[ツ Molly]'s diary

885291  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-12-11
Written: (4605 days ago)

Jonathan



Charles




Flowers









I fucking love you.
841386  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-08-20
Written: (4717 days ago)

Do you have the following in your room(s):
[x] desk
[x] cell phone
[_] chair/stool
[_] bookshelf
[X] dresser
[_] Computer/laptop
[_] bean bag
[X] pictures
[] mirror
[X] bed
[X] clothes on the floor
[_] plastic flamingo (Quoi? o.O)
[_] guitar(s)
[_] lava lamp
[] smoke detector
[_] piano/keyboard
[x] locking door
[_] can of soda
[_] bottle of water
[_] a blacklight
[_] medals/ribbons
[_] trophies
[x] awards
[_] water polo ball
[_] soccer ball
[_] volleyball
[_] basketball
[_] softball stuff
[_] track gear
[_] frisbee
[_] beach ball
[_] football
[_] tennis ball
[_] Hockey stuff
[_] lacrosse stick
[_] gymnastics stuff
[_] dance stuff
[_] cheerleading stuff
[_] horseback riding stuff
[] swim stuff
[X] cd's
[_] Digital Camera
[] sofa/futon/round chair
[] bottles of liquor
[_] flag
[_] stop sign/any sign
[_] caution tape
[_] paintball gun
[_] airsoft gun
[_] Real Gun
[x] Cigarettes
[X] Candles
[X] Books
[_] Nintendo
[_] Playstation 2
[_] Game Cube
[_] X box
[_] bike
[X] Stereo
[x] Lighter
[x] Visine
[_] your mom
[_] Gum
[x] a guy (only friends though)
[X] condoms

835303  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-08-06
Written: (4731 days ago)

"Hold her in your right hand. And guide her safely home. Brush away all the thorns and all the stones. You're my angel without wings. When I was crying you never left my side. When I was dying you never left my side. You're always there for me. You're my angel without wings. Your were always without wings. Without wings."




Thats fucking love.



[<JCF3]
829333  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-07-24
Written: (4744 days ago)
821854  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-07-10
Written: (4759 days ago)
Next in thread: 823758

I Told Myself I wouldn't Miss You.. But I Remember What It Feels Like Beside You.. I really miss your hair in my face..
816151  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-06-28
Written: (4770 days ago)

For just one second I felt whole








Sitting closer to my pain, he knew each tear before they came.






Would I be lying if I told you I didn't miss you? Probably.. Would it matter? Probably not. I think its funny how you don't care.


"As I get older I realize how crazy I really am, I mean who else is like this? I cant even be alone because I'm afraid of what I'll do next."





My tongue dances behind my lips for you
781804  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-04-22
Written: (4838 days ago)

Sometimes I'm selfish fake
You're always a true friend
And I don't deserve you
'Cause I'm not there for you
Please forgive me again

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

Swirling shades of blue
Slow dancing in your eyes
Sun kisses the earth
And I hush my urge to cry, cry

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to
Runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you
I wanna be there for you

'Cause I hear the whispered words
Within your masterpiece beautiful
You speak the unspeakable through
I love you too

I wanna be there for you
Someone you can come to

I wanna be there for you
And be someone you can come to
The love runs deeper than my bones
I wanna be there for you

781803  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-04-22
Written: (4838 days ago)

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you owe me
All I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

759617  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-03-07
Written: (4884 days ago)
Next in thread: 760095

Well if anyone is wondering why I left elftown, the answer is, this place sucks. No one even talks to me anymore, not that I didn't expect it, but why be on a website if no one wants to talk to you anyway? I dunno. I have yahoo and aim for those who would like to keep in touch with me, but for everyone else, if you really wanted to talk to me, you should have done it a long time ago.

I will probably be back to check messages, or to fuck around with pictures because most of mine are uploaded to this site, but other than that, I probably wont be around anymore. No offence, but I just don't feel the need to be here anymore.

Anyway, to all my friends, I still love you, just figure out a different way to talk to me.

Kurt, I love you to death, and I'm sorry we've been arguing lately.. :\

758940  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-03-06
Written: (4885 days ago)

Hasn't anyone told you I'd die for you?








Act like I exist, before I don't anymore.
755743  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2006-02-28
Written: (4891 days ago)

The first time i saw you i thought that i would just make another,and then i realized that in life you were just another mirror.

[The first words you spoke were the ones that I vaguely remember]

But tied in a knot all the times that we haven't spent together

And is it your face that's got you down?

Or is it your mind when no one's around?


thinking thoughts of a suicide
723678  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-12-30
Written: (4951 days ago)
Next in thread: 723691

Because for Me, it's always been You.. [Always..] And I've tried to fight it, I've tried to deny it.. But I can't. [You're undeniable.]







I love you Kurtiss.
722511  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-12-28
Written: (4953 days ago)

R.I.P. Mitchell David Ostry







I dont even know what to say.. Thats two fucking people, in two fucking days...Supposedly death comes in three's.. I wonder who is next..


You will always be loved and remembered man..<3
1988-2005
722023  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-12-27
Written: (4954 days ago)

R.I.P. Aaron Lewis


Wow thats fucking retarded..


Nice how no one seems to give a fuck -.-



...Bleh..Fuck off..
717719  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-12-19
Written: (4962 days ago)

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the *guy*
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
[The best I ever had..]

705980  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-11-28
Written: (4983 days ago)
Next in thread: 706714, 708377

Dude I've literally just beat death by an [inch..]


