Written for me by a good friend who needed to hear something not many people can say.
reach bleeding hearts,
the gentle expressions
adds another layer
Without ever saying
a word of pity
comfort is given
only by the knowing
you have been
trapped in here too.
wow, this thing goes forever!!!!!
. . . W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R . . .*
1) pierce your nose or tongue? another in my tongue would be ok
2) be serious or be funny? Depends on the situation
3) drink whole or skim milk? HAHAHA you can't drink normal milk!! I live off Good old WHOLE MILK!!! I drink it constantly.. really I do live off it (food substitute)
* . . . A R E Y O U . . .*
4) simple or complicated? complicated
* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
5) flowers or angels? angels... except the ones I see in my dreams
6) grey or gray? Grey.
7) color or black-and-whit
8) Hate or love? I love hating and I hate loving. (damn, you used my line :P)
9) sunrise or sunset? Sunset, that is when the time I know is mine is about to begin... for some reason it revitalises me.
10) M&Ms or Skittles? Chocolate is better than fruit :D
11) rap or rock? ROCK. RAP BLOWS ASS.(damn right)
12) staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late then waking up early. ...can't help it
13) TV or radio? Tv
14) water or soda? is soda; soda water cause that tastes like shit.. Water
15) eating apples or oranges? apples
* . . . A N S W E R T R U T H F U L L Y . . . *
16) Do you have a crush? yep, and she crushed me back (my heart that is)
17) Who is it? It is bad luck for me to say the name aloud
* . . . D O Y O U P R E F E R . . . *
18) being hot or cold? Cold, it is way easier to warm up than to cool down.
19) Tall members of the opposite, or short? height doesn't really matter.
20) sun or moon? moon, I am a soldier of the moon... it knows more secrets about me than I could even remember about myself.
21) emeralds or rubies? Money :)
22) left or right? is this in regards as to what hand is dominant? if so, Right
23) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 best
24) sun or rain? rain, I just love the feeling it gives me when I walk in the rain.
25) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate
26) boys or girls? this isn't a question... but if it refers to my sexual interest, Girls.
27) green beans or carrots? once again - not a question.
28) low fat or fat free? Don't they both mean less flavour??? XD
* . . . M I S C E L L A N E O U S . . . *
29) What is your biggest fear in the world? Myself.. or being completely alone... with nothing left
30) Kids or no kids? HAHAHAa could you imagine how messed up my kids would be??? it would be funny just to see how fucked a child could be.. maybe one day but not now..
31) Cat or dog? Both
32) Half empty or half full? Hrmph.. these are all statements but I will pity the creator
33) Mustard or ketchup? umm, both :)
34) Hard cover books or soft cover books? Hard cover.
35) Newspaper or magazine? Magazine
36) Sandals or sneakers? Doc martins :D
37) Wonder or amazement? dumb question/state
38) Red car or white car? dark purple
39) Happy and poor or sad and rich? sad and rich.. I already know how to be sad but having money with it would be good.
40) Singing or dancing? Singing
41) Hugging or kissing? Hugging
42) Corduroy or plain? DUMB
43) Happy or sad? does this question what I want to be or my current mood or the next person who has to fill this damned thing out or the mood my dog will be in next time I see it???
44) Purple or green? Purple definantly.
45) s, s? FUCK THIS SURVEY THINGIE... yet compelled to contiue.
* . . . A B O U T Y O U . . . *
46) What time is it? 12:23 am
47) Pets? too many to count... LOTS!!! Birds, cats, dogs, and more birds
48) Height? I really don't know
49) Eye color? poo brown
50) Hair color? brown (without extensions)
51) Piercing(s)? 1 eyebrow, 1 lip ring, 2 ear and 1 tongue. and the rest I have taken out..
* . . . W H A T D O Y O U W A N T . . . *
52) Where do you want to live? I don't know
53) How many kids do you want? I don't know
54) What kind of job do you want? Musician, computer tech
55) Do you want to get married? perhaps one day.. *looks into the night sky*
* . . . W H I C H I S B E T T E R . . . *
56) 2 doors or 4 (on a car):4 doors.
