television. And right in the middle of your living area. You see, we're remotely normal.

Use #7:
When your toddler decides to hate their highchair, and isn't quite big enough to sit at the dinner table without sitting on phonebooks yet, here's another good use for a coffee table. Just get a step stool, and put a plate of food on the table, and it's perfect while they watch cartoons.

Use #8:
When you and your friends turn up the music and lose yourselves to all those great beats and fun moves, try dancing on your coffee table! Just don't fall off and don't break the glass!

Use #9:
Some people use coffee tables simply as a way to add a bit of flare to their room. For instance, the bear/hippo/iPod coffee tables in the pictures above. They have no use aside from decoration. What other purpose could they possibly have?

Use #10:
People who think their wiki's are better
Some people (you know who you are!) think that their wiki's are better because they have more members..when really, it's not the number of members that matter, it's the number of laughs and ideas people can get from them. So if you come upon one of these people, use a coffee table!

Use #11:
When there is a dying insect, or slow moving one on your floor, desk, best friend, etc... use a coffee table! Ignore the bug guts, no matter how disgusting they may be.

Use #12:
People you need a translator for
If you come across a person that leaves you messages such as this: "anyway how cum ya up this late n wer ya from an wugu2?" Please, we beg of you, use a large coffee table that could possibly knock some sense into them. We cannot understand them, and doubt they can understand themselves.

Use #13:
Posers, now what is the point? Seriously now! Have you ever heard the quote, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not"? Well, go by that, alot of people would like you so much more if you be yourself and not who you think is "cool"! I would really like a coffee table for posers!

Use #14:
People who borrow things and never return them
When somebody borrows my things, I really like to have them returned to me..I mean, why else would it be called "borrowing"? These people really need a coffee table up side the head! They are theives! Grr!

Use #15:
All electronic devices
Everything runs off of batteries, which tend to die, or they are plugged in and you lose electricity. They are not reliable and cause more problems than anything. So, if such an item is getting you down, just pick up a coffee table and use it!

Use #16:
What else do we need to say? When a nasty old man is staring at you from across the room, chuck a coffee table at him!

Use #17:
We hate stalkers! If they really want to know somebody so bad to the point that they follow them everywhere they go, why don't they just walk up to the person and say, "hello, my name is (whatever). I would like to get to know you."? Seriously...if you hate stalkers as much as we do, use a coffee table! "they work wonders" "they should leave you alone after that" :)

Use #18:
What is so friggin' depressing in your life that you feel the need to walk around and make everybody else's life depressing? C'mon now! They make Prozac for that kind of crap! *picks up coffee table*

Use #19:
Can you say "Pain in the a**!"? If I want to get somewhere in a hurry without having to leave an hour early, I don't want to try and get past all of these annoying tourists who have this undying obsession of stopping in the middle of the road to look at the sights...There are a thousand and one parking lots for that. So carrying a spare coffee table in your trunk is great for tourist season!

Use #20:
Loud upstairs neighbors
Is it too much to ask to walk on my cieling quietly? I'm mostly reffering to the upstairs neighbors who work the schedual where they get off at one in the morning...ya, they seriously either need to move to a bottom floor, get a new job, or be extremely aware of flying coffee tables!

Use #21:
Normally, when you hear "Oh, (whoever) cheated on (whoever) and she took a baseball bat to his new car" or visa versa, you think, "that should teach them!"... Well, you see, now that's where coffee tables come in. One of these against (whatever body part you prefer) could really do some damage. After everybody finds out that has happened, you probably have a clear road ahead of you. :)

Use #22:
When somebody stabs you in your back, there is only one thing to do....Smash a coffee table over theirs!

Use #23:
We all secretly want to be them. We want to be able to run around the hospital giving orders and saving lives. But at the end of the day, after one too many visits with these real life superheros, we decide we hate them. They're pushy, they all have a god-complex, (just got random craving for cupcake), and they make you nervous, anxious, and scared. So, next time you go to a doctor's office, be sure to have a coffee table ready so you can hit them in the head and scream "Just tell me what's wrong!"

