[silent screams and forgotten dreams]'s diary

582166  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-24
Written: (5293 days ago)

i hate my life i hate this place and i wanna die,i wanna leave and never cpome back i wanna go away,i need a guy who will stay with me and keep me going and wont let me give up and who will actually make our relationship last PAST 18 FUCKING DAYS,and if he says i love you he MEANS it,and who will make me feel better and can make me laugh,fuck i dont give a shit any more...i give up on everyone and everything,im just gonna sit here and watch life go by b/c im tired of dealing with it...

577496  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-05-18
Written: (5299 days ago)

somebody shoot me,i just want to be dead,my life is hell,to make everything worse my boyfriend broke up with me,his parents sayd he couldnt go out with me anymore...i hope he dont read this because i dint want him to know how heart broken and depressede i am right now or the fact that im crying over him b/c i dont want any sympathy from anyone,if u do read this plz dont ever mention it to me...and plz dont feel bad for me,im used to this,well i should be used to this...well,i dont know what to say,i dont think i'll ever stop loving him,i will have to force myself to move on though,wethere i like it of not...if we were meant to be,then fate will bring us back together,i hate feeling this vulnerable,i hate getting my heart broken,i should have stuck to my philosophy:why get attached when you know your gonna have to let go someday eventually...

576813  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (5300 days ago)

i am sick of all these two faced people,im surrounded by them...i need to get the fuck outa here...i almost got into a fight woith this guy named chris long,hes an asshole...and an oompa loompa!he called me a hoe so i bitch slapped him as hard as i could...his eyes started to water and he tells me,"bitch ,you hit me again and i'll beat the fuck outa you"so i told him,"go ahead,you aint gona do shit,see im wide open,hit me i fucking dare u..."and that pussy ass daisy pusher walked away from me mumbleing under his breath,then he walks by me and goes,"you fucking bitch"i turn aroound and go"what the fuck did you say to me?"he says"did i stutter"i go"you fucking faggot i swear to god id hit you if we werent on school propeerty,i might hit you anyways you fucking asshole!"and he walks away and i start after him and fuking jonny(a friend of mine)hold sme back and tells me to kalm down,man he pissed me off so bad!ugh!

571236  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-10
Written: (5308 days ago)

i hate my sisters!they are the spawn of satans evil twin brother!!!grr!!i wanna murder then sumtimes...well most the time...

ash1

568260  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-03
Written: (5314 days ago)

i am so sick of my sisters fighting with me and each other,im sick of getting yelled at because of them,im sick of people talking shit to me and not backing it up!im sick of this whole fucking town...i need to get the fuck away...forever or a day...i dont give a shit i just need to get out of here...im so sick of everyone fighting in front of me...im going fucking insane!!!ugh!!!why the hell is everything going wrong right now?!!i hate my fucking teacher mrs.obryan, and her fucking dumb ass retarded game that shes making us play about the caste system in asia!!!ugh!all it is is her x cuse to give us a bad grade...a test grade ...for our behavior,she comes up with dumb fucking rules and divides the class up in to different castes(classes,like upper middle...only using the names they use in india like the highest class is the burhmas and the lowest is the untouchables)if you end up as a untouchable at the end of the year you get a 50 as a test grade..to move down a class she gives you demerits for not following the dumbassrules she makes up ,ie you cant talk to other people in other castes,you cant get out of ur seat,if u r called out of class(even if the nurse sends u a pass)or have to leave class for anyreason you get a demerit,the only way to move up is to get no demerits...and to cancle out demerits you have to bring her something ie a drawing or peom or food n drinks,anotherwards you have to bribe her with something to cancle out only one demerit per bribe...and she is discriminating against us ,all the game is teaching is that its ok 2 bribe people and it gets u what you want....and she uses it as blackmail too..shes an evil little whore!!i hate her!!
  this guy,chris long,at my school found this baby bird that fell out of its nest and died and he took it and through it at a car!!fucking ass hole thats fucking wrong!!!ugh!i started fucking punching the shit outta him when he told me n he was laughing too that f-ing asshole!!!!!i woulda killed him if one of my friends wouldnt of told me to back off,n that hes a dickhead and always will be even if i beat the shit outta him so i shouldnt waste my breathe and time!!ugh!!im having a bad day!!i need my baby to call me...i miss him so much!!!

-ashley!!!

567439  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-05-02
Written: (5315 days ago)

i really like,well love,this guy.hes great.he has every thing i've always wanted in a guy...my only thing is that hes in california and im in texas,he says hes gonna try to come and see me this summer but i dont want to get my hopes up....i wrote a song about us,you know who you are and i hope you like it:

fate cant keep us apart forever by ashley moses

im thinkin of you,missing you,wanting you,and wishing you were here at my side,i need you to tell me everythings gonna be alright,that every things gonna be okay,yes thats what i want you to say!!

i go to sleep at night,dreaming of you at my side,telling me theres no need to hide,because youre here and youre mine

i think of you every moment of my life,fate is nothing, fate will arive,when it is time

i would give everything i have to see you
i would give everything ive got to meet you
i would give everything ive ever wanted to be with you
just one moment,just one minute of my life,

be strong hold on and never let go
i will be with you sooner that you know
baby im yours and baby your mine
and nothing can ever change that
and thats a fact

fate is nothing ,fate will arive ,when it is time,
fate cant keep us apart because we love eachother with all our heart!!

