[~noctis lingua~]'s diary

1125004  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2010-10-21
Written: (3194 days ago)

I got the urge to fill out more surveys today, as I usually do, and I chose to fill out the "life soundtrack" kind. I searched for the survey I was thinking of, and as I was filling it out for the sixth time out of boredom, I realized I had never seen any "life soundtrack" survey that didn't sound like it had come from some boring romantic comedy or something. So...I decided to make the "Life Soundtrack version Action Movie." I also took the liberty of filling it out myself to test it. It works the same as all the other "life soundtrack" surveys. You just put your mp3 player on shuffle, and fill in the answers with whatever songs come up. Just for shits and giggles, I'll post the results of the romantic ones at the end, too.

Life Soundtrack Survey version Action Movie

Opening Credits: My Last Breath - Evanescence
Just Your Average Citizen: Make A Star - Dope Stars Inc.
First Conflict: I Hope You Die - Bloodhound Gang
Bad Guys: Draculz Bluthochzeit - E Nomine
Training: Himmle und Holle - E Nomine
Fire fight!: The USS Make Shit Up - Voltaire
Defeated This Time: Go All The Way (Into the Twilight) - Twilight Soundtrack
Training Some More: The Revenant Choir - Versailles
Fateful Encounter: Merlin - Infected Mushroom
Saving the Hostage(the Hot Chick): For the Heart I Once Had - Nightwish
Kick Some Ass: Ready Steady Go - L'Arc~en~Ciel
Hot Chick Can Use A Gun Too: Bidibodi Bidibu - Bubbles
Bad Guys Are Defeated: The Emo Kid Song - Adam and Andrew
Epic Explosion: This One's For The Haters - The Bangkok Five
Closing Credits: Saku - Dir en Grey

My music was never meant for a romantic comedy. Here are the rest of them, and I'm putting them in really small print, since I did the same survey six times...

Opening Credits: Cruel - Tori Amos, Pretty Women - Sweeney Todd, Silly God Disco - Gazette, Expectations - Juno Soundtrack, Ya Soshla S Uma - t.a.T.u, Get It All - Talamasca

Waking Up: From Yesterday - 30STM, Cancer - Talamasca, Fallen Leaves - Billy Talent, Kuretto Karuma Serenade - Hellsing, Kogitsune Youkai Shippou - Inuyasha, My Friends - Sweeney Todd

Average Day: Tres Bien na Ore ni Dakare - Hetalia, Whoever Brings The Night - Nightwish, Gaston - Beauty and the Beast, Special K - Placebo, Going Under - Evanescence, Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again - Phantom of the Opera

First Date: Abura Kadabura - Gravitation, Feathery Wings - Voltaire, Wrong Number - DBSK, Passion's Killing Floor - HIM, Loser - Three Doors Down, Grandfather - Stephen Lynch

Falling in Love: Clavar la Espada - Bleach, Haiyani Spain - Maximum the Hormone, The Story - 30STM, Every Heart - BoA, No One Mourns the Wicked - Wicked Soundtrack, The Real Folk Blues - Mai Yamane with SEATBELTS

Love Scene: Maquina de Juerga - The Bangkok Five, Passion Eternite - Charles de Goal, I'm Sorry - Voltaire, Discharge - Gazette, Masquerade - Phantom of the Opera, Endlessly, She Said - AFI

Fight Scene: Revenga - System of a Down, Paralyzer - Finger Eleven, German Anthem - Hetalia, Sweet Sacrifice - Evanescence, Nichi Noizuru Kuni Jipangu - Hetalia, Hatred Guy of Sinfulness - Hellsing

Breaking Up: Cassis - Gazette, Come Clean - Hilary Duff, Decadence - Charles de Goal, D&D - Stephen Lynch, Rainbow Veins - Owl City, The End - Gazette

Getting Back Together: My Rollercoaster - Juno Soundtrack, D.L.N. - Gazette, Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Twilight Soundtrack, Caramelldansen (Speedycake Remix) - Caramell, I'm Overdriven - Dope Stars Inc., Boum Boum - Enigma

Secret Love: Monochrome Effect - Perfume, Everybody's Fool - Evanescence, Eva - Nightwish, Wolfen - E Nomine, Science Show - Bleach, Hyperlink (Deep Down) - Eiffel 65

