[Lizisthebest]'s diary

843671  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-08-24
Written: (4683 days ago)
Next in thread: 848643, 867343, 883127, 883251, 896344

FUCK you try and finally have a good normal life like you thought you could but I guess thats not gunna happen

I dunno maybe I'm not fit for this world
I find the one girl I actually love, and now she doesnt even trust me thinking i played her
I dunno maybe I should just say goodbye

779990  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-04-19
Written: (4810 days ago)

what to do i cant figure it out
to be like him, and go for both
or be like me, and stay with one
but which one
and im changing
i cant stand the new me
my life hasn't been the same lately, ive changed i must admit that,
im just trying to cover other peoples eyes from it
I hate myself, the new me, the old me was just odd, the new me is hated competely
sure i can do things that i never thought i would
but its not me
im just doing it because i can
not because i want to actually do something from then on
i dont know what to do
i cant figure it out
i should be my old self
but can i really go back and even have a chance
they didn't even notice me before
and more then likely ill just end up back this way again, ill just prolong it
i dont want to do any of this
i like them both
but not enough
i shouldn't be trying for that
but i can have it
what am i doing
what the fuck am i doing
i dont konw what to do, someone please help me
i cant figure it out
but no one can help me
only i can help me
and im not doing a very good job at that
maybe i should just go and be the new me
be someone who gets what i want for a bit
and slowly is hated by everyone
instead of never getting what i want and just taking wut i get not saying anything
but that way everyone likes me

so what is it
be a pushover
or be a
im not even going to say that word
i hate my brother for it
im not going to be like him
but i cant stand being a pushover anymore
so who knows maybe in two days everyone wil be saying im PMSing again, no fuck taht shit, i dont PMS i just take so much of all of you ppeoples shit that i cant take it anymore, so fruck that lets find out who im going to end up being

762414  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-03-13
Written: (4847 days ago)
Next in thread: 763836

I want it
i want it so bad
but I cant
its just something that I cant do
I promised that I wouldnt
I'd let it pass
I wouldn't do this to myself
But FUCK!!!
I love it
I want it
more then anything in the world
and i must not, i can't
everything will be ruined if I do
but maybe everything will be good, forever and ever
yea right

I hate this fucking world it torments me every chance it gets.

750401  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2006-02-18
Written: (4869 days ago)

last night was the best night ever....it was gay, i went to a concert that was all christian (Blah!) but my friends dragged me there so it was alright, i didn't really pay attention to the god part....then i went home, to hang out with some friend, and a guy came over that i hate, but he thought he was invited and im to damn kind hearted to kick him out....but i was also hanging out with jenny and kendall...and jenny wasn't really talking, and kendall seemed, pissed off.

then later on during the night, we walked everyone home, and then kendall came back to my place to wait for a ride...to find out that she dropped her cell phone somewhere, so we went out looked for it, in the freezing cold and eventually found it. once we came back to my house again, we sat on my bed in the dark(not doing anything), and just sat there, cuddled up.

i know its stupid, but it was the best night i have had in a seriously long time, im still happy about it

728934  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-01-08
Written: (4911 days ago)

If I curled up into a ball
as I slowly died away
would anybody notice
would anyone have anything to say?

717209  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-12-18
Written: (4932 days ago)

Have you ever been thinking about something
then have your whole mind go blank
have the image in you head to white
and vanish away

wanting the image back you think hard
only to have several images flood your mind
coming in with incredible speed
until your whole mind if black

switching back inbetween the two
not being able to think of one thing
not having the image that you so yearn for
have you ever had this

it happens to me all the time
as my mind will alter
going from black to white
from white to black

as this ever happened to you
or am i the only
am I different from everyone else
or am i the same as everyone else

707308  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-30
Written: (4950 days ago)

I don't know what to think
I don't know what to do
Should I let it happen
Or Should I say screw you

707230  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-11-29
Written: (4950 days ago)

In a time of descecrance
In a time of pain
all we can do is look forward
as the past will kill us all

The past is where the memories lie
The future is where the memores to come are
I don't want any of this
I don't want the pain

Why don't I just die away
Slit my wrists and lay in tub
Let all of my pains wash away
Let the blood pour out from within

I can't look back
I can't look forward
The only way is up or down
and those won't take me anywhere

Let the tears run down my cheeck
and tell everyone that I'm ok
its just another lie
To make others feel fine

Lately it would seem that I can't make anything right
I just fuck it all up
Then say goodnight
I don't want this pain
But I don't want to die

Death is an answer
But I don't know the question
and without the question
I can't find another answer

I want out of this life
Want my soul to take over
Let my body rot
beneath the clover

703262  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-11-23
Written: (4957 days ago)

Well it took a day, I'm so happy, and to think all I did was talk to a friend. And I even ended up singing to her. She means so much to me, even though I know that it more then likely will not happen, I felt so happy just talking to her.

I sung a song to her just kus she asked, it took me forever to finally be able to sing to her, but I did, and she loved it, and just hearing that made me feel so happy. I don't know if I can sing or not, but I know that I can make someone who matter happy.

I'm actually smiling, like not forced or laughing smile, a smile that just comes naturally, I dont think I have ever been this happy

Well at least I know that there is good in this world

 The logged in version 

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