(it sounds better when im singing it) oh and peeps take my poll<poll:51131> please....

566254  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-05-01
Written: (5317 days ago)

why do all the guys i date end up being assholes?!!!ugh!im sick of everyone wanting me 4 sex....i want to be loved by them and feel special not like a slut or a piece of trash they through away when they are done!!! i think im ugly but alot of people keep telling me im hot....well if im so hot then why cant i find a guy who'll treat me right?!!love is hell!!!why do all the guys see me as a peice of ass?i want a guy who wont lie to me,who wont cheat on me(and yes that does include flirting,if i have a boyfriend i wont flirt w/ ne1 and i expect the same!!!)and who likes me 4 me not my bod...i want those simple little things in a guy is that too much to ask!!!!...well apparently it is since all the guys just cheat,lie and throw me away!!!ugh! if u understand how im feeling or you think u fit my description of a guy please let me know that im not dreaing and there really is sum1 like that that does exsist!!!!!!!

with frustration and love
ashley!

558348  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-22
Written: (5326 days ago)

*paranoid*

a cloud of fog rolls over me
a haze of confusion controls me
not knowing what to do
or how to act around you

my feelings rolled into a bundle
the blood dripping and forming a puddle
to many things going on at once
with anger i hear loud grunts
filled with life,yet pale and deadlike
tears flowing,yet not sad when i cry

overwhelmed,im going to hell,
my soul is to sell, i pushed you and i fell

lifes a journey that ends too soon
then you get stuck and marooned

my blood is pounding
people are crouding
my body knumb with shock
i quickly glace at the clock
i look in fear
towards the rear
i heard something i never wanted to hear

too much to bear
ploping down in my chair
i run my hands through his hair

why isnt life fair
i think as i stare
at the mask of darkness that casts upon his soul.

558341  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-22
Written: (5326 days ago)

its your life that it costs

everyone awayz talking mess
it causes so much stress

you cant deny
so dont bother to lie

you never shut up
youre the one whos corrupt

you always jugde me
by what you see

stop stereotyping everyone
they dont like it none

shut your mouth for one second
take a look at what you becon

look at what your causing
the world is in play but you keep pausing

you force destruction on others
you make them feel smothered

your the one who causes shootings at school
your the one who make them feel like a fool

give us a rest
stop causing so much stress

you cause every one to loose confidence
you make everyone feel distress

you bring people down
you push them around

your the one who makes them lost
and its your life that it costs

558338  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-22
Written: (5326 days ago)

why?

why is all this happening to me?
how can this be
why is my life falling apart before my eyes?
i think as i try not to cry

be strong
hold on
and never let go
please...i really wanna know

why is my life falling apart
why is this happening to me?
what did i do to deserve this?

why is my life such hell
im never coming out of my shell

i hate my life
i hate this place
to everyone and everything
what does this mean?

send me a sign
help me catch up because im falling behind

whyme? why does this have to happen to me?what did i dpo to deserve this? what important thing did i miss?!

546182  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-04-09
Written: (5339 days ago)

WILTED FLOWERS

wilted flowers so pale and dead,
life is a sacrifice with nothing left,
misery and sorrow has left nothing for tommorrow,
guide me through the dark winding path,
and let everyone feel my wrath,
tie will pass none the less,
so why wont this stress?


god it is boring rite now!!!
omg!!i came home this afternoon afterschool and there were a huge swarms of honey bees in our back yard and in our house thats why im typing this at 11:42 at nite!! most of them are gone thank god!!!
aparently were not the only ones having this problem!!there are lotz of people well anywayz im gointo bed i have to get up early were leaving to go to the orielly spring nationals in houston...at 6 am!!! i just got home from work!! n they r making me get up at like 5 am!!! on a saturday!!!!!!!!!

well..good nite!!!

544974  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-08
Written: (5340 days ago)

my life is falling apart....every thing i care about and look 4 ward 2 is being taken away from me all of a sudden...well i dont have a life rite now so never mind!!!

   I NEED A REASON...

tears fill my eyes
i want to cry

my weakness shows from within
where have i been?

my life has becoe nothing
i need it to be something

theres no point in waking up
this is all happening so abrupt!!

cant take it
not gonna make it
so stop faking it
stop this shit!!

the darkness is getting stronger
cant hold on any longer

live life while its good
and let your self be understood

my life is become nothing
i need it to be something

i need a reason to wake up in the morning
tell the rain to stop pouring

just let me change the channel in my life

i need a reason to strive
to stay alive

i need a reason......

 The logged in version 

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