Life's Okay: Attack - 30STM, Chase of Highway - FF7:AC, Yakusoku wa Iranai - Escaflowne, Advice - Pillows, Metamorphoze - Gackt, Superstar - Juno Soundtrack

Mental Breakdown: Aries - Talamasca, Heart of Sword - DBZ, Magic Melody - DHT, Redemption - Gackt, Cloud vs. Kadaj - FF7:AC, Bakusou Yume Uta - Diggy-MO

Driving: Fukai Mori - Do As Infinity, Fast and Beautiful - Dope Stars Inc., Extacy - Infected Mushroom, Poker Face - Lady GaGa, Send Me An Angel - Zeromancer, Sleepy Head - Pillows

Learning a Lesson: Shindemo Boogie-Woogie - Miyavi, Blind Game Again - Gravitation, Yesterday - The Beatles, (and it appears that from the fourth entry on, I forgot to include this one as well as 'deep thought'.)

Deep Thought: Reila - Gazette, The Devil's Trill - Itzahk Perlman, Glaring Dream - Gravitation

Flashback: Mata Ashita - Ouran High School Host Club, Stalker Goes To Babylon - Pillows, Marukaite Chikyuu - Hetalia, Come On - Talamasca, Help! - The Beatles, Angels - Within Temptation

Partying: Gadalka - Vitas, Machiavellism - Dir en Grey, Tentative - System of a Down, The Bird and the Worm - The Used, Stalker - Pillows, I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry

Happy Dance: Victoriam Speramus - Krypteria, Filth in the Beauty - Gazette, Precious Rose - Gundam Seed, Honor To Us All - Mulan, Too Much of Heaven - Eiffel 65, Shippuu no Gotoku - Inuyasha

Regretting: Self Inflicted - Katy Perry, Hoshi no Suna - Gackt, Hey Jimmy - Peacemaker, Dress - BUCK-TICK, Dead Tree - Dir en Grey, Garbage - Dir en Grey

Long Night Alone: Gay Boyfriend - The Hazzards, Beast of Blood - Malice Mizer, Dozing Green - Dir en Grey, Grosser Bruder - Zlatko & Jurgen, So Happy I Could Die - Lady GaGa, Those Who Fight Further - FF7:AC

Death Scene: Dance in the Dark - Lady GaGa, Headless Waltz - Voltaire, Bran-New Lovesong - Pillows, Futatsu no Kao Suikotsu - Inuyasha, Sleepwalking Past Hope - HIM, The Final - Dir en Grey

Closing Credits: Polka Power - Weird Al Yankovic, Bird - Gravitation, Sa Bir - Dir en Grey, The Delicious Tomato Song - Hetalia, My Will - dream, Shuichi's Theme - Gravitation


Ah, boredom is a bad thing. I love surveys, though.

1094671  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2009-09-17
Written: (3593 days ago)
Next in thread: 1094700, 1094761, 1094899

Alright...so...I'm having trouble deciding what I should be for Halloween. What do you all think? By the way, this won't work if no one comments, so comment if you read this, please.

Should I be...?

Mrs. Lovett (Sweeney Todd)

An Immortal (No, not the kind from 300. I'm talking about what everyone else calls vampires.)

A pirate (a really sexy one)

Or something else. If you pick something else, give me suggestions.

I know, this would be better suited to a poll, but I don't feel like making a poll. I want to make you all read. *laughs* But please, tell me what you think, I really don't know what to dress up as.

1086771  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-07-15
Written: (3658 days ago)

So...on a much lighter note than my last diary entry only a couple of hours ago, I have decided to make my own survey. You know, one of those random ones made to waste time? This one is very random, I assure you. I wrote the questions from whatever happened to pop into my head, though I tried to make them questions that one does not usually find on these surveys. Fill it out if you want to, and I'm not going to tag anyone, or anything like that. Breaking the mold! *le gasp* And just for the hell of it, I'm filling it out myself.

A Random Survey Made By Lily


1. If you had a cat, what would you name it? If you already have a cat, what is its name?
I currently have a cat named Absinthe. The cat before her was named Joe. Before him was Melosh. Before her was Penny, and she was a horrible cat. If I got another cat, I would name it Yoruichi.

2. Are you easily controlled or influenced by those around you?
Not generally. It depends on the person, definitely. If I want to be controlled by that person, I allow myself to be. In a sense, I am not really being controlled because I am choosing to do so. It's a strange way to look at things.