Use #24:
No, we do not mean the people that sit in court all day and sentence people to death. We mean the sort of people that judge you when they do not know you. For example, people that call you dumb though they don't even know your name. Or people that call you stuck up because you're quiet. People like that deserve a coffee table smashed over their heads.

Use #25:
People who break promises
There are those people out there that promise you something, something that means so much to you that you would be heartbroken if they broke it. And then, when you least expect it, they do. They promise you that they're going to be by your side forever, be your best friend, and then one day they tell you they never want to talk to you again. These people, they are the worst. A coffee table isn't good enough for them, but when it's all you have, use it. And make sure that when you're done, they're not going to be able to break another promise. Better yet, make it to where they aren't able to make anymore...period.

Use #26:
Nosey people
Nosey people drive us insane! You know the ones who always ask you, "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" or "Do you want to make plans sometime?"... Yeah, it's just something about them that deserves a heavy glass table to their head!

Use #27:
Attention Seekers
You know those people that pretend like their whole world is horrible or that they're amazing so they can get attention? For example, girls that pretend to have an eating disorder, people that cut so they can show their friends the scars, people that lie about their abilities so they look cool, or people that do stupid stunts so people will watch them. Perhaps after a few bashings with a coffee table they'll realize how stupid they are!

Use #28:
Have you ever been standing out, watching a parade, and a clown wanders up to you, with a toy monkey, and the clown makes the monkey kiss you? If that ever happens, take out your pocket coffee table and throw it at him! Also, never trust a clown when he says he has a bike in his van!!

Use #29:
Drama Queens
Those girls (and sometimes guys) that are so obsessed with drama and cause it where ever they go, they need a coffee table to the head. Because, really, who wants to deal with all of that pointless drama? Get a life.

Use #30:
The Kool-aid Man
What is up with him? I don't know about you but I would be pretty mad if a huge pitcher of kool-aid crashed into my house! So when he comes around, smash him with your coffee table! After all, he seems to like smashing things anyways right?

Use #31:
When they are not hidden in between the couch cushions or being chewed on by a pet, the coffee table is a wonderful place to put your remotes. (Yes, we think like normal people... sometimes)

Use #32:
When you have an infant in your home, a coffee table is also good for putting bouncer seats, small swings, and other kinds of seats that babies sit in so they are not in the floor...espeacialy if you have pets and/or older kids in the house as well!

Use #33:
If you don't want to sit at a table for some reason while playing a board or card game, coffee tables come in handy. You can set your game up on it and watch movies at the same time. Also, it's a lot better than playing on the floor! (Worded poorly. Oh well...)

Use #34:
People who wake you up at "inconvenient" hours
Some people just don't understand when others need sleep. Everybody goes by a differant schedual...For instance, some people work nights, therefore, they need to sleep during the daytime. Others have things to do during the day, so they have to sleep at night. So if somebody wakes you up for stupid things when you need to sleep, coffee tables will make it so they sleep for a while. (that is, if "sleep" is what you want to call it) Just make sure that you hit them in the right spot. You wouldn't want any charges against you because of a silly thing such as sleep would you?;)

Use #35:
People that don't know "BRB" from "BBL"
It's normal for people, when you're chatting, to say "brb." However, it is terribly annoying when people say "brb" and are gone for an hour and a half. An hour and half constitutes a "bbl"... "Brb" is for, at most, 15 minutes unless the person tells you it may be a while. If one of these sorts of people abandon you, throw a table, hard, in their general direction.

Use #36:
People who make your friends feel crappy!
I seriously hate when people make my friends feel crappy! I mean, when somebody says they are your friend, you trust that. Because you can trust friends right? But when they go and make your REAL friend feel shitty, you just want to use a coffee table in a way that is not and probably will not be mentioned in this wiki! A message to all those people who say they are somebodys friend, and aren't acting like one: GO TO HELL!!!!!! (and seriously watch out for flying tables)

Use #37:
People who start a conversation then stop talking
Why do people start talking to somebody if they have absolutly nothing to say? Seriously! What is a conversation with somebody if nothing is being said? These people deserve a huge coffee table to the head!!!

