[Mortified Penguin]'s diary

1169422  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2015-07-01
Written: (61 days ago)
Next in thread: 1169424, 1169432, 1169437

Got bored at work. Mixed all the presidents: http://imgur.com/a/1jckU

<img:http://i.imgur.com/8Lzy3XO.jpg>

<img700*0:http://i.imgur.com/3Lvf9Xb.jpg>
1169404  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2015-06-17
Written: (75 days ago)
1169403  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2015-06-17
Written: (75 days ago)
1169399  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2015-06-16
Written: (75 days ago)

Like chess? Don't like chess? Either way, go sign up for the next round of Chess Tournament! The next winner will receive a $50 Amazon gift card! And considering hardly anyone at all has signed up, you stand a very good chance of winning (statistically speaking). Even if you don't know how to play chess, it couldn't hurt to sign up and learn as you go. You may get lucky (probably won't though)!

Chess Tournament!

Also, Bob's Diner
1169166  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2015-03-18
Written: (165 days ago)

Someone go finish these for me:

Mort's Game of Life
Maze of Guile is Missing!
Bob's Murder Case
Bob's Entrance Exam


And/or go complete this:

the key under the mat


And/or eat at:

Bob's Diner

1168304  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2014-11-06
Written: (297 days ago)
Next in thread: 1168305

Morality is nothing more than an evolutionary adaption to prompt humans to cooperate with other humans to increase mating potential. Our place in society dictates how successful we can be, which influences our ability to procreate, so we're obsessed with other peoples' opinion of ourselves, because that essentially will determine whether or not we can fulfill our biological urge to pass on our genes. So guilt, love, anger, and every other emotion are simply biological prompts to help us breed. Anger has worked for our ancestors when they had competition in mating and their aggression either subdued their rival or convinced a potential mate that their level of aggression would be beneficial in protecting any offspring. Guilt prompts members of our species to be more submissive and "moral" to those they need to suck up to in order to maintain their position in society. And love is simply a result of monogamy working better than polygamy in offspring survival. The first step to advancing as a species is to understand ourselves completely, so just remember that all those feelings you feel are just chemistry in your brain being controlled by the personal rulebook of survival that is your genetic coding and it can be overcame and even utilized in the control of other humans if you can first understand it. Now, you may be thinking, controlling other humans? Isn't that cruel and manipulative? Not if you use your control to better them and make them become more understanding like yourself. There is no good or evil, you aren't doing anything wrong when you don't stick with the moral status quo, you're simply acting in a way that could strain your fragile relationship with society if they were to find out. But when you utilize your ability to control to essentially save the sheep and bring them into a state of enlightenment, you're advancing your race as a whole and being benevolent, which, though it doesn't technically exist, is as close to being "good" as you can get.

1167948  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2014-10-17
Written: (318 days ago)
Next in thread: 1167972, 1167974, 1168099

In my own mind, I call myself Mort.

1167893  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2014-10-15
Written: (320 days ago)
Next in thread: 1167902
1167799  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2014-10-10
Written: (325 days ago)

I would let Elftown burn if I could be vice mayor of the ashes.

1167776  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2014-10-09
Written: (325 days ago)

Oh, it is so on now!

<img500*0:stuff/aj/92105/1412892259.png>

1165211  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2014-05-02
Written: (485 days ago)
Next in thread: 1165221, 1165233, 1166007

Shit, I forgot to make a big deal of my ten year anniversary on Elftown a week ago. :(

1164509  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2014-02-07
Written: (570 days ago)
1164014  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2014-01-09
Written: (599 days ago)
Next in thread: 1164015, 1164017

"Mortified Penguin" was a reference to a terrorist in Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow. That just didn't seem like the kind of username I should have if I want to be the brave, kind hero that Elftown needs. This new one should work much better!

(Hey, it's still better than [Sir Soapy] was at least.)

1163856  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2013-12-25
Written: (614 days ago)
Next in thread: 1163872

Ha ha, this old diary was about getting drunk and violent and stabbing myself to death:

I started my novel, but couldn't finish it, because my laptop broke:

The young writer sat down to begin work on his novel. After only a paragraph, frustrated and deciding that writing a story about a writer writing a story was a stupid and unoriginal idea that only an unskilled writer would write, he angrily ripped up the first page of the story he had written. He soon realized that he had been using a laptop to write and had made a terrible mistake in ripping his first draft. With no easy way to write, he had to turn to the refrigerator for his second draft, which proved to be cold and delicious. He felt he was losing his edge, so he sharpened his pencil and started one last time, his mind finally filled with thoughts and colors and graphite.


Merry Christmas! :D

1163855  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2013-12-25
Written: (614 days ago)
1162436  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2013-09-28
Written: (702 days ago)

I know what you're thinking, you've seen just about every interesting member of Elftown featured, but what about Mortified Penguin? Strangely enough, Mort is one of the few people that haven't been featured! What an egregious oversight by the crew. But, by simply visiting Featured Member and nominating Mort, you could make a difference! What do you really know about Mort? Nothing, hopefully. So, nominate him today and learn more about Elftown's resident helper and good Samaritan. Find out new and interesting facts about the penguin with a heart of gold and balls of steel. And don't forget to visit Bob's Diner and take advantage of our cheap steak! It's really drunk right now and totally giving it up to just about anyone.

1161495  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2013-07-25
Written: (767 days ago)
Next in thread: 1161496, 1161692

One week into year one of my awesome beard. Shit is about to get intense.

1160133  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2013-05-15
Written: (838 days ago)
Next in thread: 1160187

You. Bob's Diner needs more comments. Y u no comment?

1158283  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2013-03-13
Written: (901 days ago)
Next in thread: 1158289, 1158335, 1160213

<img:http://i.imgur.com/9ZLDasv.jpg>

1149176  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2012-04-02
Written: (1245 days ago)
Next in thread: 1149184, 1149185

I made a new friend today. I roped him in with my charm and wit. He's great and he has such a well-rounded personality. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say we're going to hang together sometime. I'm just choking up over how fun it'll be. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa... *eats ramen*...

1148484  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2012-03-07
Written: (1272 days ago)
Next in thread: 1148508

I started my novel, but couldn't finish it, because my laptop broke:

The young writer sat down to begin work on his novel. After only a paragraph, frustrated and deciding that writing a story about a writer writing a story was a stupid and unoriginal idea that only an unskilled writer would write, he angrily ripped up the first page of the story he had written. He soon realized that he had been using a laptop to write and had made a terrible mistake in ripping his first draft. With no easy way to write, he had to turn to the refrigerator for his second draft, which proved to be cold and delicious. He felt he was losing his edge, so he sharpened his pencil and started one last time, his mind finally filled with thoughts and colors and graphite.

 The logged in version 

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