3. Do you have a cell phone?
Yes. And I do not text like, "omg, wats up? did u tak him 2 da bar|?"

4. Have you ever hand-written a letter to someone other than Santa Claus?
I think I must have written to everyone except Santa Claus. No, wait, I wrote to him to.

5. Have you ever drawn a picture of a tree?
Indeed. I draw trees and eyes when I can't think of anything else to draw.

6. Have you ever visited a foreign country?
Oh, how I wish.

7. Is there someone very dear to your heart?
Yes, there is. There are several, but one is closest.

8. What is your favorite sound?
I like the little sound the Mahjong tile matching game makes when you make a correct match.

9. What is your favorite hair color on other people? On yourself?
The trend points to blonde on other people, but I am usually quite satisfied with whatever their hair color happens to be. Sometimes it suits them especially well. My favorite hair color on me is auburn because I like the way it makes me look.

10. Marry, shag, throw off a cliff?
Marry Steve, shag Wendy, throw Melissa off a cliff.

11. Do you believe in the fair folk of the hills, mountains, and woods? (faeries and elves)
Aye.

12. Have you ever kept a real diary, on paper and everything?
Several. My newest diary is my favorite so far. It's leather-bound and gold leafed. I love it to death.

13. Can you draw?
Obviously, if I draw trees in my spare time, I draw.

14. What is your star sign?
I'm a Leo-Virgo, born on the cusp and very accurately described by both Zodiac signs.

15. What's your favorite foreign language to hear spoken?
That is an insanely hard question for me to answer. Why did I put that in my survey? It's a toss up between French, Japanese, and Russian.

16. What is the strangest thing you have ever put in your mouth?
A little blue rubber octopus. It was a pencil topper from a vending machine, but I discovered that I could make it suction to the inside of my mouth. I was very entertained for a couple of hours.

17. Do you act your age?
I would hope that I act beyond it, but I don't think I am too serious to have fun.

18. This is a timeless classic. What's your favorite color? Why?
Black. And it is my favorite color because it goes with everything, I look good in it, and it has many meanings. Also, it's not really a color.

19. Do you wear belts as accessories, or to hold your pants up?
Both.

20. Would you want your dresses to have pockets?
I think all dresses should have pockets.

21. Does your stuff actually fit in your purse? (Guys, feel free to answer sarcastically)
I recently bought a new purse so that my stuff would fit in it, and it still doesn't.

22. Ti tallb orch!
How about not?

23. Favorite musical artist?
Dir en Grey...?

24. Can you rollerskate?
Yeah, but I haven't for a very long time.

25. This is the last question. Do you generally attire yourself in the fashion of the masses, or do you create your own style?
A little of both. I enjoy some of the current fashions, but I choose to make the new fashions my own rather than wear them exactly as they are supposed to be worn. I love my new skinny jeans, though!

~

1086767  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2009-07-15
Written: (3658 days ago)

I do not often write in my journal here, but I do not often feel the need. I have a journal that I keep in writing, and I very often post these types of entries on DeviantArt instead. I suppose it is because it seems more private there.

Then again, publishing my thoughts and feelings on the internet is a stupid thing to do when I should ask for privacy, no?

In any case, I'm not sure how many of my friends here care, since not many of you are close enough to have any reason to care (and I mean physically, of course), but this Saturday I shall be moving to my mom's. I am at her house right now, but I am here because my grandma was my only ride out here and she has to go to a rehearsal dinner for my uncle's wedding tomorrow. The wedding is on Friday, and I am helping cut the cake at the reception. I am excited for it, and it should be a happy occassion. He has found a woman that he loves, and she is a great lady.

But I am sad about this move. Terribly troubled by it, as I have been troubled by very few things in the past. The last time I felt this way was when I chose to stay at my dad's house instead of moving to Nebraska with my mom (look what happened, I'm moving to Nebraska to live with my mom anyway). Though, if I had chosen to move the first time, I would have left my friends behind, and I probably would have never met a certain wonderful boy. The choice I had to make this time was to accept the help being given me, or forfeit all help completely. I chose the help, of course, because it would have been stupid not to. But I feel as though I have given up a little of my freedom in the process. I finally felt as though I was going to be treated like an adult, allowed to face hardships that might have caused me great pains, but would have given me the chance to overcome them as well. Now I shall no very few hardships, but for the emotional stress I shall endure at the hands of my mother's boyfriend. He's an ass, and we butt heads very much.

