I think my mom's going blind...
Wow, long time no post. So a lot has changed since I've last written anything on here. I've been extremely happy with David. We have gone through a lot of obsticles lately but we can get through anything after that. It's been almost a month since I've seen him. It's really hard when we are used to living together and being with eachother all day everyday. Anyway, he should be coming back to see his girls next week. All of the snow made it kind of hard to travel and with his little sports car it's probably best he didn't go anywhere. Savanah's getting big. She's learning how to read and write and she's extremely advanced for her age. She amazes me more and more everyday. I had to take her out of Head Start because they didn't treat her right. That place should be shut down but anyway... I've got things to do, I think I'll go get my hair done :) Chow!
I've learned something here lately, it seems like all the people i care about are against me. Well, i shouldnt put it that way, but they seem to want me to give up everything i believe or love to make somebody else happy whether it's them or someone else. well, im starting to give that some serious thought. im so tired of living my life the way everyone else wants me to to make them happy. another thing ive learned, dont give your heart away to somebody who wont take it. its one of the things that hurts most in this world. espeacially when you dont ask for anything in return but they say i love you just because they think it is what you want to hear. well, no. maybe sometimes its nice to love somebody. but God forbid. that is the most painfull thing somebody could do to me, that will truely hurt me and tear me apart from the inside out is say i love you when they dont. i could just disappear anytime i wanted to and never come back. ever. but i wont. because i would rather love somebody and stay than go somewhere that i know there are people who love me and hide. although, that seems like the best thing to do right now, i wont do it because that would be the easy way out. and i wont be a coward. i refuse to hide from everything anymore. but what i will do is block all of my emotions untill somebody proves to me that im worth it. actually makes me BELIEVE them. that's not going to happen anytime soon though. i may be an emotional mess, a total downer, and anything else in the book there is, but im anything but gulable. so if you think you can make me believe you, and you really do care, if im really really worth it, you will have to try untill you die. im not going to get hurt again. "Take me fast or take me slow, I really don't care how I go, in the daylight or in the dark, just don't let me die of a broken heart"
omg! I can't stand my brother sometimes! I'm going to rant, so if ya'll don't feel like reading a bunch of bitching and moaning, I wouldn't get into this.lol anyways, He comes to my house everyday. Always during the time my little girl is taking her nap...that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when he brings a ton of people over to my house in the middle of the night for a poker game. Then him and all of his buddies are loud and they wake the little one up. He of all people should know that is one of the most disrespectful things you could do to a parent. He has a little girl a year younger than mine. If I was to go to his house, bring 5 or 6 people he doesn't know just do play a game that he doesn't even like (without asking him), he would be ferious! I don't understand how one person could be so disrespectfull
All these years of friendship
and neither had said a word
about the thing that they both felt
To eachother they meant the world.
They knew eachothers secrets.
They felt eachothers pain.
But neither one of them had
known that the other felt the same.
The same warm feeling you get in the presants of the one you love standing near, the same pause of your heartbeat you get when your with the one that you hold dear. It's hard to believe after all this time that both of them still care, only now this love is deeper because it's grown so much each year.
Then a day came along
when they both found the nerve
to say just how they felt.
It was hard to find the words
but they said-
They felt the same warm feeling you get in the presants of the one you love standing near, the same pause of your heartbeat you get when your with the one that you hold dear. It's hard to believe after all this time that both of us still care, only now this love is deeper because it's grown so much each year.
It's a never ending love
that they couldn't live without
and they didn't even know what
it was all about untill they said-
We feel the same warm feeling you get in the presants of the one you love standing near, the same pause of your heartbeat you get when your with the one that you hold dear. It's hard to believe after all this time that both of us still care, only now this love is deeper because it's grown throughout the years...
Im in this situation,
and I am so confused.
I have this "thing" inside me
and I dont know what to do.
I thought this would be better,
but it hurts me more each day,
knowing hes not happy with the choice
I think I'll make.
I can't tell what my problem is,
and its so hard not to say.
This "thing" I have inside me,
may or may not stay.
I have the choice to make myself,
and I cannot ask for help.
I've already said that I can't say
what this "thing" is,
but knowing it's there
is giving me hell.
Not that it's a bad thing,
but it's also not so great,
I'm not so sure what I should do,
This is tearing me up by the day.
Physically, emotionally, and in every
other way, this is ripping my heart in two,
trying to make the decision I have to make.
i cant believe i found the one
who truly makes me smile
i cant believe i found the one
who loves me all the while
ive never been so happy,
ive never felt so great,
i know for sure i've found the one
who loves me all the way.
hes my only one true love
ill never let him go
there are no words for me to explain
the words to let him know
i've told im this so many times
but he doesnt understand
he thinks that he aleady knows
how high my love for him stands
its impossible to comprehend
how much i love this man
because i fall in love all over again
the moment he touches my hand
i couldn't live without him
i would be so confused and lost
i cant imagine the pain i would feel
if i ever experienced that loss....
i love you baby!
yeah im bored and chatting with missy.lol exciting huh?!
I can't believe the way he did it.
A way so mean and harsh...
He found a way to figure out the one who has his heart.
He shouldn't have even let her in,
she shouldn't have givin him a ride.
When he first told me over the phone,
my heart just wanted to hide.
Hide from him and all his ways,
to forget all our times and all of our days.
He said this would never happen again,
that he would never cheat on me.
But once again it did,
so my heart ran away and hid.
Now I hide and have no more pride.
I've been stomped on one too many times.
I can't take this anymore,
my heart has no more open door.