I was on my way to Omaha to pick up some munchies for my family, and this big metal pointy triangular object came unhitched from the back of a truck. It was raining so hard I literally couldnt see out in front of my car, and suddenly I see this big object flying twards the driver side of my car.. Right at me.. I swerved over to the right real fast and missed it.. Literally by a fucking inch..


The triangular object then proceeded to SLAM into the front of the car behind me, on the driver side, making them slam on the breaks, causing 4 other cars to slam into the back of them.. That could have been me and my sister..

[Holy fucking shit!]


701040  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-11-19
Written: (4992 days ago)

I can't seem to find any way to put into words how I feel, except song quotes.. So here we go..


"Cold silence has a tendency
To atrophy any sense of [compassion..]
Between supposed lovers"

"I need you to feel this,
I can't stand to burn too long.
Released in this sodomy.
For one sweet moment I am whole.
Do unto you now what has been done to me.
You're breathing so I guess you're still alive"

"Oh, he made my blood just burn
I flipped so far
I thought that I would not return
But the last one I had
Who was getting my hopes up
I might have been a little fast to dismiss
I think he let me down when he didn't disappoint me
He didn't always guess right but he usually got my gist"

"Here’s another speech you wish I’d swallow
Another cue for you to fold your ears
Another train of thought too hard to follow
Chugging along to the song that belongs to the shifting of gears
Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive for my distance
The shame is manifest in my resistance
To your love, to your love, to your love
I would’ve warned you, but really, what’s the point?
Caution could but rarely ever helps
Don’t be down when my demeanor tends to disappoint
It’s hard enough even trying to be civil to myself
Please forgive me for my distance"

"I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind
Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and i'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and i'm devastated"

"For a long time I was in love
Not only in love I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn't work out, I'm covered in shells
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife"

"Our memories
They can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me 'cause it hurts"

Yea theres alot more.. But I'm lazy and I dont feel like searching anymore..







689337  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-10-29
Written: (5013 days ago)
Next in thread: 689688

Its funny how [nothing seems to last]


..Yea so it's actually over.. Ask me how I feel, I dare you.. Why doesn't this feel right?..Am I just used to having someone love me at all times, or does life really just [suck fat dick?]..

Dr. appointment on Wednsday.. -Sighs- Once again, I have to go through it alone.. I wish someone would just take the pain away.. I would literally kill for one really GOOD day..



And don't bother to tell me "you deserve better", and "you'll find someone else".. If I deserved anything at all, I would be happy.. I would have you next to me, telling me everything is alright..

Well, my friends, nothing is alright, and I have the feeling it wont be "alright" for a long time..


Thank you for abandoning me at a [time like this..] I certainly love you.

</3
689333  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-10-29
Written: (5013 days ago)

Leave a message on your phone Just to find out your not home
Keeping up with you is something I could never do
And I know somethings wrong cause you've been gone to long
a fucking waste of my time is all that you've become
If I can't be the *girl* That you always wanted me to be
If I can't say the words That you always wanted me to say
If I fall in the end Will you be holding onto to me?
Cause you said you'd [never leave me]
The choice is up to you To find out what to do
[To let it go] or to keep *kicking me to the side*
Getting tired of your shit and I can't deal with it..
I gave up giving in and now its time to say ["goodbye"]..


</3

680527  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-10-12
Written: (5030 days ago)

I am utterly miserable.. The doctor visit was more than I was ready to handle.. I don't know what to do except wait for the lab results, which by the way I had to take today.. I got blood drawn from me 5 times within 2 hours, had to drink gluclose (whatever) and sit around watching some queer movie.. My arms are so sore, and bruised, and I am in so much pain.. And you arent even here to help me..

I am so not trying to sound all like boohoo woe is me, have sympathy on me cuz im sick as fuck.. But dude.. Goddamn.. When is it gonna be my break? How much can one person handle?..

Anyway, if anyone wonders why I am suddenly different, or not online much anymore, is because I have just experienced a giant slap in the face reality check, and if the only person I need to be here for me right now, doesnt have the time to be here, then I guess I'm on my own..

676160  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-10-04
Written: (5038 days ago)
Next in thread: 676662

Its 3 o'clock in the fucking morning, and I can't sleep.. Wow. This is totally fucking gay. I miss Kurt♥..I wish we talked more... We talk like..Well recently more often, but like once a week.. It sucks so bad.. There is so much I want to say to him when hes not here, but once he comes online, I'm like at a loss for words.. [It sucks dick.]

Today I went to the doctor, and I was scared out of my mind.. Wow it blew.. Now I have to go to a different doctor on the 10th (which is the day my sister was going to be enduced but I told her she couldn't because I had a doctors appt. so she agreed :D) Blah blah.. Yea so I cant believe my sister is going to have another baby next week sometime.. That is so cool! [♥!] Grace Marie Fendrich (i have no idea if i spelt that right haha)

My back kind of hurts.. Yup that sucks.. I got muscle relaxers but they arent that cool.. No fun side effects.. Bummer Oh well.. Whatever works I suppose..

oOoOo I had subway today, that made me happy.. And I also fell in love with this lotion called Love Spell.. I dunno it smells awesome and it has [sparklies!] woot! I just watched Dodge Ball.. That movie has like 2 funny parts.. Lol..

Yea well I need a cigarette... Sooo Im gonna go smoke one, and hopefully get some sleep.

Love ya []
Molly






I fucking love you Kurtiss.

 The logged in version 

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