57) Coffee or ice cream? I don't drink coffee, so Ice cream
58) Shampoo or conditioner? Conditioner.
59) Bridges or tunnels? Tunnels.
60) One pillow or two? depends
* . . . W O R D A S S O C I A T I O N . . . * (first thing that comes to mind)
61) Rock? Metal
62) Green? Grass
63) Crying? annoying babies
64) Peanut? kitchen bench
65) Roses? blue cardboard
66) Summer? heat waves
67) Winter? comfort
¤ * . . . F A V O R I T E S . . . *
68) Salad dressing? don't really eat salad on its own
69) Color of socks? Black
70) Toothpaste? mint
71) Food? Sushi.
72) Toothbrush? ummmm ^.-
73) Alcoholic drink? Wild turkey Bourbon and coke
74) Non-alcoholic drink? MILK!!!
75) Character? too many... I cannot choose between my friends!!
* . . . R A N D O M Q U E S T I O N S . . . *
76) When was your last hospital check? 2 days ago
77) Where do you see yourself in 10 years? A music god :D or in my room.
78) Have you ever been convicted of a crime? yup
79) What do you do most often when you are bored? write poetry
80) Name the person that you are friends with that lives the farthest away from you? Ryan
81) Are you open minded? yes
82) Can you be in love with two people at the same time? It is possible I guess
83) Love of your life now? I definantly has room for improvement... so, NO
3. day of the week: Monday... another week damn... why wont the world end???
4. time of day: 5:00 am
5. month: I don't know.. I am not going to generalise the poor months
6. season: SUMMER. I HATE HEAT.
7. food:anything that was food that isn't quite the way it should be anymore
8. drink: tea/coffee or orange juice
9. subject in school: Geography... spend hours looking for a timy dot that I will forget about in 5 minutes anyway!! FRUSTRATING!
10. animal/bug: fly/mosquito
11. brand of clothing/shoes
12. candy: ummm... poo?
13. sound: a crying animal.
14. smell: vomit or rotten food
13. movie you’ve seen: I have seen too many.. they have rotted my brain :)
14. book you’ve read: I never finish a completely shit book (unless I have to for school)
15. tv show you’ve seen: bold and the beautiful
16. fashion statement: fully sick wogs with pink tops and silver pants!!! and you call me a faggot...
17. actor/actress: penelope cruz.... How many HIGHLY paid vocal trainers can it take to speak english???
19. band: any 'urban/hip hop' "ARTIST" out there that calls themselves a band
20. song: too many... a random one of many?.. umm, Usher: yeah
21. person you know: (at the moment)Jethro Rocket... what a fat, stupid fuck, drug abusing,lying scumbag that attempts to manipulate every situation and person to believe his shitty excuse for a life is worthwhile while stabbing them in the back and calling them up to abuse over the phone and being nice as possible when you see him down the street... YOU WANNA ORGANISE A BRAWL??? AT LEAST TURN UP YOU FUCKING PUSSY!!!! I waited 6 hours for your pathetic fat ass.. bring you 'army' of 4 people.. I alone could probably take you all down.. but we found out I have more friends than you... :D
Yu have pulled out of 8 different scenarios that you have initiated.. and that was when I started taking count..
Brave on the phone... Say it to my face you fucked retard!!!! I STILL FUCKING DARE YOU!!!
22. thing to do: clean up vomit
23. number: dunno..
24. sport: Football.. okies, these guys wear these shorts.. I am talking REALLY short shorts and than start jumping on eachother while groping wildly for a ball (symbalism????), they grab eachother on the ass and legs and when they score a 'try' they start hugging and kissing and patting eachother on the ass..... What is a scrum? there is NO point to a scrum, the scrum feeder places it halfway into his side anyway, effectively making a scrum the moment to stick your head inbetween a bunch of other guys asses and cop a feel while you are there while giving a couple of guys a hug.. (orgy???) these guys acting out their homosexual fantasies is fine and I wouldn't even mention these things if they didn't come off the feild and proceed to call me a faggot after putting on their pink girls shirts and threatening to beat the shit out of me... come find me on your own and you will have your 'macho competition'
25. foreign language/accen
26. word: maybe Bridge...