To all of my friends, and especially you my father, I am very sorry to have been gone, but I had more things that needed packing than I first thought, and my last days at work had strange hours. I am done with working for the moment, but it will be soon that I must find a new job. I will not be allowed to live here if I do not have a job. I do not have to pay rent, but it is a condition that has been set. Lots of love.

~Lily~

1059811  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2008-12-22
Written: (3863 days ago)

Well, I guessed I'm supposed to do this too, not that I don't enjoy this sort of thing once in a while...

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you!

1) My favorite thing in the world to drink is Coca-Cola.

2) I like the smells of gasoline, fingernail polish, and cigarette smoke. I'm sure my lungs don't, though.

3) I'm getting green contact lenses today.

4) People think I'm crazy for keeping a dictionary and thesaurus near me almost all the time.

5) I like to learn different languages, though I have yet to completely learn one.

6) Somehow, I like the color green. (I used to hate it...)

7) If I could have a poster of Carlisle Cullen instead of Edward, I would be happy.

8) I love my Christmas presents that I have received so far.

9) I absolutely hate being talked over (I mean this in a literal, physical sense).

10) I like lighters and knives, but not for any particular reason.

11) I'm reading too many books at once. I do that a lot.

12) I can't play the violin worth anything, but I wish I could.

13) Noise isolating ear buds are my best friends.

14) I like to take pictures of myself when I get really bored.

15) Ancient history is fascinating to me.

16) I like being cold because being hot makes me nauseous.

Okay, I don't think anyone that knows me didn't already know these things. And I'm not tagging anyone because I feel lazy. ^-^

1050573  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2008-10-16
Written: (3929 days ago)

So, I haven't written anything in ages. I'm sure you're all dying to hear from me (please, control your laughter). This is somewhat of a rant, because that's the mood I'm feeling today. This is something that I've just said to a friend of mine:

I'm so fucking sick of high school. The drama, the useless things being packed into our brains, the sense of entrapment, the lack of independence, the lack of individuality. I'm sick of it all.

Basically, I'm ready to be my own person, and I feel this keenly, but I'm stuck in my place by the rules that society and systems have put in place because of generalizations. "You're not old enough to make decisions by yourself. You're just a kid." Well, I know a good many adults that don't have any damn business making decisions that could alter someone's life. Why do I even go to school anymore? To get a good grade, and then go to more school? Good, fine, whatever. It's all just to make a little money and then die anyway. You can't take your money with you when you die, and you can't take anything you learn either. Because all of those things you learned? They're in your brain. And what happens to your brain when you die? It rots.

Don't mind me. I'm just having a little breakdown over here. I've been long overdue for one.

Why is it that people feel compelled to project their drama onto the lives of others? People are all interconnected with each other. It all just flows and spreads over everything, poisoning and killing and destroying. What ever happened to solving problems peaceably? Doesn't anyone talk anymore? We're far too advanced for our own good. If we had less buttons, less weapons, less distractions, perhaps put forth more effort in being socially adept people. People can hardly talk to each other anymore without starting an argument or a fight or a war. And even less people can read. No one can learn from past mistakes if they can't decipher them.

The human race is doomed. We're putting ourselves in the ground. There's no more logic, no more reason, no more coherent and measured thought, no more love. We're going to bomb ourselves into the ground, and then who will be left to learn from our mistakes? No one. And then what happens? Why, it starts all over again. That is, unless God can read, or perhaps use whatever he might have for eyes. Then he won't make the mistake of the human race again. Who would?

1045776  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2008-09-17
Written: (3959 days ago)

Yet again, it has been forever since I've put anything in my diary. This isn't anything all that important, but it's fun. A friend sent it to me in an e-mail and I don't really like to forward and reply to e-mails like that. So, Misa-chan, look at it here if you want. Everyone else, look if you want to anyway.

Two names you go by:
1. Ashlee
2. Lily

Two things you're wearing right now:
1. Bangkok 5 T-shirt
2. jeans

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. A nap
2. Inspiration or motivation, I'm good with either.