Use #38:
Fake Best Friends
There are those people, those ones that you are close to and you trust them, you love them, and you do everything for them. You have thousands of memories with them, ranging from ones with happy tears to angry tears. But at the end of the day, you still love them, no matter what. When these people, the ones that claim to be your best friends, turn on you and tell you that they can't deal with you anymore because of your problems, and they refuse to stand beside you, you need to find a coffee table, the biggest, heaviest coffee table in the world. And you need to drop it on their two-faced heads! Multiple times! Until you forget how shitty they have made you feel.

Use #39:
People who moap around saying nothings wrong...
Omg! I can't stand it when somebody walks around clearly implying something is bothering them and has to stress the fact that it's not going to get forgotten about untill they "get it all out", but when you ask them "what's wrong?" they say "nothing"... That has got to be the most annoying thing in the entire world!So, when they finally get on your last nerve, use a damn coffee table! It just may make them feel a little bit better(except the headache that follows, they'll be too worried about that than why they got hit)..worded poorly but who cares?!

Use #40:
People who cause drama and make everyone feel sorry for them...oh! manipulators!
You know those people who cause huge problems with everybody around you because they want the attention? The ones who love to bring unneeded people into the situation to make it all worse? Yeah, these people need a big glass coffee table upside their head. Because really, nobody cares. Or somebody actually cares all too much, you are just making everything harder. So please, go away.

More later.

Username (or number or email):


2007-08-04 [Lost_In_Love]: i like that..."get a life"

2007-08-04 [Just Another Perfect Day]: I would like a life.... I think they sell them in the market.

2007-08-04 [Lost_In_Love]: #31! keyword! "sometimes" haha

2007-08-04 [Just Another Perfect Day]: Only sometimes! ^_^ We're too unique to think like normal people all of the time.

2007-08-04 [Lost_In_Love]: haha! true...very true!

2007-08-05 [Just Another Perfect Day]: Feel free to change #33... it didn't come out right.

2007-08-05 [Lost_In_Love]: No, I like it...looks good to me! :)

2007-08-06 [Just Another Perfect Day]: I don't know what else to add! I = clueless.

2007-08-06 [Lost_In_Love]: HAHA!That's me remember?lol Roadie just gave me one so I'm going to put it up...

2007-08-06 [Lost_In_Love]: Thanks hunny!

2007-08-07 [Just Another Perfect Day]: That would be appropriate if we ever actually slept!! haha

2007-08-07 [Lost_In_Love]: haha! That is soo true!! I'm not the one who came up with it did...but that's okay, I never mentioned in there that "you" or "me" sleep!haha!

2007-08-07 [Lost_In_Love]: so...let's dedicate #34 to Roadie!haha!

2007-08-08 [Just Another Perfect Day]: Thanks for #36.... God knows I feel crappy right now!! and so you do... I've been ranting all night haha

2007-08-08 [Lost_In_Love]: It's not a problem! Ranting is GOOD!!! and it's good that it makes you feel better because i dont know what i would do! *tear*tear*tear* honestly though, if you need to rant, and your tired of hearing(well, seeing) me say "sorry sorry sorry", post it up! its good! :)and still, rant to me but...ill say sorry anyways.haha

2007-08-08 [Just Another Perfect Day]: I can't rant out in the open! Someone might see...

2007-08-08 [Lost_In_Love]: okay...then rant to me! You know I'll listen...well, watch...but you here. :)

2007-08-16 [Lost_In_Love]: hey if you need to talk about the last one, call me or text me okay? love you girl!

2007-08-17 [Just Another Perfect Day]: I love you too cheeseburger!!
I just can't call right now....

2007-09-04 [Lost_In_Love]: wow its been a while since we have added something

2007-11-27 [Lost_In_Love]: Yeah, I got a little bit frustrated (however the hell ya spell that) tonight so I thought I would let out a little rant :D

Number of comments: 40
Older comments: (Last 200) 1 .0.

Show these comments on your site

Elftown - Wiki, forums, community and friendship. Sister-site to Elfwood