27. magazine: any of those girls magazines that are 70% commercials
28. website: Anything pro Christian.
I need : To feel something.. anything inside
I find : Emptyness
I want : to be wrong with my veiws on love
I have : Too many scars to be wrong
I wish : I could fulfill my dreams
hate : the world in general
I fear : Myself
I am : Everything I have wanted to be... but now I change my mind
I love : the mysery
I miss : The 'old' me
I feel : cold
I smell : Nothing
I hear : Gunfire
I know : Too much to ever be happy
I crave : Ignorance
I should : Let down my defences
I search : For Meaning and further truth
I wonder : If this world will change
I regret : Nothing but wonder what could have been
What further annoyed me today was that I went to meet up with a guy from another band around here to talk about organising a new gig in the area, so we went to the local RSL club. There we talked and some old wankers came over and spoke to me .. I will set this up in a he said, I said format..
I was sitting there having my own conversation and he decided he would inform me that
"Smoking cigarettes will kill you"
To this I usually think they are trying to be funny so I told him.
"It is cheaper than buying a gun"
He said "I have 450 rounds at home and I will shoot you in the face, And I will blow your fucking head off" (pointing to the guy from the other band I was talking to)
To this I replied, "That is very nice of you" (sarcasticaly)
he kept telling me he would shoot me and I kept telling him that what he was saying was very nice and this was a great way to meet people. (sarcasm)
he then asked me "why do you say you want to die?"
I replied "Why would you inform me that smoking would kill me?"
as you can all tell this conversation went on for a while and it was anything but a positive meeting.
this guy told me he was 447 then corrected himself to be 37 and thought he was better than me, he threatened me and between him and his son, they would've had an IQ of about 12. They approached me while I sat there and made a mokery of their intelligence and left when they became threatening.
They decided to make the smart comments of "how many sheep did you kill to get your coat"
"I bought it and it is cotton morons" I replied
Later my female friend went in to tell them to appologise and they appologised with more threats....
I hate this world and alot of the people in it.
I am Further dissalusioned (ok I can't spell) Today I had some one walk past my friends and I and said "Holy sheep shit, what the fuck are you cunts wearing?" (refering to the clothes we were wearing.. trench coats and black ect. I was walking with [-elv-] and the other guys from my band) to this I replied "Clothes moron" *maybe a couple of swear words added to the end of the phrase. He decided he would be tough in front of his friend and girlfriend and said "You cunts are fucked up"- very good people skills were contained by this person.
I stood there and smiled at this person in the most deranged fasion I could possibly muster at the time untill I could no longer see them.
I am so sick of people who think they can judge people on their apperance and feel they have the right to verbally abuse whoever they feel like because they think they are the best thing in the world. damn R&B and rap is doing this shit!!
I'm not sure if I am becoming more crazy or if everyone else is... I don't understand anything people are saying to me at the moment, It seems that the small grasp of sanity I have is slipping away.
I can still percieve things the way I always have, and my gift of self reflection is as visible as always. but people are acting strange.. or perhaps I am, and that is their reaction towards me.
I am happier than I have been in a while, yet I am still sad
But now the pain is confusing and strange
I don't use this much... well at all yet.
So I will put something in it, for the friends who don't understand why It must seem that I am drifting away.
I'm really not too sure what it is that is slowly turning me into what I am becoming. I don't hate any of you my poor friends who stand by me while wishing they could do more to help me.. I do notice although I rarely give credit.
I am sorry, I don't feel I need help. There is something inside killing me and only I can subside it.
I realise that day by day I am slowly becoming more anti-social and more riddled in my explanations of thoughts, so subtle that you may not have even noticed.
I am sad, I am lonely and although I have many standing by my side in a room full of personalities.
I have discovered that there is something, a major part of me that I need to say goodbye to in order to regain my sanity. I will never be the same.