Two things you did last night:
1. Wrestled my cat
2. Put off my homework (but somehow I'm still getting awesome grades...)

Two things you had to eat today:
1. Starburst
2. Enchiladas

Two people you last talked to:
1. Alistaire
2. Paden

Two things I did today:
1. Went to school
2. Filled out an ACT registration packet

Two longest car rides:
1. To Pennsylvania
2. To Montana

Two favorite beverages:
1. Coke
2. Green Tea (because it would have sounded weird and poser-ish if I said blood)

984430  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2007-10-17
Written: (4294 days ago)

I haven't written a diary entry in quite a while, but this stereotype list is something I wouldn't mind posting for people to see. You don't have to repost this if you don't want to. It's completely up to you people. The things in bold are the things that apply to me.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I'm JAMAICAN, so I must smoke weed.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I take ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a stuck up whore.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big penis.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR DIFFERENT COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I HAVE BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool.

I have GERMAN HERITAGE, so I MUST be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.

I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon and fried chicken.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I dont like the SUN, so I MUST be albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

There are alot of people I wish could see this list. Stereotyping is wrong and offensive. As you read through these things, if you come across one and say that it is true, maybe you should reconsider how you look at people.

949747  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-06-19
Written: (4414 days ago)

Mon dieu, my last entry was weird (random French, wtf? o.O). I was being all obsessive and strange. Seriously, the way I was writing is making me raise an eyebrow. I know I write like that when I let my emotions get the better of me. When I get paranoid or...obsessive. If anyone ever gets creeped out by my entries like that (are there any besides that last one...?), I apologize. I try not to get like that. *sighs* But, what can I do? I cannot deny that I have the emotions of a human being.

This was a random diary entry. Completely. And now to finish it with a random thought. Why on earth do so many people keep calling my house?! It's maddening! >.<

901846  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2007-01-23
Written: (4562 days ago)

I'm writing another entry, I guess. I don't usually have anything to say. But I suppose what I want to say is that if I have offended anyone on here (inadvertantly I mean, because I've offended people on purpose before), then I apologize. I am disgusted with myself right now and I feel like I have already offended someone I have just met. I want to send him a message to tell him I am sorry for acting the way I have already, but it will only make me seem more obsessed and I don't want that. I won't mention names. I hardly expect him to read this because he is not on my friend list and I doubt if he actually takes any interest in me. Honestly, I feel like I have deceived myself and I think I have tried so hard not to sound like a mindless fangirl, I have made a complete loop and damned myself to such a fate. Damned myself? That was a bit harsh, I suppose. I am not yet damned. Do I wish that I was? In a way, yes...

Do I believe whole-heartedly that the person I spoke of only a moment ago is who he says he is? Yes. Of course, the only reason I have to doubt it is my own cynicism. I want forgiveness for my impertinence and my hasty babble and random conversation. I wish I could take back some of the things I have typed because I feel emabarrassed about them. But I can't take them back and I have to live with that embarrassment now. I won't let it ruin me. All I can do is hope that I may earn forgiveness from someone who, in my opinion, has right to judge me. He knows very much, in all his years, and I know so very little.

I wish I could stop myself before I get onto these stupid, selfish, starstruck babbles. But then again, I could always erase everything on this form and it would never reach the net. But I suppose that I cannot stop myself from being who I am: an uninteresting, sometimes rude, slightly obsessive 15-year-old girl. I cannot deny that I am such.

I almost find myself wishing that he won't read this because I feel like a stalker. My sophistication, or what little I may have had, has more or less disappeared with a fascination for someone that I am talking to on an internet community. This is disgusting. I think I want to throw up. I'm choking on my obsessiveness. I am utterly hopeless.

If I died, I know people around me would care. But do I even feel for myself? Cold detachment from my own skin...

901785  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2007-01-22
Written: (4562 days ago)

Hmmm...I don't write in here often, do I? I'm wondering where all my inspiration is going at the moment. I can't write anything worth writing. Trust me, when you write poems randomly in free verse when they come to you, it's hard to write a good poem. Rhyme and meter is even harder. I suppose that means it's a good thing I don't give a damn about rhyme? Meter still concerns me. Listen to me, ranting about poetry terms as if they were my best friend's mental disorders or something. Ah, that brings me to another concern of mine. Where did my humor go? Why isn't anything making me laugh? Why can't I make anyone else laugh? The last time I made anyone laugh was last Friday when about 4 of my friends were over. I was sitting here, at my computer, and I was googling something, I think. Oh yes, it was images from Interview with the Vampire. I was already flustered because of the use of Antonio Banderas for the role of Armand. And then, my friend Josh, who was standing behind me, purposefully mispronounced the name Lestat. This already gets on my nerves when they say it wrong in the movie 'Queen of the Damned', but this was the most horrible, blatant slaughter of the name I have ever heard. But I made my friends laugh because I scared Josh. I turned around faster than I thought I had the reflexes to do and gave him what he called the 'death glare from hell'. He backed up so fast he knocked over one of the dining room chairs and cowered for a few seconds. I never knew I had the power to scare people so badly. Actually, it felt good. I don't scare people often...

720924  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-12-24
Written: (4957 days ago)

Well, I suppose now is as good a time as any to write a diary entry. Christmas vacation started Thursday and right now I have no clue where my parents are. Seriously. They aren't here and I'm not going to go downstairs to see if Mom's car is gone. I'm assuming it is because both of Dad's vehicles are still here. They'll come back eventually, I guess. I was thinking about laying down on the couch so I think I might...

Thursday night I spent the night at my girlfriend's house. Her cats were trying to eat a mouse that was in the house so we caught it in a Suncoast bag and put it in a Rubbermaid container. It's just the cutest thing. It's still kind of a baby so it's rather small and he's so cute because he'll let you pet him and he won't bite you. We named him Tuffy. That was the original name of the littler mouse on Tom & Jerry. You know, the one that follows Jerry around? I think he's grey. Yeah that's it.

I think I'll write again after Christmas. I want to write about what I got for Christmas and what I liked best...

631840  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-07-25
Written: (5109 days ago)

Wow. I guess it's been a really long time since I last wrote anything here. Well, since I've been away from here, I have become a deviant on deviantART and I have come to the conclusion that my friends know me too well. Instead of 1 e-mail address, I now have 3, and I have an unhealthy obsession with the Shichinintai of Inuyasha. Though for the people that don't do their research before-hand, that would be the name of the Band of Seven in Japanese. My obsession mostly centers around Jakotsu and Bankotsu because Bankotsu is so incredibly kawaii ^-^ and Jakotsu just kicks ass. Anyway, next weekend, my mom is being so kind as to take me and 2 of my friends all the way out to Council Bluffs and Omaha to go to the malls! I say 'malls' instead of mall because we have to go to 2 for what we require. We absolutely must go to Hot Topic so that means we are going to the Mall of the Bluffs. But we must also go to Suncoast because we all neeeeed anime and manga. So this means we have to go to the Crossroads mall in Omaha. Mom is going to have hell. But the bright side for her is that she's going to call one of her friends and they're going to hang out so we all get to ditch each other ^-^.

Also, if anyone is interested, check out my deviantART gallery and tell me what you think. I'm AngstyChibiHiei so to get straight to my page type in http://angstychibihiei.deviantart.com and that should be easier ^-^. Ja ne!

382987  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-10-17
Written: (5389 days ago)

I am very bored today. I woke up at 11 and I want someone to talk to. Anybody! Talk to me please! Bye....

348593  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-09-11
Written: (5426 days ago)

Once again, I'm really bored. But this time, I want people to messege me and tell me what they think of this depressing poetic paragraph:

A single raven feather in her lily-white fingers as she looks on into the dark. The innocence gone from her dark black eyes and she weaves thoughts of sadness and madness into her memories. She loves no more, her heart a tangled sticky web. Streams of tears roll down her face as she looks into the abyss of her sadness.

Just messege me and tell me what you think of it. I have more if you would like me to post them. Bye bye! ^.^

348586  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-09-11
Written: (5426 days ago)

I know I already wrote something for today but I'n really bored. If there is anybody out there that is an Inuyasha fan or even watches anime, please send me a messege! I don't care how randome you people are, I just want to talk to someone really...

348581  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-09-11
Written: (5426 days ago)

Ummm...I have a message from Chris, my online boyfriend: Today is the anniversary of September 11 and the attacks on the twin towers. Please show your appriciation for the men and women who died to save those who lived after the crash. Show your appriciation by placing a heart in front of your msn name (if you have msn) on this day. Arigato! ^.^

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